Anyone have a different name for “bride’s personal attendant”?

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Drinking for free? Does that mean that there will be people at your wedding who are not drinking for free? And, even worse, that some of your guests will be charged and some will not?

You could just make them ushers as well. I don't think that ushers need to only be male

Yes, our wedding party is drinking for free. ALL other guests - even family if they are not in the wedding party - are paying. We have a bar credit from our venue that we must use and that was one of the options they gave us.

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That's an extremely rude plan. Don't treat some guests better than others!

I think it’s extremely rude to tell a grown woman what to do, let alone for her own wedding. I’ve seen some people on here say that they would rather have a cash bar than no bar at all if those were their options. And they are guests of honor so if free drinks is the another way the bride wants to honor them then she has the right to. It’s not a common thing Butkus all about knowing your crowd these days.

Nope. Not rude at all. They are our wedding party - they bought dresses, rented tuxes and put a lot of time, energy and their own money into our big day. I’ve been to multiple weddings that have done this. Feel free to focus on your own wedding instead of bashing on mine.

View Quoted Comment Thank you Nell! I agree. In our venue contract we were given a few options on how to use our credit and that was one of them - so clearly it’s been done before. Funny how people can’t say anything nice or helpful but can continue to tear others down.

View Quoted Comment It’s a forum, people take the whole free speech to a whole new level.

Really did did not mean to say “Butkus” lol

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Yup, I've been to a wedding that did this. It was super off putting to go up to the bar and have to be asked if my date was in the bridal party for them to know if it was free or not. I thought it was very rude and the only reason we didn't leave right after dinner was because one of the bridesmaids didn't drink and just literally stood at the bar and got everyone drinks for free.

I'm an open bar or no bar person. But the solution should never be to have your guests pay for their drinks - unless you are the type of person who invites someone over their house and then makes them pay for their drinks there too.

View Quoted Comment An usher has a job to do, seating people. It sounds like you think their title is to honor them for being allowed to hang out with the wedding party, like a celebrity hanger-on , OR like saying, you have been a friend for many years but not good enough to be a bridesmaid. Both sound mildly insulting. BEST would be to forget a separate title. Consider them long time good friends. And if you mention them in your program, it should be as special friends, who now live far away but will always be close to your heart. Then you are honoring them, rather than defining them by a role or duty of people doing something for you. I for one would take that kind of shout out in the program to be a truly special one.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. I have noticed that thr opinion varies a lot on this depending on where you are from. I have never heard of a wedding until coming onto weddingwire that DIDNT have a personal attendent. I can understand peoples persceptives on "telling a grown woman what to do" because thats what it sounds like when you type it out. But in reality its something that you are close too that you want to honor in a special way. For example we had decided prior to choosing our bridal party that we wanted to only have 4 bm & 4 gm so we would have to make some choices. I have 4 sisters so this gave me no room to have anyone else so i went with my closest 4 girls and told my other sisters that i really wanted them to get ready with us and spend the night before as well, instead o saying do u guys wanna be my personal attendents. They did the same for their wedding and we were all perfectly okay with it. Its important to remember that we all have different traditions and perspectives on weddings depending on where we are from or our history of attending wedding. We are all here for the very same reason so lets be respectful of others ideas for their weddings! Whatever you choose to do is perfect for you! I also like the idea of calling them VIPS

If I found out that some people got drinks for free, reserved seating, etc, and I did not, I would quietly go to the ladies room and rip up check for wedding gift.

View Quoted Comment So you’re saying if you went to a wedding and found out you were not seated at the head table with the bride and groom you would refuse to give them their wedding gift? I’m so thankful we have such great families/friends and not people like this.....

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I did not say that. But I don't want to be traipsing around in heels trying to find a seat, having to get my own food, pay for drinks, while others are served, etc. Of course, I would not expect to sit at the head table.

View Quoted Comment Use the bar credit for everyone. Then pay for the rest of their drinks.

We cannot afford an open bar and cash bars are extremely common around here... in fact, I cannot remember the last wedding I went to when there was not a cash bar. Why do you all care so much about what I’m doing for my wedding? I simply just asked if someone could help me out with another name.

View Quoted Comment No one is being served. It is all buffet style. If you want a drink or soda, walk up to the bar and get it. There is no seating chart (except for head table) so sit where you please. If you have such an issue with what I’m choosing to do for my wedding, then get off this forum. Plain and simple.

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"Sit where you please" means bride and groom to lazy to come up with seating chart. Ask any planner, guests do not like it.

Again, nope. According to both of our families and everyone else we have asked, guests would much rather prefer to sit with whomever they please. We are from a small town, everyone knows everyone, no one is going to have an issue with hopping in the buffet line and finding a seat. Again Karen, if you have nothing nice to say, see ya later. Maybe start focusing on your wedding/life. Thanks.

An etiquette site is where people discuss how best to entertain guests and other aspects of social behavior. Opinions on behavior are the purpose of the site. So opinions will be offered.

That said, my mind reels at the idea of treating some guests visibly, intentionally better than others. Imagine giving a dinner party (which is what most wedding receptions are) and charging some guests for beverages while others are given preferred seating. "Here's your ice cream, but the chocolate sauce is only for special people--sorry!"

Have the wedding you can afford. Either cut your guest list or have a mid-afternoon reception and serve cake and punch. Do not treat some of your guests like second-class citizens.