Are any of you no longer in contact with your bridesmaids/men or vice versa?

It's been 30 plus yrs since our wedding. My MOH and one bridesmaid were my sisters, the other two BMs were two of my best friends of 5-10 yrs. Obviously, relationships with sisters are still awesome. One of the BMs I see at least 4-6 times a year (despite very different family & career responsibilities), and she is still my closest non-family friend after 40 plus yrs. The other BM moved cross country a couple years after the wedding, and our contact is mostly Christmas cards. However, last year, H and I were on the east coast and spend 36 hrs with her, and it was exactly like what we would expect if we saw her regularly for the 28 plus years in between when we saw her last.

On the other hand, I was maid of honor in a wedding of a college friend and have completely lost touch with her, and if I saw her tomorrow, I'm not sure we'd recognize each other and I'm not sure we'd have much to say after the first 5 minutes.

My best friend/MOH got married last summer and I moved several states away while she was on her honeymoon (I was waiting until after her wedding to relocate for work). I have seen her once, briefly, this summer when I was in town for another wedding. Between me moving away, her marriage AND the fact she is about to have her first baby next month, our friendship has definitely changed but it isn't any less real or important. She's still my best friend.

I think its certainly possible you'd stop talking to these girls, but if their friendship means that much to you, you'll find a way to keep them in your life.

We got married 19 years ago, so I didn't know how it worked, as we were the first to get married out of all of our friends. My husband had many close friends, so I thought I had to match his number. So I asked a friend from college to be in our wedding. Looking back on it... it was a bad choice, because I am sure she would have liked to have said no. Poor girl.

@HB-I understand that. OP is making it seem as though she's under the expectation that her friendships are going to end anyway after she gets married. She seems to already have decided it's not worth the work.

I was an MOH for someone in late 2015. She and I don't speak anymore, but that was on purpose lol.

If you're worried about not being friends with someone in the future, make it simple and don't ask them to be in your bridal party. All the people in my BP are people FH and I have been friends with for 10+ years.

I think it depends on the friends, honestly, and what you consider a worthy friendship.

My MOH is my best friend. She lives in Germany. I've known her for 10+ years. There have been periods in the last couple years since she left the states that we haven't talked for a month or more. There have been times when I've reached out multiple times and haven't gotten any response for weeks or even months. I don't take it personally and it does not change the fact that she is my best friend: we established that sometimes between our jobs, the time difference and life in general it can be hard to keep in touch. We don't assume anything when one doesn't hear from the other for a while. We try and Skype at least monthly but it doesn't always work out.

The people that matter most in our lives aren't always the ones we talk to every day. It's often the ones who we see only a few times a year, but each of those times nothing has changed and you pick up right where you left off.

@OGJessie That’s a pretty strong assumption to make from my posts. I’m not expecting anything, most of all for the friendships to end. That would be a terrible thing to expect. I understand that people grow distant and lose touch. Otherwise people wouldn’t say to choose those closest to you “at the time,” and not who you’re still in contact with. And where did you come to the conclusion that I’ve decided that It’s not going to work? That’s a joke! People come and go but I’m not going to force them to stay in my life. “Why didn’t you call me? You were in town but you didn’t let me know? Thanks for the invite.” I’m not that type of person. I’m also not the type of person to leave it up to the other person to stay in contact while I sit back and wait to see what happens.

Was this information necessary for me to explain in the beginning? No because I didn’t think anyone would come to the assumptions or conclusions on the type of person I was and the decisions I made from the questions that I posted. If the friendships work out and we BOTH make the effort to keep the friendship then great. But I understand that due to life demands, it doesn’t always work out that way.

@Malei-Why would you pose the question if it's not an expectation? All relationships have ebbs and flows. It's how your weather them that is a determining factor on how your relationships will survive. Weddings aren't in and of themselves a determination of whether a relationship will last. That is up to the people who are friends.

You seem to be very young, as you grow older, you will realise that your circle will shrink, but the friends that you have will be good ones and people that you can count on, even if you don't talk to them, or see them more than once or twice a year.

Kat thanks for that! I would say all of my close friends are confirmed friends. None of them are local to me, they are from many different walks of my life, we don't see each other regularly or even talk regularly but they are always there and easy to pick up from where we left off. most of the people I see and hang out with on a daily basis will probably get invited, but I would not put them in my BP. All of my bridesmaids are women I have long relationships with

@OGJessie I have never thought that my wedding was a determining factor with how any of my friendships will turn out. In fact, it’s quite the opposite where I feel it shouldn’t impact my friendships with anyone at all. It’s just a day that I’ll have “those closest to me” at the time standing up there with me. My question was to see if anyone else keeps in touch with their party or the bride/groom that they were a party in. And to see if it’s common to lose touch with them, just in case that’s what will happen to me.

I also don’t see how age plays a factor in this. It’s a matter of how mature you are when approaching situations, such as making assumptions before knowing the facts. I’m in my mid-thirties and my friends (any that I’ve mentioned here) vary in age from 24-40. Which is another reason why I’m saying that life demands might have an impact on our friendship in the future. I’ve traveled and lived all over and gone to several colleges (to point out that I’m not talking about high school friends) and worked at many places. And if you asked me at any time before who I would pick to be in my wedding party, my answers would’ve changed depending on where I was at the time.

So, amidst the continued assumptions about my personality and how I approach life and friendships, I have a better idea of how I’m going to approach this based on the feedback that I got from PPs. Have an amazing weekend.

ETA: why pose the question if it wasn’t an expectation? If it was an expectation then I’d have my answer, therefore wouldn’t have posed the question.

My first wedding I was very young, I do not talk to either of my BM's from that, neither does my ex speak to his best man or GM. They were both co-workers of mine too.

I am going through this now. My MOH is my best friend and has been since the 4th grade but I think we are slowly drifting apart. Sadly, and I am at the point where I don't care anymore. Unfortunately her jealously, and attitude has caused us to lose the relationship we have. That's my one regret I have is having a smaller bridal party

I'm a big believer that family is your best choice in most circumstances. You're likely to be still in contact with your sister (or brother--men can be attendants, too) in five years.

Of course, there are exceptions--people who don't have close family, people whose relationships with family are strained. But if you're asking yourself whether you really want someone in your BP, best to leave them out. And if that means no BP, so be it. Better than losing friends during the planning process.

From my first wedding in 1994 - three out of four are no longer in contact: one moved far away, I have no info on her, one is a FB friend and that is it, third is no longer a friend to me as her hubby was ex's Best Man, and well, you know.....fourth bridesmaid was my sister and yes we are still close. This time around? My two attendants were my two sons so yes we are in contact! LOL! I think of the three no longer in contact in high regard, it is just life!

Edited to add: waaaay to early to ask folks - wait until next spring or early summer. LOTS will happen before then. I ended up asking my Head of School give a toast and I did not even know her when I got engaged!!

I asked two dear girlfriends be personal attendants but they just did little things for me, not crap jobs!!! LOL!

Not as a bride, and I don't see that happening, but I was randomly a bridesmaid for an acquaintance in college, and I don't think I've spoken to her since then. In hindsight I would have politely declined. I'm really not even sure why she asked me.

I fear this so much that's why i'm having my two sisters, sister in law, cousin of FH, and a friend that I've had for 10 years. There will always be people you're close to at the moment but they may be temporary :/

Ask your mom. My mom says the only attendants she are still close to are her sister and her cousin,

I only have one "new" friend in my bridal party (and she's been one 3 going on 4 years at this point), everyone else is a friend of 10+ years. The one is a college friend, and I suppose there's always a chance we could lose contact down the road, but at this point in my life I wouldn't dream of my bridal party without her. I did choose to not include one other college friend who I am very close to right now but I can see not being as close with post-college.

I only chose 2 girls for my bridesmaids. They happen to be the 2 people that no matter what will continue to be in my life. Both don't live by me so we make the time to stay in touch.

I was a bridesmaid in a college friend's wedding back in 2006. We lost in touch for various reasons: despite my reaching out after I moved an ocean away, she wouldn't respond to my messages. For years, the extent of Bride's communication would be "[Bride] says hi," delivered via a friend that I had made through her (and lives in the same city overseas as the bride in question) who crashed with me when visiting NYC a couple times.

When I posted on social media that I got engaged, she reached out after about nine years of minimal contact. It shortly became apparent she was prospecting for an invitation. I said it was good to hear from her and left it at that. (She and my MoH also had a nasty falling out some 15 years ago.)