Anyone have a different name for “bride’s personal attendant”?

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You can't tell people how to post. You also posted in the etiquette section, where people are allowed to let you know if you're breaking etiquette. You have the right to do what you want, and other people have the right to let you know it's rude hosting.

Do they already know that you're putting them in this position? That they will have access to the free drinks, etc. and be considered a personal attendant? If they already know and are okay with it I think that's completely fine. I just think it's a little odd, but if it's what you want then definitely go for it! If you google "personal attendants for your wedding" there are so many articles on why it's a good idea. People will have their opinions. Instead of personal attendants, I like PP's post of "bride squad" or is it possible you could designate them as your "Day of Coordinators"? I'm not sure...just throwing out ideas lol

First off, Bailee - Congrats on your big day!

Second, I have heard of personal attendants and will be having two. I have 6 bridesmaids (which is honestly 2, more than I originally wanted). However, I am so lucky and fortunate enough to have a big group of college friends, and one future sister-in-law to share the special day with.

Here are some names I think are great to substitute for personal attendant(s): Friend of Honor, Bride's Babe, Bridal Attendant....

Personally, I am going with Friend of Honor. But at the end of the day, it's not going to matter one bit during your wedding! SO ENJOY YOURSELF LADY! XO - Sarafina

Bailee, I came here after a google search of this exact same question. Sorry for all the backlash you are getting and shame on all the people calling into question about multiple off topic items.

Open Bar or No Bar? Nothing wrong with a cash bar.

Wedding Party drinks for free only? I see NOTHING wrong with this. Your wedding party has paid alot of money to be a part of your wedding. Showers, Bachelorette, Dresses, Shoes, Tuxes, Hair, Makeup, Nails, all the bells and whistles for us ladies starts adding up whether the bride cares about the extras or not most women are going to spend TIME and money on all of these things. I think to give your bridal party free drinks while the rest of the guests pay is perfectly fine. We considered it as well until we realized some people might cheat the system and just go up to get drinks for anyone who wants one which really defeats the purpose.

Alot of you judgemental people are really ruthless and cruel. Thankfully Bailee, you seem like a strong person that isn't letting it get to you.

Back on topic... I have tried to come up with different titles as well for a couple peeps. Flower Girl = Petal Princess, Ring Bearer = Ring Security, Personal Attendant I am unsure of yet but I will come up with something. I mean I am not looking to ask my friend to be my slave for the day. I want her to be a part of it. She will help to keep me calm. We have a large wedding party and I love them all BUT its going to be a lot of moving pieces and I am going to need my friend to wrangle in my sanity for the day and be 'my girl'... And before yall start on your band wagon of whatever. I dont really care about your opinions. As stated by others alot of this is dependent on your geographic location as to what the 'norm' is.

I hope you all have beautiful weddings even you Judgemental Judy's in the bunch.

This is an etiquette board. It gives advice on how to proceed so that your guests are comfortable and you don't offend people. It's purpose is to offer judgment and advice.

Many, many people are offended by the idea of having friends work your wedding (free) and be called "personal assistants."

If, as you say, they're not working and are being included as special, make them bridesmaids or let them do readings.

Hey Bailee I completely agree with everything you are doing. Cash bars are very common where I am from and no one sees them as rude. It is always a nice surprise when someone has an open bar but it is never expected. And to all the guests that say they would just leave right away then you should not have ever been invited since clearly you were there for the free meal/booze instead of supporting the bride and groom. I am asking my future sister in law to be my "honor attendant". I am NOT going to have her be my "slave" I am going to have her get ready with us in the morning and be apart of the wedding festivities. I see it as the equivalent of an usher and all my ushers are very excited to be apart of the wedding as I am sure she will be too. I hope you have a fabulous wedding!!

Hi! I am curious about the original post as well. I have a friend from work, we call each other "work wife." We've worked with/known each other for around a year and half at our small company and if I had known her longer, I feel definitely would have been a bridesmaid. But I felt it was possibly too soon/inappropriate to ask her to be in that role at the time. We've continued to get closer and I would really like for her to be a part of the day in some capacity and enjoy the exciting parts of getting ready together, etc. but it's a bit too late to make changes to the bridal party. I don't particularly find Personal Attendant derogatory (it seems pretty traditional honestly), but I am worried at the number of people I've seen that feel that way. Aside from spending the day with the bridesmaids and myself, I was just hoping for her help with handling tipping of vendors and maybe guiding vendors on some set up with our vision as floral/cake arrive. (My mother is going through chemo currently and I'd love to keep the day low-stress for her, this friend and my mother could team up on these things.) She was just recently married and has offered lots of advice and offered her help however possible. I was considering asking her to be something more fun/modern sounding, then maybe in the wedding program still listing her as "Personal Attendant." Maybe asking her to be Bride Detail (sort of Secret Service sounding), or Wedding HBIC? (She'd really appreciate that one haha!)

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This is an etiquette and advice board. Write to it, and you'll get advice about etiquette.

The bride can do what she wants within the limits of physics and her budget. Whether or not that will be considerate and comfortable for her guests, whether or not she should do it, is the subject of this board. Some people paying and some not is rude and confusing. Not the climate one would wish for one's guests.

And, to get back to the original question, if you want a day-of coordinator, hire one. Don't ask your friends to work your wedding.

View Quoted Comment Ushers have a role in the ceremony, thus have a title. People who visit in your dressing room if you are an actress, or a bride, sharing a little pre-show libation, and calm the nerves and share an emotional moment before the big show or ceremony, are called friends where I come from. For a role in a ceremony, a part to play, you get a title. And employees, get a title. But socially, people not family, whom you hold most dear, are your close friends. It is a nice word.

Hello,

Where I come from it's not uncommon to have up to 4 attendants in your wedding party. I myself have been apart of 4 wedding's where i've been dubbed "personal attendant". I never took offense to this title because it was always for girls that i got along well with: friend of a friend for two of them, and the others were either we had a falling out and were starting to rekindle our friendship or it was a blossoming friendship. I will never understand why people take titles so seriously! I never felts like a bridal servant. It's not like the rest of the bridal party is shouting commands at you to fetch this and fetch that, take this picture, go get so and so, etc.. It was known as the attendant you help the day go smoothly and help out where you can but so do the bridesmaids it's a team effort it comes with the territory of being part of the bridal party.

Some of the names I have been mulling around are: Friend of Honor, Bonus Babes, Ladymaid, Lady Usher, Lady Attendant, Bonusmaiden, Bridesmaiden, Bridebabe, Bridelady, or simply asking will you enjoy my special day with me as part of my Bride Squad/Party.

Hope this helps! XoXo

Shaley Wellmann

The duties of handing out programs goes to an usher who seats guests. A personal assistant is a bridesmaid.


If someone is not close enough to make the cut to be a bridesmaid, they are a guest. "Special jobs" to make a past friendship feel involved only draws attention to the fact they aren't that close to you currently. There is zero reason to involve people out of obligation to please others.

Me and my wife used the term handmaiden for that

View Quoted Comment Wow! I am completely shocked to see how unhelpful and rude some people can be on this site! I will be dropping it all together after this. Women are supposed to come together and help each other out! So many people made so many comments without taking into consideration that you have been down every road possible trying to figure this out and all you were looking for was some help.


I came across this comment because I too, am in need of a title for my niece. She is too old to be a flower girl and I already have 7 bridesmaids (all family). I want her to be my side kick all day and be like my VIP!
I didn’t go through all of the comments, but most of them seem unhelpful. I know this comment is old and you might not even see this, but I hope that somewhere along the way, you got what you were looking for!

I get that this board is about etiquette and advice, but advice doesn't need to be rude. I think people need to remember that traditions vary from place to place, culture to culture. It's ok to disagree, but do it respectfully.

I'm totally in the same place. In the small town I'm from, cash bars are normal and personal attendants are normal - kind of like the bride's side of having ushers. I like the idea of Friend of Honor or Honor Attendants or VIPs. I'm in the same boat with finding ways to include people. I already have nine bridesmaids (which is probably too much, but I can't narrow it down anymore), but I have three more friends that I would like to include in the extra special parts of the day, and I don't think being a reader is special enough for them, but I just can't fit/afford three more women as bridesmaids. So these three friends will be personal attendants, but I consider them honorable positions, not slaves, and intend to treat them as such.