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Kelsey
VIP September 2020

Are we being mean/unreasonable?

Kelsey, on August 17, 2020 at 2:12 PM

Posted in Community Conversations 49

One of my FH's groomsman recently booked his flight for the wedding for himself, his wife and young daughter. They are arriving around 9PM on the Thursday before the wedding. Best man is arriving Wednesday night. After booking his flight, I said to my FH "P (groomsman) knows that he will need to...

One of my FH's groomsman recently booked his flight for the wedding for himself, his wife and young daughter. They are arriving around 9PM on the Thursday before the wedding. Best man is arriving Wednesday night. After booking his flight, I said to my FH "P (groomsman) knows that he will need to change his hotel reservation so they have a room Thursday night." FH assured me that yes, that is common sense of course. During a recent conversation FH found our that P did not book/ change his room for the night he gets here and expected us to let him stay with us. While I understand why and all; I find it rude to not even ask. Right now we live in a smaller 2 bedroom apartment that is for sure not made to have 6 people and a dog staying in it. P eventually booked his hotel for that night then asked my FH for money for the room! I'm sorry what, no we are spending a ton of money on this wedding. My FH and I are picking up P and his family that night; now for some reason they expect us to have a car seat for their child. We don't have kids, why on earth would we just have a car seat laying around for this type of occasion? And I'm not a parent as previously stated, but don't you need a booster seat or something on a flight or do airlines provide that?? Then P asked if he could just have one of our vehicles to use during the time they are here, like no we do need them. Plus my FH and I are spending the night before the wedding apart so we both need transportation. Are we being mean/ unreasonable? I should also add that the venue we booked (a hotel), rehearsal dinner and even the tux place are within walking distance of each other. Like literally they are blocks away from one another. We did this on purpose so no one would not be able to get to one place. There is also a grocery store, gas station, Subway and Culver's right next to the venue. So they shouldn't need a car, and if they did they can ask for a ride from us or another groomsman..

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49 Comments

  • Shirley
    Expert November 2020
    Shirley ·
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    Maybe this is bad, but I might even say we had last minute wedding planning come up and pay for an uber or send them a cab instead

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    I so want to. But my FH hasn't seen his friend in like 2 or 3 years so he really wants to pick him up. I think without meaning to by the way, I may look like the bad guy in this situation. Like i'm being a bridezilla and not wanting to have people over.

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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    I agree. Def stand up for you and your FH. You're doing right
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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    Thank you!

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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    You're welcome!
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  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
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    Sounds like the problem is with them and no matter what you say or do it will not be good enough. Just brush it off and don’t let it ruin your day (I know, it’s frustrating and annoying....sometimes we have to be the better and bigger person to just let it go... - I hear the Frozen song LOL)
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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    Haha. I do want to let this go, no pun intended. I just had to make sure I wasn't doing something completely out of line.

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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    You do not sound unreasonable to me. just sounds like they are expecting you to bend over backwards to accommodate them

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    Thank you! I'm trying hard to make time and see folks coming from out of state especially. But making time and giving up a vehicle is completely different.

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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    Yikes that is definitely unreasonable of them, aside from the fact that a bunch of people from out of town staying in your small apartment during Covid is a bad idea to begin with...Is there a reason they're traveling so early if your wedding isn't until Saturday? Like, if the rehearsal is Friday and your wedding is Saturday, why couldn't they just come on Friday morning and leave on Sunday morning? So many questions here...

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  • Maureen
    Devoted November 2021
    Maureen ·
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    Wow this guy needs a reality check, he also doesn't seem like the type of person to plan ahead at all ESPECIALLY for a trip. And can't you check a car seat with your luggage? C'mon man. You're not being unreasonable.

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  • Leanne
    Super September 2020
    Leanne ·
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    Good thing is these people will be leaving and flying back to their home after the wedding and you probably won’t see them anytime soon. I would just leave it as others have said, “sorry we can’t help you with any of that, we have a lot going on with the wedding”.
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  • Jessica
    Dedicated July 2020
    Jessica ·
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    Not unreasonable at all! The car seat part deifnitely got me too - like kid-less couples are going ot have one laying around? I'd ask your FH to give them a kind but firm no/reality check on these items. Even if you had some of these things - space, a spare car - you'd likely offer them to family first.

    No all around, and I don't think there's a need to do more than make a few suggestions to point them in the right direction. Hotels close to the venue, numbers for Enterprise rentals nearby, a Target if they need to buy a car seat. If they can't afford some of these basics to complete the trip on their own, it would be more of a courtsey for them to not attend than burden you two with having to provide for them.

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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    Yes! Most airlines let you check a carseat at no cost! If they've purchased a ticket for the child, they may even want to have him/her fly seated in the carseat -- it can be safer, depending on the child's age/size, than having them just sit in the airplane seat. They are being very unreasonable and I agree with pp about just politely telling them "no" for each unreasonable request.... They'll get over it!

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    I think the flight on Friday came in too late for the rehearsal. It's a smaller airport. so I appreciate them coming in time at least.

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    That's another question I assumed his child would need a car seat or booster seat for a flight right? I don't know but she is younger than 5

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    I can only hope. And we do have a lot going on that's what is frustrating

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    Exactly. Like and he asked for all this stuff at infe. He also wanted us to find him a vegan restaurant in town for his wife...all we have is a vegetarian place. Smaller town that might have some vegan options but not many..

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    Thank you! I wasn't sure about the car seat thing at all with planes. And they will have to. I don't have time to deal with this anymore. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being a jerk

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  • Annika
    Expert November 2020
    Annika ·
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    They are wayyyy out of line here. If they planned on bringing their kid they should have planned for the things that they needed. Like you said, they didn't need to bring their whole family if they couldn't afford it! My bridesmaid is married and has a kid, who I would love to meet but they couldn't afford it so she is just bringing herself. It is also ridiculous that they expect to stay with you. I offered that to my bridesmaid because it's just her, but she never expected me to provide everything for her! I am providing food and my apt because she is already working so hard to be able to attend that I don't want her to bankrupt herself by getting a hotel. Plus them asking for your car is not only illegal since they aren't on the insurance, but also is EXTREMELY rude. I don't want to sound rude but they totally sound like free-loaders. Good luck!!

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