Are any of you no longer in contact with your bridesmaids/men or vice versa?

Realistically, I imagine I'd grow apart from two of the girls in my BP. Marriage changes things, I've heard. Not that it has to, but it's easy for it to. They're still very important to me, and I want them to be a part of the day. If you're close and can't imagine not having them by your side on that day, ask them. Try not to fantasize about "five years from now" unless you feel like the relationships should end because they're unhealthy.

That makes sense. Sorry, I should clarify. I've been at this part time for 4 years. It's a restaurant and we were all part of the "original crew" from when the place first opened.

But I've worked at so many other restaurants and have been just as close with others and only still keep in touch with a few (one of whom will be a bridesmaid). The other bridesmaid is someone that I used to crossfit with and I stopped about 4 years ago but we're still close.

This is why I only have three bridesmaids and I've been friends with them since I was only 1 year old. Family life long friends like that don't go away even if we don't talk for months. The rest of my friends are sadly only good friends when we live in the same state. When we move, it all changes.

I was in a wedding back in college. To be honest, I was a bit surprised to be asked to stand up in it; we were all roommates, and we were friends but I didn't consider us super close. Sadly we lost touch when we all moved out. I've thought of the bride occasionally and tried to find her on social media, but no luck. I hope she's well and happy.

@MGB that's what kind of happened with one of the girls at my part time now. I was surprised that she asked me to be in her (really small) wedding 2 years ago but I guess that experienced brought us closer. Was she someone I would have asked 2 years ago? Probably not. Would we have become close if she hadn't asked me? Not as much as we are now.

Btw, I'm not thinking of asking her just because she had asked me. It really did bring us closer even though she's not really someone I really hung out with in the beginning.

I would say don't ask anyone, yet. You have time to think about it more.

I am still in contact with all our WP members, but we were very selective about who we chose. We chose our closest friends/relatives. Three of my four BP members were friends who already lived in different parts of the country and were still my bestest friends on the planet after several years of physical separation. These friendships had already stood the test of time.

I have been in one wedding where I am no longer in touch with the bride. After she got married, I tried really hard to call to catch up periodically and let her know when I would be in town and would ask if she was free to meet up. She never picked up or returned my messages. I have no clue what happened, but after a year or so of that, I couldn't keep taking the rejection, so I stopped reaching out. I don't think either of us ever planned to lose touch (though I really don't know what happened on her end). Sometimes it just happens. I don't regret being a part of her wedding day because at the time, we were important to each other. She's still an important part of my college experience. But, I can understand that it would be hard to look back at pictures and see people in your wedding album or on your wedding video who are no longer part of your life. If you have doubts about the place these friends will continue to have in your life, I'd think more about it before you make a decision about your WP, either way.

I'm feeling hesitant now. We're getting married next September, and the one friend I wanted to be my MOH has grown distant and is Sooooooo hard to get ahold of. I've been trying for 3 weeks just to plan lunch with her.

So I've heard that you should ask about 8 months out... which would be in 3-4 months. And we're all trying to plan a dinner but that 1 friend who quit has already not been able to make a few dinners which made me reconsider due to growing distant with one already.

I still definitely see these girls more often than I see the other 2 planned bridesmaids but it's probably because I work at that restaurant so we can plan more often. From the outside looking in, it definitely would seem like these girls are the closest people to me because we're usually out together. And we are! But that doesn't mean it'll be like this after I quit.

It's always a possibility you'll grow apart with any of your bridesmaids after marriage -especially if they're single. which makes me sad to think about I try to think positive about it though

Your friends change all through your life. I’ve got friends who I’ve known since I was a kid who I see once or twice a year but chat with all the time. I have friends who I’ve known since Uni who I only see once or twice a year because they live halfway around the world. You have to work at friendship, whether you’re married or not. If you’re not going to put the effort in after your wedding, don’t ask them to stand up for you.

OGJessie, it goes both ways. One person can't be the only one putting forth the effort.

I would reconsider asking them to be in your bridal party. My bridal party will (hopefully) consist of my FH's two sisters, and my two best friends throughout my whole life. There are other people I talk to more now, but these two have been constant throughout everything, which is why I picked them.

My bridal party will be my sister, cousin, and lifelong bff. I'm having a smaller party because I know I will forever keep in touch and be close with them. I could have more but I'm choosing not to because of the reason of not being as close anymore (I just graduated undergrad, and unfortunately don't see those friends much at all anymore)

The people I have as my bridespeople are all people with whom I've maintained a close relationship despite being in different states for years now.

My FH, on the other hand, has a couple of groomspeople who I can clearly imagine he will lose touch with very soon after the wedding. One was a coworker who quit shortly after he agreed to join the wedding party; they already hang out much less frequently than they used to.

Realistically, though, you should choose people you feel close to now. Of course you won't want to look back at wedding photos and have to ask who someone is, but if you've been working with these girls for four years, that shouldn't be a problem.

This is why I chose my best friend of 10 years and FH chose his brother. We wanted the closest people to us for our BP.

@HisBeauty I'm sorry that's happening to you now! I hope you get in touch with her and everything goes well.

I know the MOH and 2 bridesmaids that have "stood the test of time" will be great choices (should they agree). I think it also hit me because I was having a conversation with FH's cousin online (whom I've never met in person) and when I told her I didn't have too many I kept close, she immediately said, "Oh? What about those 3 girls that you're always posting or tagged with?" So we are close now. Do I choose who I'm close with now or who I've been close with so far? I've seen horror stories go both ways. :/

I am choosing mostly family (sister, fsil, cousins) for my bridal party for this and 2 friends who have made such an effort despite distance! I really want the people in my wedding pics to still be people I'm close with in 20 years. You can pick who you are currently close with, but as you said in 5 years they might not even be in your life anymore.

I love this explanation of the types of friends:

https://www.girlfriendcircles.com/blog/index.php/2011/09/what-types-of-friends-do-you-need/

I personally will choose commitment friends to be in my bridal party (if I even have one. No bridal party sounds more and more enticing!)

@Kat That was an interesting read. Thanks! I've figured out that my MOH is my commitment friend and everyone else would be community friends. I guess I'm worried about these three girls falling to the left spectrum if I were to leave that job... but I'll never know until it happens.

Wayyyy to early still.