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Kelsey
VIP September 2020

Are we being mean/unreasonable?

Kelsey, on August 17, 2020 at 2:12 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 49
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One of my FH's groomsman recently booked his flight for the wedding for himself, his wife and young daughter. They are arriving around 9PM on the Thursday before the wedding. Best man is arriving Wednesday night. After booking his flight, I said to my FH "P (groomsman) knows that he will need to change his hotel reservation so they have a room Thursday night." FH assured me that yes, that is common sense of course. During a recent conversation FH found our that P did not book/ change his room for the night he gets here and expected us to let him stay with us. While I understand why and all; I find it rude to not even ask. Right now we live in a smaller 2 bedroom apartment that is for sure not made to have 6 people and a dog staying in it. P eventually booked his hotel for that night then asked my FH for money for the room! I'm sorry what, no we are spending a ton of money on this wedding. My FH and I are picking up P and his family that night; now for some reason they expect us to have a car seat for their child. We don't have kids, why on earth would we just have a car seat laying around for this type of occasion? And I'm not a parent as previously stated, but don't you need a booster seat or something on a flight or do airlines provide that?? Then P asked if he could just have one of our vehicles to use during the time they are here, like no we do need them. Plus my FH and I are spending the night before the wedding apart so we both need transportation. Are we being mean/ unreasonable? I should also add that the venue we booked (a hotel), rehearsal dinner and even the tux place are within walking distance of each other. Like literally they are blocks away from one another. We did this on purpose so no one would not be able to get to one place. There is also a grocery store, gas station, Subway and Culver's right next to the venue. So they shouldn't need a car, and if they did they can ask for a ride from us or another groomsman..

49 Comments

Latest activity by Christine, on August 24, 2020 at 11:56 PM
  • Hannah
    Rockstar July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    Yikes. No, you are not being unreasonable. That groomsman is definitely asking for way too much here. You are not responsible for providing lodging or transportation or anything like that. You are responsible for feeding and entertaining guests at hosted events (wedding itself and rehearsal dinner if having 1). That's it.
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  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
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    While it seems like it should be "common sense" that the bridal party pay for their own accommodations and such, sometimes (an old quote from my boss) "what's common sense to you and I, may not be common sense to someone else." Honestly what it sounds like is this particular groomsman may not have the money to pay for these extras, perhaps Covid has affected them financially. You don't know what someone else is going through even if everything looks OK from the outside.

    Airlines do not provide booster seats / car seats on planes. They may have an extra if one was lost in transit in their baggage claims office. Most cities offer car / booster seat rentals even most car rental agencies, I'd suggest reaching out. Maybe you know someone who has one that can be borrowed. While none of this is YOUR JOB, again maybe they just don't have the extra money. Maybe being a part of your bridal party is going to cost them much more than they anticipated especially if had to purchase multiple airline tickets and extra hotel nights that were not anticipated.

    You're not being mean, but you're also not demonstrating any empathy or sympathy for these people without knowing the whole story. Having to buy 3 roundtrip tickets is about $1000 plus a 2 night hotel = 1200 - 1300 plus tux rental and anything else... this could be a $2000 weekend for this family just to be a part of your wedding.

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    They literally just moved to DC and spent over 10,000 dollars doing so. So I have a hard time believing that they are having money problems especially when they brag about spending money all the time. I have an issue with that, one shouldn't flaunt money around. My friend offered her used one, and they scoffed at the idea of using used one because of germs mind you this thing has been disinfected because my friend is very much into sanitized things. So I find that rude. I'm just trying to point out a few things.

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  • Molly
    Rockstar September 2020
    Molly ·
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    Geez... You are not being unreasonable. They knew when they agreed to be a part of the wedding party that they would have to pay for these things.

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    Ok that's what I thought, we have offered to take them out to breakfast and I know that is small but it's something on Friday morning. I would rather not because that is the day we get into the venue and can set up. We are trying as hard as we can to accommodate everyone and arrange transportation. But we can't do everything.

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  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
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    I'm sorry spending $10,000 on a move is pretty pricey and maybe they do talk about spending money, that doesn't mean they have it. Again, I'm not saying you're being unreasonable, but maybe there are other factors involved.

    If they don't want to use your friends car seat, that's on them and they should bring their own. You can also recommend a car rental agency as courtesy.

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    Right and my other thought is and this might sound harsh but if it's too much money the groomsman could just come solo while that isn't ideal by any means it would for sure save him so money. If it was just him, he could easily stay the night with us too. But 6 people in my apartment almost gave me a heart attack just thinking about it.

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    Right and I get that. But to not ask is what bothers me. I guess maybe if it was me I would ask and not assume things off the jump. But that's me and how I am. We are paying for all their food both nights, taking them out for breakfast on Friday. Along with offering to provide daycare service for free for during the wedding (they declined that one which is fine too).

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  • W
    Expert September 2020
    Willow ·
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    Expecting you to provide lodging, a carseat, and a car (when they're not even on the insurance!) is crazy unreasonable. If they're having financial issues, they should have talked to you beforehand about alternative arrangements.
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  • Molly
    Rockstar September 2020
    Molly ·
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    For sure! We live in a small two bedroom apartment and one of the bedrooms we use for storage. We had almost all the groomsmen wanting to stay with us. We told them all no. We already have two people and two dogs plus a bunch of extra wedding stuff filling our apartment I don't want to have extra stress of hosting guests as well.

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    And we would be understanding too. I think the car and car seat are what really got me. Like no way in heck are you driving my car. Plus he doesn't even know this area there is no reason you need it.

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    That's me right now lol! Our extra bedroom is our sports room (hasn't been used much lately lol) and we have a pull out bed in there. But I have a ton of wedding stuff in their and will probably have most of in the living room by the time the best man gets here which is fine. I'm already stressed about best man staying with us, but he said it wasn't a big deal if the place was a bit messy which I can guarantee it will be.

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  • Taylor
    VIP October 2020
    Taylor ·
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    Nope! Not being unreasonable. These are things that they agree to pay by accepting the groomsman position. It sounds like this guy needs a reality check.

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    It's sad I never have even met him in person, my FH's friends all met in the military and are very spread out across the country. That's why I even asked does he realize he needs to change his hotel room reservation. I knew it, just from previous conversations.

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  • Shirley
    Devoted November 2020
    Shirley ·
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    Yeah you need to say no to all of this as nicely as possible. Don't get upset about them asking, because I agree that they might be in over their heads financially, but just give a firm "we're sorry, we can't help with that" to every single request. As adults, they need to figure out this situation themselves. Focus on your wedding. Seriously don't spend another minute on this.

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    We have been as nice as we can be. I just wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing so to speak. I think we are being reasonable and my FH is handling this for the most part, I just wanted to make sure that we weren't being mean or unreasonable.

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  • Shirley
    Devoted November 2020
    Shirley ·
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    Yes I think you are being completely reasonable and smart, and I hope you'll keep your resolve and hold your ground. I would hate having someone staying in my home the night before my wedding. And I never let people drive my car after a friend once did damage to mine (to be fair, she was rushing me to the hospital, so I don't regret it per se, but insurance was a nightmare). It also stinks that the groomsman is putting you on the spot, which is really hard.

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    I get the car thing completely. I work at a personal injury law firm and after 5 years here I know that isn't a good idea to lend someone a car. It's just going to be slightly awkward when we pick them up.

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  • Jai Butcher
    Rockstar May 2020
    Jai Butcher ·
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    Def not being unreasonable! I wouldn't want to have anyone stay with me either the day before our wedding. It's very rude of him and if he needed a place to stay he should have approached you and your FH
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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    Exactly. It's like don't just assume stuff.

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