Anyone honoring a deceased parent(s) of bride or groom during the ceremony?

My FH's dad passed away about three months ago and even though the wedding isn't for a while I think it would hurt too Mich to have an empty chair. Just thinking about it makes me cry. I love the charm and table ideas!

Yes unfortunately and thank you @MrsE

We are doing a memorial table to honor our mother's.

Im sorry for your loss @Future

@ashmar, your post has me in tears. All of these posts do and I am so sorry for you loss. My aunt is hospice right now and knowing she will not be there on my wedding day is just devastating for me. Tomorrow we are taking her with us dress shopping. Davids Bridal is setting up a special section just for us because of the situation. I dont know how I am going to hold it together but I thank God for this opportunity. Honestly I hope I do find my dress so that I know she helped pick it out. All of your ideas are simply beautiful.

I'm doing a memorial table with candles and pictures for my mother and grandparents.

My FH stepdad just passed Away in December so we'll have a chair reserved for him at the ceremony. During the reception there will be a memorial table with an American flag to honor all those who aren't with us. FH is a veteran and has lost some friends in war and my dad was a Navy veteran and since the wedding is Memorial Day weekend we thought we'd add a small patriotic touch.

I'm struggling with this one too... We're already donating to The cancer society in leui of favors.

I do not want want to go the chair route and this post was very helpful and reinforcing I appreciate your advice.

I was thinking of doing a memorial table, but I've lost so many loved ones. And FH has too. I want my wedding to be joyous not somber.

@celia, other officiants and brides...what do you recommend? What is subtle but still shows that you are honoring all of your parted family/friends?

The empty chair thing is way too emotional for me, so we are just going to have a table with a few pictures and a candle lit in their honor

ETA: I know it would devastate my grandma to have to sit next to an empty chair where her husband of 65 years would have sat.

@Disney no thats actually not how this thread was going and please dont call me snowflake , thanks though. Made it very clear i heard similiar advice to Celia's and I recieved it. Its not always what you say its how its said.

Shannon.....you're donating; you're not donating in lieu of anything. Please don't make little signs. I'm a giant fan of donating to causes, but it's really not instead of anything else. It's just an act of grace on your part, and that is wonderful.

This is the reading I use most of the time;

Playwright Welly Yang writes, in his play, Finding Home,? "We are all a culmination of the people that came before us, and we're here to finish the dreams they left unfinished. "

Both Beth and Alex treasure their families and the legacy of those who are here today in spirit. We hear their voices in the whispering of the wind and the crashing of the surf. Let us take a moment to think of these beloved family members with fondness. We know they all rejoice with us.

I might add in a sentence if there is a specific person who was lost in an untimely way; one of my favorites ever talked about the bride's dad, sitting at the end of their local bar with a giant glass of Chianti and a stinky cigar, cursing the Jets. It brought a smile to everyone's faces and then we moved on.

I love tables of photos; not only people lost, but with the people lost in context with the people who are still here. One of my couples had a clothesline across one end of their tent with photos clothespinned to it, Christmas ornaments, Easter eggs, little flags; it sounds really corny, but people loved it, and it was the hit of cocktail hour.

And Richard, I just love that photo!

@Richard the same goes for ppl jumping on me on a post about honoring a deceased relative simply bc I felt someone gave advice in a rude way. Idk who is a pro or who is who i joined this site two days ago. And i didnt join to have a poor experience.

Anyway all that was said actually WAS taken into consideration. Im glad a few ppl understood how I felt. Im far from rude person just dont like feel like i need to be defensive due to how things are expressed to me but then again its up to me in how i percieve things.

We never intended to do the empty chair to offend ppl or make them uncomfortable and thats how it seemed it was taken on here.

People here thought your empty chair plan may make people uncomfortable because it actually might. PPs are right, people other than you and your FH have lost that person too, and you don't know if it'll upset them. I know it would crush my mom and uncle to to have an empty chair for my grandma, regardless of how I'd feel about it. Obviously you wouldn't intentionally make your guests uncomfortable, but the empty chair thing really risks setting off at least one person, hence most people telling you not to do it.

@Fallin my main issue i stated a few times we had family meetings about this decision and it was done at his brothers wedding so i figured they loved the idea so im not sure if ppl are saying it will offend people outside of the actual family

its almost like those comments i mentioned about the family meeting several times to decide were ignored on the thread - and the chair idea wasnt even my idea FHs family proposed the idea

at this point im tired lol this is just a piece of the wedding day i will revisit at a later time

The thing is, just because it was done at FBIL's wedding doesn't mean that its a good idea for yours.

I maintain that SOMEONE attending the wedding will be uncomfortable with this.

Some people will say anything to family because they don't want to upset anyone else.

And no one was rude to you here. We've all been where you are, but we, unlike family and friends, aren't going to just go along with an idea, or say its a good one when it really isn't.

Of course you'd never intentionally try to upset someone at your wedding...but empty chairs make people uncomfortable. Even if his family is 100% ok with it, what about other guests? Do their feelings not count? I, for one, would be super uncomfortable watching a family member place a bouquet of flowers on an empty chair during your wedding. I'm an emotional person, it really doesn't matter if I knew the deceased or not, I'd be upset.

That's all. We're trying to ensure that NONE of your guests are uncomfortable. There are other ways to honor the deceased, that are just as beautiful, just as heartfelt, without being so out there and obvious.

Never said i wasnt considering the feelings of guests outside of the family smh.

Thanks for all advice. I will revisit this part of my wedding at a later time.

My mom passed suddenly in August, she had already bought her dress for the wedding, its a lace layer over a satin material, I am having her dress made into ties for the men to wear and the lace from the dress for ties for the bouquets for the women. I am also have a nice bouquet placed on a seat for her.

I agree with everyone about the empty chair. You validate the idea because the family thinks it's a good idea. But is every one of your guests okay with it? Sure, you can't please everyone, but there's a line you're crossing you could potentially upset someone, and that's with a lost loved one. Do you want a guest to feel they need step out of the ceremony because they can't handle being around it? It does happen. You think everyone is ok with it, but you are underestimating your crowd. Usually, honoring lost loved ones at a wedding needs to be subtle. Just have a moment of prayer during the ceremony and a memorial table.

I lost my dad to cancer 15 years ago. It was a while ago, but anything that reminds me that he's gone brings me back to day one. I would be very hurt if someone set up an empty chair for him at their wedding. What I am doing is walking with with my mom down the aisle holding an urn of his ashes that we have left in my hand. But, it will be discreet and private, and the guests will mostly not be aware of it. Then I'm doing a memorial table only for him.

Celia was not rude to you. She was warning you not to do the chairs because as an officiant, she has experienced what happens when people choose to do it. Calling her comments "assholish" means you actually were rude and are not respecting even though you came on an Internet forum asking for ideas (and yes I saw that comment before it was removed).

@Shannon donating to charities in place of gifts are not favors. Your wedding is not a fundraiser. Just donate on your own time and don't do any favors, and please do some research into what you are donating to. The American Cancer Society is the wealthiest non profit organization in the world. They bring almost a billion dollars a year. It only accounts for 60% of its cancer patients, however, executive salaries are least $800,000. I would highly suggest rethinking that.

No one jumped on you. People gave you feedback on how the empty chairs make other people feel. Everyone knows you didn't mean to offend anyone; it's just good to look at how it affects the people that witness it.