Am I missing something? Why do you let parents invite guests?

I thought most of the time, the people who are venting about this are doing it because their in laws (or parents) contributed to the wedding. I've rarely seen someone complaining about it who was paying for the whole thing themselves.

We let our in laws invite a couple of people who were their closest friends, and, in fact, I asked one of the daughters of their closest friends to be a junior bridesmaid because they were practically family to my husband and his parents. But they didn't get a significant portion of our guest list, no.

NO I don't think so. I wouldn't let that happen and don't understand those who do so when they are footing the bill.

We paid for our wedding, we sent both sets of parents copies of the guest list and asked if they had an requests. We didn't guarantee we could accommodate but we definitely gave them the option because they're our parents and we love them. My parents came back with maybe 3-4 couples, half of which were already on the list. His parents came back with their entire staffs (they each own their own business) on theirs. I wasn't thrilled but we were able to make it work because it was important to our parents.

We paid for most of the wedding and still let our parents invite guests. I didn't vent about it though, because they didn't invite anyone stupid. Who invites coworkers? Weird.

I'm also perplexed by this. My FMIL tried to sneakily do this right from the start and I quickly (but kindly) put an end to it. No pay, no say.

Yeah no. We love our parents but they don't need to invite their coworkers to our wedding. We're not hosting a networking event.

I don't get it either. We listed all the family and our friends we wanted to invite then told our parents they could invite 6 people each they wanted at the wedding and who in some way were apart of our lives, like their best friends.

If they are not paying you don't have to let them invite anyone. I think some couples do it as a nice gesture. I don't think they know their parents and/or in-laws will lose their minds and invite half the damn state.

I haven't planned my wedding yet (or even really started) but I can tell you we are most likely footing the entire bill, and on top of that, want a smaller, more intimate wedding than my parents are used to. There will be issues when it comes to the guest list. When my mom finds out we don't intend to invite her cousins/their children and my dad's cousins/their children (this would put us close to 200 people!) it's going to get ugly. I'm just prepared for that conversation and know that I have to be patient and explain to her that even though we've always been invited to their events, they are not going to be invited to this one.

I'm actually dreading this conversation and hoping she surprises me with understanding, but we'll see.

Because people dont know how to say no to their parents. if theyre not footing the bill, the word no needs to be said when push comes to shove, they'll get over it

We paid 100% of our wedding. Out of courtesy to our parents, we gave each side 8 (16 total) tickets. Only 10 tickets were used. It was nice to see my mom have her closest friends there, even though they weren't really my friends.

I know I've complained about my mom *wanting* to invite everybody even slightly related to us, but it doesn't mean I'm going to let her. My mom is devious enough to invite people anyway, and I've figured out ways around this, thanks in part to ideas people have helped me with on WW.

As for others, I completely agree with Uber's assessment. People don't know how to say No to their parents.

I asked my parents if I was missing anyone (relatives I may have overlooked) but thankfully that's all they have contributed. If I were having a wedding back in my home state, I think more guests may have been pushed on us by my mom, but we're 3k miles away from most people so I think I lucked out in having to say no too often.

Both sets of parents invited people that are very close to them. We knew all of them, and maybe we're not close to all of them, but we knew they have been supportive of my (or DH's) parents through hard times, so we didn't have a problem with them.

I think if we had decided to have a very small wedding (around 50 guests, for example) then we wouldn't have added those guests, but it made sense given the size of our guest list.

Luckily my parents have had the same close friends for years so they were already on my invite list. I've never been to a function without them and it would feel weird to not invite them. My mom asked to add 2 couples that I'm not as close with and I figured 4 people didn't make or break for us. My FMIL on the other hand, is friends with anyone and everyone BUT they're (very fortunately for us I may add) paying for the venue so she can invite who she wants I suppose.

Her inviting her friends did not stop us from inviting ours so it didn't matter much to me and she always made sure to ask if it was okay if she added these people to the list.

I think it's just people being polite when they ask their parents who they would like to invite. I really love the idea of giving each a number that would fit into your budget.

We paid for the wedding ourselves, We did get money from both parents, but they stated that was a gift and didn't have to be used towards the wedding, and could be saved for the house, a car, etc. We had all the money needed for the wedding in savings. So I don't know if that counts as us paying for it ourselves, or them helping. Without their monetary gifts, we would still have the same budget and have made same choices.

We let each parents invite their friends that we've never even met out of common courtesy. Even though I don't really like my family at all, I'm still polite to them. And it just seems like a nice thing to do to invite people. Most of them turned down the invite, which is what I expected. We weren't on a tight budget, per head was cheap, and we had to meet a minimum head count, anyways. So it was never a question to allow them to invite people they want. One of the ladies my mother invited is an older lady who my mom used to work with at the grocery store. She is in some sort of extended care housing due to cancer. She doesn't go anywhere, but my mother wanted to send her an invite. We did and we got a VERY sweet letter and decline. She wrote a full page, thanking us for thinking about her and how excited she was to hear that I was getting married. I've met her a handful of times and don't really remember her much. But she asked if we could send her a picture of just me and my mother from the wedding. So I made sure to ask the photographer to get that shot specifically for my mother's old coworker. If sending this lady a picture of us two brings a smile to her face for just a few minutes, why not? Some people just love the fact that you thought of them. And I'm sure it made my mother happy that I was inviting people she asked to be invited. But, we had a 200 adult minimum with the venue. Per head count was low. So adding in a couple extra people didn't matter much. Things would be different if it were a small wedding and we had a more strict budget.

I don't get it either.. Even if my parents paid, I wouldn't let them invite randoms. We paid for about 90% ourselves and our parents stayed out of the entire process. My mom was present for dress shopping and I asked for her input on things, but she knows that whatever I'm doing I'm going to do it my way. I'm really glad she has known and accepted that fact about me for a long time.

My family is crazy, but seeing some of the posts here makes me extra appreciative of my mom and stepdad.

My in-laws were not paying but offered to pay for the guests that they wanted. I still didn't want them there but H didn't want to fight about it so we invited them. I wasn't happy about it but hey, free gifts.

I think everything is circumstantial (budget, guest list #, etc)

I am allowing my mom and dad to invite their coworkers because they've been working in the same spot for over 20+ years, with the same small group of people. They've literally watched me grow, we've been invited to their children's weddings, baptisms, birthdays, etc.

Hmm, we asked both sets of parents for a list. My mother requested 3 couples plus two of her cousins and their families. DH's parents asked for 8 couples. In both cases we each grew up close to those our parents wanted to invite and for the most part had already put them on our list anyway.

For us, I think it was a combination of things. Both sets of parents helped out with things so we felt that they should be able to invite a few people. However, I think it was more so that we considered our parents' friends to be family friends and wanted them there. I suppose the final reason is that we wanted our parents to be able to share the event with their closest friends. Almost like a thank you. They each did so much for us growing up and in our early 20s that inviting a handful of their friends was the least we could do. If they had requested random neighbors we would have said no, but that was not the case. Since we paid for about 85% of the wedding ourselves everyone understood from day one that we would make the final descision regarding the guest list.