Any friendships changed after engagement? VERY Wordy... TIA!

Personally, I wouldn't want anyone in my wedding party who didn't like my husband or support my marriage. Our ceremony even had a part where our pastor asked our wedding party, do you support this marriage. Of course my friends don't have to agree on everything but it seems like really basic wedding 101 that the people standing beside you should actually think your marriage is a positive thing. That said, you should hear your friend out if she has serious doubts if those doubts go beyond, I just don't want you to get married.

@amanda that actually shouldn't be the reason they stand up with you necessarily. I mean it's great if they're your "biggest fan" but that's the last thing I thought of when asking my BMs. One of my BMs never even met my FH! The bridal party should be consistent of those who you care about and want there with you. If they despise your SO or don't approve of the marriage then that can be an issue but it's important to find out what their specific issues are. It could be as simple as jealousy. I lost some friends who I thought were good friends because they couldn't stand that when I had free time I wanted to see my FH. They were obsessive over my time and it made me feel like I was being pulled in too many directions. This is really a case by case situation and it's up to the op to communicate with the friend and decide if she should be part of the BP.

Why does she want to be in your BP if she doesn't support you getting married? It seems like she's going through something of her own. If this is still an issue when it's time to choose your BP, be honest with her about that. In the meantime don't bring up wedding stuff with her. If she brings it up, use it as an opportunity to share your confusion over her mixed messages.

I lost a friendship of over 10 years after getting engaged. Was in a similar situation. She assumed she would be my MOH but was in an excellerated nursing program when I got engage so I asked her to be a bridesmaid and told her with her scheduled I knew she could tackle on being an MOH. She made a huge deal about it got the other bridesmaids involved. Then things were fine for awhile. I picked out the bridesmaids dresses she was vocal on hating them and saying they were too expensive. She said my wedding dress was not flattering. She left my engagement party after an hour. She told me she needed more time to afford her bridesmaid dress so she missed the order deadline set by brideside so we extended it only for her. And then her boyfriend and her broke up so we took him off the guest list (obv) and 5 months later she texts me about having a plus one. We are only giving plus ones to couples. We have a max capacity of 200. Which I told her, and she said her and the ex were "talking" about getting back together. She blew up on me. We are no longer friends and she wont attending the wedding let alone a bridesmaid.

I felt the way you felt. You can't bring it up, but she wants to be super involved.

I feel so much better with her out of the wedding though. I'm a little sad to lose the friendship but you really do know who your real friends are during this process.

I hope things get better for you

@Alyssa-so, you didn’t ask your BMs budgets, are demanding of their free time, and are judgemental of their relationships, good luck.

@OP I think you need to have an open and honest discussion with this friend about why she feels you should not get married and if that reason is a legitimate one. If she does not give you a straightforward answer like what she has been giving you or her answer doesn't apply to your situation (you stated she said something about financials and you said you and FH were financially stable) then she should not be a part of your bridal party. Good luck to you, I hope everything works out.

@alyssa ... news flash, you were entirely in the wrong. If your friend tells you that a dress you picked out is too expensive it's your job to work within their budget. Sounds like throughout the whole process you were incredibly inconsiderate and rude to your so-called friend.

Alyssa- If I were your friend I would be running far far away too if you treated me like that. Holy crap

The natural order of things I'm afraid, oh....usually by the time you hit mid to late 20s and major life changes happen. The number of friends go down, and not every friend can come with you on your journey.

Have a serious face to face conversation with her. Now. Don't let it add more stress than it already has. Tell her no more skirting around it- she needs to tell you exactly what's going on, or she can't be in your bridal party period since she isn't honest with you about her feelings on the matter, and you can't have someone standing with you that has doubts about your marriage. Be upfront with her about wanting your sister as a MOH. If you keep avoiding it, the elephant in the room will grow.

That's odd to me. Even if she doesn't agree with it she should support you. My bestie sat down with me and had a talk after I got engaged and told me that if she wasn't MOH or in the BP she would be hurt, but she would accept it because she loves me and it was my day. (Little did she know I was planning to ask her that day to be my MOH).

Sadly it is common to lose jealous, hurt, selfish, or busy friends during an engagement because they cant take the pressure (even if they only have to buy a dress and show up) it sounds to me like she has her own stuff going on and is projecting on to you.

Problem is, we’re only getting your side of the story here. It may be easy for us to say “she’s just jealous” or “she’s a bad friend.” Maybe she has legitimate concerns and you’re having trouble seeing them through engaged-goggles. Try to sit down with her and actually listen to her concerns without being defensive or brushing her off. Actually look deep down and see if there are valid concerns. This might be a friend desperately trying to help you.

Thanks so much for the advice everyone! To answer some questions, we are in our mid/late 20s. We have been together for 5 1/2 years and lived together for 3. He is a great man and together I feel like we are an amazing team! When she refers to financial stability, she is mostly saying this bc my FH has a associates degree while I have a bachelors.. However that literally doesn't matter to me at all, and he even makes more than me (not that that matters)... I am going to try and plan a sit down talk with her and discuss things. She is the only person I know who has not been extremely excited for FH and I and I do want to understand her concerns. At the end of the day though, while I consider her my best friend, my FH is my true best friend and the one that my relationship is most important with in regards to the wedding. I so appreciate all the help and especially stories similar to mine!! Helps to know you aren't alone!

@Future Mrs C, definitely sounds like jealousy to me. When you talk to her, make sure she understands how hurtful it is to you that she is so critical of your relationship. If that truly is her issue with him, then she's being very selfish with her attitude.

Interesting. When you said she was talking about you not being ready, my first thought was maybe you were in your late teens or early 20s and/or had just started dating FH, because I could possibly see her concern. Not that even then the concern would necessarily be warranted, but it could be understandable. However it sounds like you have a solid foundation, have been dating a long time, and are plenty old enough to know what you want. If her concern is truly his education level, that's petty. Especially if he has a stable job. And I don't really think that should be any of her concern. I'm sorry she is being like this. I would sit down with her. Maybe there is something she isn't telling you

My best friend started acting really weird with me when I first started dating my now husband. I came to realize that she was jealous that I was so happy. She was in a miserable marriage and shortly after I started dating my h she cheated on her husband and couldn't see why I was so mad about it. At that point she had only met my h once and he lost all respect for her. Long story short I haven't seen her now in over a year.

My best friend of 10 years ended our friendship right after I got engaged. I had just started my master's and it's a very intense program. We have class 8 hours a day, 5 days a week plus all the studying. I couldn't give her the attention she was used to. I also had a lot of family issues that happened right when I started plus FH was getting ready to deploy. She told me I was a terrible friend because I wasn't there for her. I gave her the attention I could with everything going on in my life, but it was still never good enough. She never once cared about things going on in mine. It was hard to balance 26 credit hours at once (that's two semesters worth in one semester), multiple family issues, FH deploying, and my friends but she didn't seem to understand and wanted to just put blame on something easy. She said some horrible things to me that I would never say to even my worst enemy. To this day, we still aren't friends. She continues to try to harass my family and friends to try to get a reaction out of me. She has never apologized for anything she said or did. If she truly feels the way she said she did about me, I don't want someone like that in my life.

Sometimes things just change people. People change over time and go in different directions. She may be jealous of the stages you're going in your life and maybe feels as though you're leaving her behind and this is the way she acts out. If you can, try to dig a little deeper and see where she's coming from.

@Olivia I agree about not treating it like a privilege... However, I feel like she is the one acting like she has a right to it. At the end of the day, I would probably just not include her as part of the BP but she has made it clear that would ruin our friendship. That is what is putting me in a hard spot.

@April @Shannon so sorry y'all had to go through similar/ worse situations!! It definitely adds an extra layer of stress to everything.

If any of my friends had concerns about H before we got married, I damn well hope they would have let me know. That's literally what friends are for - to point out if they think you may be making a mistake or should spend a little more time thinking about something. Since telling someone you aren't completely sure about their relationship is potentially friendship-ending, I would assume someone isn't saying it lightly and would really try to weigh whatever perspective they provide.

All that bring said, if all she can come up with is I don't think you're ready, maybe you have different views of ready. I listened to something once that said some people want to build something together with their SO, and others want to build it first and then find the SO that "fits," sort of. Ex. Some people feel they need to be established in their career before they take a big relationship step, while others want to have an SO that they can figure dual careers out with together.... or want to take care of the home and not have a career. None of those are bad, they are all just different! It's possible that her definition of "ready" is just different than yours, but you need a more in depth conversation to figure that out and decide what, if anything, it means for your relationship with her.