Any friendships changed after engagement? VERY Wordy... TIA!

This is also currently happening with me! My best friend of almost 15 years, is in my wedding and refuses to answer my texts to talk about the wedding and won't help AT all! I've been really upset about this .

My concern is that maybe she knows something about your FH that you don't and she isn't ready to tell you for one reason or another. Just a thought.

OP, I'm confused. First you said her concern was because you make more money than your FH, but later you say he makes more than you?

@Katie-you know that your BP doesn’t have to do anything until the wedding day, right?

@Sos sorry, let me clarify. She originally said that me making more than him was her concern. I told her that he actually makes more than me at this time, but even if he didn't, it really doesn't matter to me at all. She said that even though I say it doesn't matter, it will bother me in the future. She is "sure" I will eventually make more since I have a higher degree.

She had no idea at all how much either of us makes, which is why she assumed I made more. Its not something I actively talk about, because there isn't really a reason to. We have never had any financial struggles and live very comfortably.

@Elizabeth this is definitely something that crossed my mind. However, we live a few hours away from her and we don't actively get to see one another. If this is the case, I would really hope she would tell me.

I had two friends that were in relationships that I was concerned about. I think that if you disapprove of a friends relationship, you get one chance to tell them and explain why and after that keep it to yourself (unless you find out something new). And that is what I did. The first time I was concerned because my friend was in college and seemed to be moving very very fast with a guy who was ten years older than her, lived in another city and needed a green card. She said that she knew it was very fast and the fact that he would have to leave the country if they didn't get married was putting added pressure on the relationship, but she was happy. And they are still married eight years later. I think that if I had kept harping on it it could have ended the friendship but I didn't and I am happy to be wrong. The second time the guy seemed to be extremely controlling and bad for my friend's self esteem. I told her my concerns and she said I was probably right but she didn't want to break up with him. I never mentioned it again and later when he broke up with her I was able to be there to support her.

I don't think it would have been wrong for your friend to mention her reservations when you first told her you were getting married. Not letting it go or even giving you concrete reasons means that she should not be in your bridal party. That is for people who support you.

To me, it sounds like she doesn't like your FH or something about your relationship concerns her, but doesn't know how to tell you. Obviously just guessing here, I don't know any of you, but that's just how it seems.

ETA: she does not sound jealous. Why do people always jump to that conclusion?

She sounds jealous

" ETA: she does not sound jealous. Why do people always jump to that conclusion?"

This is going to sound sexist, but I'll say it: because they're women. If two men had this same exact conflict, no other man would say the first man sounds jealous. That wouldn't even be on the radar. But every time a woman has a conflict with one of her girlfriends, people automatically jump to "she's jealous." I've seen it time and time again on this forums and others.

Popping in to say:

@Elizabeth, I don't think what you said is sexist, it's the unfortunate truth.

And this isn't me endorsing internalized misogyny bullshit, this is me saying that you took the words out of my mouth in regards to the women and jealousy correlation.

It's sad that society is conditioned to think women should just compete with each other, but alas, here we are.

@Elizabeth you're totally right. That shouldn't be the case, but it's true. Like every woman is stereotypically catty?

ETA: @Jay, I agree, it is sad.

In your late twenties, friendships inevitably start to change as people finish school, move, get married, have kids, new jobs, etc. Not *every* friendship is meant to last forever and that’s okay. Relationships change and you will soon find new friends on the same page as you whom you develop closer ties with eventually. And yes, I had many friendships change when I got engaged. I’m the first in my friends group to get married and many of my friends are single. When I first got together with H, my best friend who introduced us tried to break us up twice. She tried again after we were engaged. (I distanced myself from her after the first incident but couldn’t completely cut her off due to booking an international trip for six months later with her). She separately caused a scene at my engagement party, shower, and bachelorette. Which is why I requested she not be invited but that didn’t happen. Besides sending her a thank you note, I have 100% cut her off and I think she 100% deserves it, I have no regrets. H and I moved shortly after the wedding and none of my friends bother to respond when I send them birthday messages or ask them how life is going. I am going home for Christmas and literally have zero friends who can confirm they want to meet up. Alternatively, my MOH told me her boyfriend is a coke dealer and uses regularly, he body shames her daily (he’s a “body builder”), told her to get on steroids to lose weight, he doesn’t love her and he doesn’t want to stay with her. She called me crying, saying she was moving out, and she was starting to sink back into depression. I told her I was proud of her, loved and supported her, and urged her to get away from him. I spent a considerable amount of time expressing my concerns about who he is as a person and how he treats her. Two days later she told me they have a lease until August. She seemed to forget everything she told me. She now refuses to speak to me. Did I deserve it? I don’t think so. If it’s really only about money, I would just repeat the fact that everything is fine to her and if you want her to stand with you, ask and she can choose. However, there may be something else she is trying to tell you. Something she heard or know but it may make you feel uncomfortable. I would want to know. So I think you should just have a heart to heart with her. If she can’t come up with anything and she’s driving you crazy with negativity, bye.

Wow sounds like my mom, as soon as I got the ring, she basically kicked me out of the house and wouldn't talk to me. We're just now getting back to talking honestly.

This very same thing happened to me with my "best friend". After I was engaged she seemed happy for me for a few months but when wedding talk started ramping up she didn't seem interested at all. The conversation would always end up going back to her and her husband. I confronted her before the wedding because she was one of my MOH's and she swore everything was fine and she just had a lot going on (which I get). Fast forward to a month after the wedding and she has said some pretty hurtful things about my husband and I. Now I regret having her in my wedding honestly. I wish she would have stated her feelings beforehand. Things happen and lives change. At the end of the day my husband/happiness is what matters.

Let me say this....You need to have a conversation with her and tell her to explain to you why she feels you are not ready to get married. Each of us bring our own personal experiences to any relationship, so perhaps she has seen, heard or knows something that you don't. Or perhaps something from her past is haunting her and she might see a similarity in your relationship. Please don't get take this wrong but you do not know where she is coming from or where her thoughts are. I will have to say that I find it positive that even though she has expressed some feelings about getting married she also has expressed that she wants to be there for you. Invite her to dinner, has it out, ask her for specifics...it could be as simple as she is scared of losing you as a friend, or as complicated as she know or has seen something that you do not know about. You are not going to resolve this situation unless you ask her. Good Luck!