Are Brides Expectations Reasonable?

I feel like I have pretty high expectations as a bride, and these expectations seem like a lot a lot. Just the simple fact that her RSVPs are being sent so early - I don't even know my weekend plans. And you're not simply committing to attend a wedding. You're having to commit to a destination wedding, bachelorette party, funding your own travel expenses, and whatever else that goes into her wedding. Which is nuts.

I think, without meaning to be, she is being a little inconsiderate. She may not realize how much she is asking of you, especially if no one has voiced their concerns, but this is a lot, none the less.

LOLOL at your backup plan!

Legal marriage before destination wedding = reasonable.

Secondary celebration of marriage after destination wedding when legal marriage was before destination wedding = a bit weird, but I guess makes sense if you want to have a destination experience with a smaller group of people but also want to celebrate with a larger group.

Asking a non-officiant to officiate a wedding (but not legally) = reasonable.

Asking a non-officiant to officiate a wedding (but not legally) when the person being asked has limited/no relationship with the couple = a stretch.

Asking guests to RSVP to an event 11 months in advance = completely unreasonable.

Asking guests to RSVP to an event 11 months in advance that will be extremely expensive, logistically challenging, and a complete burden = major red flag worthy of dropping out of event over.

I think the best course of action is to be firm about the unreasonable requests, and perhaps let the "kinda weird but harmless" requests slide. Good luck!

This is far too early for her to be setting the RSVP deadline or demanding you make travel plans. Also, you shouldn't be expected at the celebration party. I would definitely gently push back on booking so early, though if you agreed to be MOH you should make every effort to attend.


Honestly, I dont like international destination weddings, particularly when the couple chooses that option to shift the cost of the event from themselves to their guests. It's quite inconsiderate. I get why its striking you as odd

Its sort of bizarre.... I mean they want your SO who they don’t even know, to be an officiant which is something extremely personal in and of itself, and it won’t even be real?? Whuaa?
They want you to schedule your tickets 11 months in advance when they themselves don’t even have set plans or arrangements?! Don’t do it! I’m telling you! I can totally see them changing their minds and canceling and you and your SO will be stuck with plane tickets to East Ja BumBum. I think you need to be a little bit bold with this and put your foot down and say to her that you don’t feel comfortable getting plane tickets so far in advance. If she has an issue with this then you need to back out of this situation.

So yes she’s being kind of unreasonable/silly with all these plans?? But I will say, you agreed to be her maid of honor so for you it should not be a question about the rsvp. When you commit to being a maid of honor you already commit to being at her wedding. But if you are thinking of backing out I would let her know now. It’s understandable why you would but I would give her as much notice as possible

Extremely unreasonable on all counts. No rsvps should ever be requested for a year out. Husband needs to tell them no. There is no reason for the destination event or reception if the legal wedding is taking place prior. In all likelihood, they will call the destination event "the real wedding" and lie to guests.

You will be a much better friend by pointing out the flaws and standing up for yourself. You can back out of being a matron of honor.

Her expectations are incredibly unreasonable in all regards!

She's being ridiculous. I dont care how much I love the bride and if I was in the wedding, a fake wedding out of the country is not something I would attend. Just because you agree to be someone's MOH doesn't mean she gets to dictate your budget/vacation/travel plans for so many events.

Concerns:
-Being told of a destination wedding after you agreed to be MOH. It’s ok to change your mind.
-Finding out the destination wedding will not be wedding but a reenactment after agreeing to being the MOH at the actual wedding. It’s ok to change your mind. -Finding out they are planning an elopement after agreeing to being the MOH at the actual wedding. Are you invited to the elopement? If yes, participate as her MOH since she did ask you to be her MOH for her actual wedding. This elopement is her actual wedding. - Finding out the reception will take place on a third date. Three separate dates are already being planned for their wedding after you said yes to bring her MOH for her actual wedding. If you are still wanting to commit as MOH to her wedding, ask her when they are legally getting married and that is the date you can commit to.
Her expectations are unreasonable. No way I would commit to a reenactment over seas 11 months in advance. Good luck.

View Quoted Comment She said yes to being her MOH prior to the couple planning an elopement, an overseas reenactment, and another (3rd) date for the reception. That’s 2 out of state trips and one over seas for a single wedding.
OP is within reason to either back out fully or tell her she can make one of the state trips.

View Quoted Comment That’s exactly why I said it’s totally understandable to back out and if she wants to do so, to do it now

I did read your comment.
“ But I will say, you agreed to be her maid of honor so for you it should not be a question about the rsvp. When you commit to being a maid of honor you already commit to being at her wedding.”
It is a question of rsvp when the bride is scheduling 3 separate dates for her wedding.

View Quoted Comment If she doesn’t want to be her moh then she can back out. I said that. And had said it was reasonable to. You are making up an argument? You’re saying I am in the wrong when I had literally said it was okay for her to back out if she felt like it. No one is saying there is anything wrong with it.

I did not say you were wrong. I am simply quoting you and disagreeing with the rsvp statement. That’s ok; to disagree. It’s not rude nor argumentative to have a disagreement.

View Quoted Comment I did not say you were wrong. I am simply quoting you and disagreeing with the rsvp statement. That’s ok; to disagree. It’s not rude nor argumentative to have a disagreement.

View Quoted Comment Saying you'll be MOH for her real wedding is a great solution

Once there is a legal ceremony planned before going, AND a post reception, the function of the destination seems to take a vacation with friends or family. And a bachelorette. It is neither the legal wedding, nor the main reception. I would say that as a member of the bridal party you would be fine with these, but opt out of the destination wedding. And if this does not please her, opt out of all but being a guest, to a stateside ceremony or reception. The destination trip seems to be a honeymoon, or bach., not in any way what you were asked to be. And I would not agree to any out of US travel for any reason that required reservations with money down more than 55 days in advance. ( except with my family.)

Sounds extreme. Would you prefer to go to the destination wedding or the local reception? If it doesn’t matter you could let you know you can attend whichever one she likes. Be honest about your situation. It’s unreasonable for her to expect you to attend all of those out of state events. A good friend will understand and support the important decisions in your life too.

Most people get legally married at home before doing a destination wedding. That's because it's logistically harder to get legally married abroad. Some people do an at home post wedding party after a destination wedding. That's not unreasonable.


The unreasonable part is the 11 month rsvp, her expecting you to be at both a destination wedding and an out of state reception, and asking your husband to officiate.

If they are getting married at home, and having a reception/celebration at home, why not just skip the destination fake "wedding"?

They could do everything at home, and just honeymoon abroad. Save everyone the hassle and the money!!