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June2020
Dedicated June 2020

Anyone else not anticipating your Groom going to a strip club for his Bachelor party?

June2020, on May 28, 2019 at 11:28 AM Posted in Parties and Events 2 65
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It almost makes me want to back out of the whole wedding thing. Its not a trust issue, I just see it as disrespectful and trashy. why would i want to marry someone who would like to disrespect me by having contact with another woman or women? he is not "single" we are together married or not. As is every other man who is engaged!

He says its tradition... and yes he has went to a few with his buddies who gotten married when we first started dating and I really had no say in what he did as we were just starting out....even then i had an issue..... Now its his turn and i dont like it one bit, i hate this tradition, I always hated it to start with.

I dont see the point of him going to be rubbed up , being motor-boated skin to skin contact by a strange naked woman rubbing on his parts through his pants and then coming home to me smelling like a W**** house....and thats what he says.... ill be coming home to you.... like i want a man turned on by another woman , being touched by another woman trying to bed me afterward... no thank you

He would really love for me to go to a strip club and see men but I honestly dont want to or feel the need too. I have everything i want in him. im not sure if its just because he knows im not that kind of person why he seems so cool with me going to enjoy myself.

so i compared it to our neighbor who is a stranger- flashing his junk and rubbing himself on me how he would feel..he said he'd be pissed and he said its not the same... to me its the same.. stranger.. body parts... advancements, motions.....someones trying to get some kind of gratification.....he says its still not the same.

I just cant stomach him going out for a night doing those things men like to do, it makes me sick literally thinking about it.

Im not sure how to deal with this.... my feelings are very strong

talking him out of it is no good, just hoping i make him feel bad and he backs out.. not likely


i know i cant be the only woman in this world who feels this way.. anyone else????





65 Comments

Latest activity by Lynne, on June 25, 2019 at 8:31 PM
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag

    I agree with you! If both members of the couple are cool with it, then fine... but honestly the whole thing grosses me out! I'm really thankful that my FH feels the same way, but I'm so sorry yours doesn't :/ I feel like it is a matter of respect honestly. He doesn't have to understand WHY you feel that way, but he should respect it and respect your feelings. I would hope he wouldn't want to do something that would upset you this much, even if he doesn't understand why Smiley sad

    • Reply
  • Future Mrs. K
    VIP June 2019
    Future Mrs. K ·
    • Flag

    I think this is a super personal thing so first of all do not let anyone tell you or make you feel like you are wrong for feeling this way. Everyone is comfortable with different things and just because you are not comfortable with this doesn't make you wrong. Personally, I would not want my FH going to a strip club. I think it's degrading, disrespectful, and I am not comfortable with it. Luckily, my FH has no interest in them so I don't even have to worry about it. In my opinion, if you are telling your FH that it makes you uncomfortable and that you are not okay with it, he should respect that and not go. If he is still going, knowing that you feel uncomfortable and disrespected, I think this is could be a bigger issue and I would really rethink entering a marriage with someone who is okay with doing that to you.

    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Savvy July 2019
    Nicole ·
    • Flag
    If he cant respect how upset it makes you then you need to be having a whole separate conversation about that in itself. I understand that some men love strip clubs and that this is the way alot of men celebrate this time in their life... maybe try and see and understand why this is important to him, if he feels it's more important to have one more hoorah with him and his boys at your expense that's an issue ... sorry your dealing with this. My fiancee hates strip clubs but his best man his brother was dying to take him to one. I told him in front of my fiancee you guys can go out get drunk have fun ... but their will be no woman of any sort involved and my fiancee agreed ... its respect not ownership and if he dosent like it for you then he knows exactly what it means 🤷‍♀️
    • Reply
  • Nikita
    VIP April 2019
    Nikita ·
    • Flag

    You are completely welcome to feel however you want. You do not need to justify why you don't want him to go to a strip club - it's just a boundary for you. He should respect your boundaries - just as you do his.

    My rule was he could 'do whatever you want, but if it'll make me upset, don't tell me.' He didn't take me up on it (told me about every minute he was gone - and he definitely behaved). But we definitely talked about limits.

    • Reply
  • Bride2020
    Devoted May 2020
    Bride2020 ·
    • Flag
    I agree with everything both previous posters said, I would add that there should be no him not understanding why you don’t want him to go in this situation, to me it’s extremely clear! I would be careful and wary just like previous post said, there is potentially a bigger issue here if he isn’t respecting your voice with something like this. “It’s not cheating, I just made out with her, YOU could go make out with someone and I wouldn’t be mad!” has the same logic as what he’s telling you when he says you should go to one also.
    • Reply
  • June2020
    Dedicated June 2020
    June2020 ·
    • Flag

    It really repulses me

    • Reply
  • Brae
    VIP September 2019
    Brae ·
    • Flag
    Even if you were the only woman in the world that felt this way (you're not), he's marrying you, so he should respect your feelings. Especially with how strongly you feel about it. Tell him its important to you, if he doesn't care, then that could mean bigger problems for you. You don't want him thinking his feelings/ ideas are more valid than yours in every difficult situation that arises. Also it's not tradition, not every man goes to strip club. (Also disclaimer: I am okay with strip clubs, but me and other people who are outside of your relationship, their opinions do not matter, so don't let him guilt you by saying all his friends think its fine)
    • Reply
  • Abbey
    Dedicated September 2019
    Abbey ·
    • Flag
    You have every right to feel that way. That was a big concern of mine and luckily FH says he has no interest or intentions (and my brother is in wedding party and he says he would never let that happen). Maybe just keep telling him that you find it very hurtful and hope he understands but if you’re close with the best man (assuming he is planning it) talk to him about your concerns? That’s tough. I would be absolutely crushed if my FH went to one
    • Reply
  • June2020
    Dedicated June 2020
    June2020 ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    the one last hoorah thing is funny because he had years and plenty of hoorahs before me , is it necessary for anymore? ( shivers)

    • Reply
  • N
    Expert July 2019
    Natalie ·
    • Flag
    I feel the exact way luckily my fiancé feels the same way and has been telling everyone in his party to not bring any of that stuff all he wants to do is go camping he loves the woods, camping, hiking and all the nature stuff but everyone keeps saying no that doesn’t work because they can’t bring strippers to the woods and in front of me! I don’t know if they are playing around or are serious but it definitely bugs me.
    • Reply
  • Melissa
    VIP September 2019
    Melissa ·
    • Flag
    I feel the same way as you and agree with previous posters that it is disrespectful of your boundaries and relationship with him disregarding your feelings. And you are exactly right with the neighbor explanation. Same exact thing. I think you definitely need to have a strong conversation with him about it. I’m very thankful that FH and his grooms people (we have women on his side) seem to have that out of their systems at our age and have decided to go camping and rafting. Good luck! I hope he comes around.
    • Reply
  • Furture Mrs. G
    Expert September 2019
    Furture Mrs. G ·
    • Flag

    I 100% agree with you! My MOH has even said "Alexis you have to let him go. Its a one time thing." I don't like the thought of a woman being in my FHs face either. Its disgusting to me. I have expressed how I feel about this and I am hoping he doesn't do it. So far, his Groomsmen haven't even said if they were going to do anything- So hopefully that means NO STRIP CLUB. The only naked person he should want to see is me. That is why he is marrying me. What's the point in going to a strip club? What is he going to get from it besides a lap dance. I am hoping he puts his religion in place whenever he is asked to go. He hasn't made it a huge deal that he wants to or has to go though. So maybe I am in luck. Your FH should totally respect your feelings and morals.

    • Reply
  • WifeyPoo
    Devoted July 2019
    WifeyPoo ·
    • Flag

    You have every right to feel this way. And as your FH, he needs to respect the boundaries you've created. That means putting his friends in their place. Neither one of us feels okay with jeopardizing our impending marriage in any way. We didn't do that stuff for the past 4.5 years we've dated, and we don't need that now. As PP stated, if he can't respect your wishes and is influenced heavily by peer pressure from his friends, you have a bigger issue than one night at the strip club. Stand your ground!

    • Reply
  • Heather
    Expert August 2020
    Heather ·
    • Flag
    Same here I think it’s disgusting. And I don’t hide my opinions on it. I don’t want to be around strippers for my Bach party either I’d rather go to a winery or have a spa day. My fiancé was told he’s not to go to a strip club and he already said he doesn’t want to to begin with. And I let him know if he goes to one there will be no wedding, because I will not be disrespected like that.
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    I think you have given very logical reasons on why you're uncomfortable, so if your fiance or anyone else claims they don't understand why you don't like it they're simply ignoring you! Which is unacceptable.
    If you both were fine with it then it would be okay, but as your future spouse he should be respectful of your comfort and needs, if he can't contain himself before your wedding why would he be able to after? If he's gone before there's nothing new for him to see or do at a strip club.
    My fiance doesn't like strip clubs, he's like you where he finds the whole thing repulsive. So we are having a combination bachelor/bachelorette party and going axe throwing with our wedding party. Maybe you two can look into something similar.
    I personally am a hardass and would tell him if he goes to a strip club I'm not marrying him, but I would also follow through with that threat if you won't follow through don't say it.
    • Reply
  • Future Mrs. McCully
    Devoted July 2019
    Future Mrs. McCully ·
    • Flag

    I feel the same exact way that you feel.

    My fiance knows that I think that strip clubs are trashy, gross and disrespectful to the person waiting at home for you....he is respecting my wishes and is not going to a strip club....even though a few of his friends are giving him a hard time about it.

    When we were first dating he went to his best friend's bachelor party...he went to the dinner but came home right after that because he had no desire to look at anyone in that way other than me. At that point I didn't even express how I felt about them and I realized that he has so much respect for me.

    It would be hard to talk him out of it, I am sure.

    I have heard way too many stories about trashy strippers and if mine was going I would have to set some boundaries....or maybe rethink the whole marriage with someone who has no respect for my feelings and all the respect for stupid, trashy "traditions".

    • Reply
  • Allie
    Master August 2019
    Allie ·
    • Flag

    I agree with you and all the previous posters. It grosses me out in general, but the thing that bothers me most is that he isn't willing to budge based on how much it bothers you.

    • Reply
  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
    • Flag
    To me the biggest issue in this is he knows it bothers you and doesnt care. Is that going to be the standard for the rest of your marriage? If he wants to do something bad enough than your opinion doesn't matter??

    Major red flags.
    • Reply
  • Jessica
    Master September 2020
    Jessica ·
    • Flag
    I completely understand how you feel, though my FH doesn’t really have any interest in strip clubs. If he did, I would hope he would understand how I felt about it. He’s actually the one who suggested me do a combined bachelor/bachelorette party because we are not celebrating our last day of being single, we haven’t been single for over 7 years (by the wedding date at least) and neither of us feel the need to act like it for one night before we get married. Instead, we think it would be fun to do some coed activities so our wedding party can bring their SO’s too and just everyone have fun together. I’ve only met his BM once, so I’m not sure how he’ll feel about it, and my MOH really wants to take me to Vegas for a girls weekend (neither of us have any interest in seeing a strip show, just doing other fun things), but ultimately FH and I are on the same page. I’m sorry your feelings are being disregarded, I hope that the two of you can communicate with each other and resolve this. Try to listen to his point of view, even if you don’t agree with it, and hopefully he will give you the same courtesy and try to understand how you feel. Regardless of whether he thinks you’re feelings are justified or not, you are entitled to feel the way you do and he should respect that.
    • Reply
  • CourtneyBrittain
    Master August 2019
    CourtneyBrittain ·
    • Flag
    I also am opposed to the strip club “tradition” and FH knows that. He knows how I feel and is 100% respecting of that. I told him if that were the one thing he asked for and really truly felt the “need” to go to a strip club I’m not going to stop him because it’s not my job to order him around but thankfully he said he doesn’t want to go to a strip club if I don’t want him there. His best man also wouldn’t plan that for him so I am very lucky.
    I agree that it’s an odd tradition and one that needs to stop, I personally don’t understand why it ever became a tradition in the first place.
    • Reply

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