Any Chinese Brides Out There? I need some guidance

His mom has said that I shouldn't get the dress, but she is known to say one thing, but really want another and get upset when we don't read her mind.

Any additional help or advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you!

Not Chinese... but searched the WW archives to find this advise

Typically traditional Chinese ceremony's are held in sea food restaurants lol but not like red lobster, its compeltely different. There are tons of round tables with lazy suzans in the middle, usually with a hard liquor, soda bottle, and centerpiece. There is a speaker who usually announces the family members and bride and groom. There is usually the pheonix and dragon somewhere to represent male and female. 8-12 course of sea food (lobster, crab, fish, scallions, shrimp, ect) continue to come all night while small games and speaches go on with music, dancing can be held after with cake cutting. The Best Man does the toasting for the bride and groom at every table so they do not get drunk lol and the bride and goom toast with tea in there flutes. (cont)

One of the major differences is that Chinese do not give gifts, they give money in Hung Boa which is a red envelope that typically has the double happiness symbol on the front. The guests then put money in the envelopes to represent financial prosperity

representing joy, love, and happiness to the couple.

That's a tough spot. Are there any other family members (sisters, cousins, aunts, even men) or family friends that you could go to for guidance? Even if you don't know them well, this could be a good way to get to know them!

Served a dim sum ? have the "Lion Dance" at the cocktail hour ? Wear a red dress for the tea ceremony ? do they expect a whole pig on display ? wear a jade necklace (for luck) ?

again... all little comments I have seen while searching old posts, so maybe do some more research into these things. Great Ideas Lauren.... does FH have any sisters or Aunts that you can hit up for questions? Good Luck!

We live in the Midwest, his parents on the west coast. Our ceremony and reception are in the Midwest. We discussed this with them as well as the venue options, they didn't have an opinion, so when we chose wrong, they didn't talk to us for several weeks (we chose a venue that only fit 225 people, his mom had a guest list she didn't share that had over 300 in it). They are now agreeing that we will have 3 receptions, the second one to be theirs happening 3 weeks later on the east coast(where his mom's family lives). The 3rd on our honeymoon in Asia.

Since nothing is making her happy unless we choose to follow a tradition she won't explain to us (his family has said "Your not Chinese, you won't understand it anyway"), any help is welcome. (FYI, I'm sure that they are just mad he is marrying a non-chinese girl).

Haylye, THANK YOU! I love that the best man does the toasting at the table, I was a bit nervous for that. Do you have any resources you can share (websites or books)?

I'll be searching old WW postings.

Hey I'm chinese and here is what I know:

the tea ceremony involves the groom picking up his bride and presenting tea to his family and then you'd present the tea too and they would drink it. They also put a TON of gold you. It's mostly gold jewelry.

I got a qipao from China. It's really up to you if you'd like to wear it but it's beautiful. Very traditional qipao is red with a phoenix and dragon on it. Message me if you'd like more info

BTW where in China is your fiance from? I am from Guangzhou and I have a DVD of one of my cousin's cousin's wedding that is very traditional. If you let me know your mailing address i can send you a copy. you just won't be able to understand the language lol

Typically, the tea ceremony is in the morning at the bride's parents home, or sometimes at both homes. In your case, it will probably be at his parent's home. Sometimes they only give the little red envelopes, while other times, they give gold jewelry to the girl and watches and such to the guy. You will serve each parent and guest tea while kneeling down. You should wear a traditional dress during the tea ceremony. A lot of time, they will serve food afterward.

We had a semi-traditional Chinese tea ceremony. Not at anyone's parent's home as per tradition (too many divorced parents); all at one place. Traditional folks do an elaborate "fetch the bride" thing in the morning, up to you, we skipped it. I wore a Cantonese traditional wedding dress called "qun kwa", a 2 piece (jacket & skirt) embroidered outfit. Husband wore his tux, but your groom may want to wear the traditional male Chinese outfit. Both these items are available to rent at any major Chinatown wedding clothes shop. Otherwise you can google/shop online. If your fiance wears the traditional outfit, note that there is a something that looks like a giant red bow as part of his outfit - this is supposed to be your baby carrying sling later! We knelt and served tea in pairs to our direct and extended elders. Don't wear jewelry, they will give you gold and heirlooms during the ceremony, and money. Address elders by proper title AND USE BOTH HANDS TO OFFER TEA & ACCEPT ANYTHING! see pic.

You need to get a "lucky lady" to be your tea helper. She will hold the tray of teacups for you to take and offer to the elders, and then you put the cup back on her tray and she refills it for the next offering. "Lucky" lady means a happily married woman with a healthy kid, or as close as you can get to this. Not one of the people you are serving tea to. Get a couple of red pillows to kneel on - I got pillow covers for only $3 each at Chinatown, with a "fook" lucky character on them.

At the reception you sit at the head table with parents, toast every table, and if your groomsman is good he will dilute your (bride and groom) drinks with tea (same color as hard liquors) or at least water so you aren't drunk and red as heck by the end of it. The reception involves three dresses! Go shopping! White ceremony dress, red Cantonese dress, colorful evening "going away" gown. This symbolizes the traditional three days it would take to have a full wedding back in the day in China.

my pics..

Thank you, thank you, thank you Christine and Rich! That is very helpful!

You were a beautiful bride!

No problem! I know it was hard for me to find good guidance on Chinese wedding traditions anywhere. Good Luck Life (the book) was ok, you might want to check it out. Let me know if you have more questions, I'll try to tell you what we did that's relevant.

Is it acceptable for a Chinese wedding to be on a Sunday?