Am I missing something? Why do you let parents invite guests?

We paid for our wedding, I gave a copy to each of our moms and asked my dad verbally if there was anyone he wanted there.

At the last minute (a week before the venue was supposed to be paid in full) his mom remembers someone she forgot to invite that gets invited everywhere (a close family coworker/friend)

I gave her the list MULTIPLE times. -___- No honey, no.

Amen. We paid for the wedding ourselves and had it at a venue that could only accommodate a little over 100 with the layout we wanted. MIL was offended--I mean, really, really offended--by the fact that she couldn't invite her friends, but there was no way we were cutting our own friends/family for people DH hasn't seen in 20 years. I think even if we had unlimited space and budget, I'd still only have wanted people who we are actually close to there. I will say, though, that I definitely understand the pressure of giving parents seats. It was a pretty difficult situation to handle.

We are paying for our wedding ourselves, other than the rehearsal dinner which is being split 3 ways. I let my parents each have a few guests based on people I have felt were more like family growing up. I asked FH's parents if they had anyone they wanted to include, but they declined. Total, my parents have 7 invited friends from our 130 person invite list, and 5 will be attending.

My parents paid for most of the wedding, and only wanted to invite 2 couples that DH and I knew really well. His parents didn't pay and gave us a list of 30 "non-negotiable" friends. DH's parents come from old rural evangelical Iowa. I think that part of the reason parents thing they get to invite people is because traditionally, the bride's parents hosted the wedding, thus they hosted their friends. Weddings were also more community affairs. Full fancy dinners weren't as common as cake and punch or light appetizer receptions. DH also explained that his parents had the mindset that people who were there to "help raise" us should be invited over our friends. So that explains why DH's babysitters and random family friends he hasn't talked to in 10 years were on the "non-negotiable" list.

Now days, the couple often hosts the wedding or hosts it with the parents. The emphasis is much more on treating guests to a nice dinner and cocktails. Receptions are more intimate with only the people the couple wants to share this moment with. That's my take on it at least. I think parents, whether they are hosting or not, should be more concerned with having the bride and groom invite the people they want there than with their adult friends, but whatever.

I am fighting with my fathers wife right now about this. She cornered me on Christmas and asked "what friends of mine are you inviting to your wedding?" I was blown away with her boldness.

I guess my sister allowed this at her wedding in August.

I wanted to yell "show me the money!!"

But I didn't. I thought this was incredibly rude for someone to ask when they haven't contributed in any way whatsoever. Not even moral support.

I don't think it's out of line for parents to be able to invite some friends that have actually been in their kids lives, IF that's okay with the kids (and I personally don't think the paying part matters....it's not the parents' time to entertain. It's a time for the couple to celebrate with THEIR friends and family. I know, that's a weird concept....)

But if they're not contributing at all? Your circus, your peanuts...

My fiancé's parents are contributing a significant portion of money to the wedding. They have helped us a LOT over the past few years so I felt it was important to give them some freedom with their list. I tried in the beginning to impose some boundaries but quickly gave up the fight; it wasn't worth months of arguing about the extra people they wanted to invite.

I do feel sad about this though. I'm unable to invite some of my own friends because I desperately do not want to go over budget.

I wish what Celia said could apply to me; for his parents, everyone they want to invite has been a part of his life. There doesn't seem to be a line in the sand for that. I can't do anything about it anymore. I just have to find a way to be zen and have fun regardless of who is (or isn't) at the party.

My in laws are contributing significantly.

Also, if they were not, I would have limited them to a few people because..I'm not about to start my marriage with friction over not inviting 5 people.

My FMIL contributed about 1/3 of our guest list since her family lives near our wedding location. But they're also contributing a significant amount, so I had no problem with it. If we could afford the whole thing ourselves, we definitely would have kept tighter reins on the guest list.

My parents had about 12+ friends that they wanted to invite and I said no. We wanted something more intimate and it was putting us way over budget. Since FH and I are primarily paying, I just had to say no but I made sure to invite their 2 closest friend couples that have known them before I was born.

My mom is contributing to my wedding and has not asked to invite anyone at all. I haven't offered either. My FIL's aren't like that either so I'm lucky. I wouldn't want to ask for lists from either side because that just adds unnecessary frustration.

Absolutely, It would be different if I knew the friends. But my step-mom wants me to invite her bar hangout friends. All because she wants to have someone there to hang out with because she can't play nice with my mothers side of the family. :/ that's a big negative.

We asked who they thought should be invited. My parents paid the lion's share of the reception, and they said no one, but we invited 2 of their friends anyway. MIL's list was the standard family members we'd have invited anyway. If anyone got crazy we would have shut it down but didnt have that issue.

I am a 4 time MOB and I don't get it either! We gifted our girls their weddings. THEIR weddings - their guest list. I did ask each of the 2 oldest (my bio dds) if they would invite both of my best friends and their replies were "Of course! They are already on the list. I have known them my whole life!" I didn't ask for anyone else and would have been fine if they had said no but they have known these people since preschool days and still enjoy their company.

Even though we paid for their weddings we didn't feel it was appropriate to be inviting our friends. They had plenty of people they wanted there and it filled the guest list. I truly don't understand parents thinking their friends should be invited when there is no close relationship to the couple.

We gave our parents a limited number of guest to invite. We paid for 90% of the wedding my parents paid the remaining 10%. I knew all of my moms folks, including co-workers (she's worked at the same place my whole life so I know them all). My dad had one or two randoms who I met once or twice but were very generous givers. MIL had a full table of people DH didn't recognize but I let that be his problem since it didn't effect my invite list too much.

View Quoted Comment

That's my issue. My fiance and I had a total of about 150 guests (including the 4 my mother asked for) when we gave his parents the list. They wanted 79 more people invited. They said they would pay for their plates. We said absolutely not to 9, absolutely yes to 31, and told them to cut the remaining 40 in half. This list included her coworkers from a job she hasn't worked in 25 years! We're still fighting with them about it. I don't want that many strangers at my wedding, and I'd like to be able to look at the albums in 20 years and actually know who the vast majority of the people in the photos are.

Been married 20 years... married in my 40's so was not into the whole bridezilla hoopla. As my dad was 86, did not have a lot of friends left to invite LOL! More of an issue was kids of guests...we decided no kids, (other than the 4 in wedding party, BTW, wedding party consisted of best man, best woman (hate the matron/maid thing) and the kids). So if all the 140 guests brought their kids would be 200 guests, no go with that. Gave everyone 8 months notice, 'sorry no children'.....only one protested...she showed up last minute with 4 year old grand daughter. But we kept it to 'friends' and family, no co-workers. I suppose if my mom was still alive (at the time) she would have wanted to invite every person she ever met...May she RIP.

You give a party (which is what a wedding reception is); you invite the guests. (You also pay the bills.) I can't understand why other people feel entitled to invite their guests to your party.

As for their paying to be allowed to invite their choice of guests to your party--what are you? A business? A restaurant? It's your private party--or should be.

Don't show your proposed guest list to anyone. It's none of their business.And certainly don't ask them for "their list." That implies they have the right to invite people to your party and opens the door to trouble.

Of course, if other people are financing your wedding, they can pull any string they like.

I have never heard so many women sound so very spoiled. Whether you, or your parents are picking up the tab, the parents should ALWAYS be able to invite their closest friends. Weddings are about celebrations of life. Your parents should be your most prized possession. What a total brat you would be if you don’t allow them to invite their dearest friends or close business colleagues. If it’s about the money, just as if they would be interested in footing the cost allocated to their friends, but don’t just say “NO WAY”. Your remarks have me clutching my pearls!

Well We are footing the entire bill for the DW and I didn’t mind my FMIL inviting 2-3 couples but when she asked for 20 invitations my jaw dropped and I told my FH to speak to her to see who these invites were for. Thank God for her they turned out to be family that was on the list, his god parents and 4 of her closet friends who have been like family to him. I think it’s a respect thing not an obligation.