Alcohol at the reception

You should have alcohol. And you should pay, even if it is just beer. My brother cannot have alcohol due to having medication. He asked us not to serve alcohol due to this. I laughed and said "That is not how I am doing my wedding." He understood because he is an adult and his life decisions are his to make.

@Terri

My golden rule is following Emily Post for most etiquette:

http://beta.emilypost.com/2016/03/cash-bar-code-what-is-the-proper-etiquette-regarding-a-cash-bar/

If you want others

https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/a-refresher-on-wedding-etiquette-from-tricky-plus-one-scenarios-to-cash-bars/2017/05/25/f5f7d974-3f1e-11e7-9869-bac8b446820a_story.html?utm_term=.60c8b7d3cd7d

https://www.theknot.com/content/is-a-cash-bar-acceptable

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/sandy-malone/a-guide-to-wedding-bar-et_b_6181930.html

There you go.

Its about the guests because you are throwing a party. If you threw a party at home, your guests would be important. Just because it is a larger party doesn't mean it isn't a party. You still need to treat your guests great.

I'm not as down on cash bars as others here. I didn't have one but I've been to weddings with one and it didn't ruin the night for me. However, and I'm sure this had been mentioned, having a cash bar because you're afraid someone will drink is just ludacris. Bars are profitable because people like booze and having to pay for it isn't going to stop anyone. I've never gone out for a glass of wine and changed my mind because it costs money. If someone is an alcoholic (and not in recovery) then sadly they will drink at your wedding unless you don't invite them. Having a cash bar does nothing to deter them. A dry wedding won't stop them either. They'll just sneak it in.

You can always do the limited alcohol thing. Maybe even just enough for a toast or 2 glasses.

I don't understand the total freak out on dry weddings and everyone saying they'd leave, because to me, that's the rude and pathetic part. I don't know if it's my area or what, but I've been to several weddings and yet to go to one with a bar. I don't drink, my family doesn't drink, my fiance likes trying draft beers but rarely drinks. It'll be okay. If someone can't handle a get together because they can't drink there, that's their issue. You are still hosting and you can do a good job of that without alcohol.

Do people think that alcoholics don't have money? How would a cash bar keep them from drinking?

I think you need to do an open bar or no bar. It's rude to the guests who don't have a drinking problem to be required to pay for their drinks.

The judgment is not coming from here. The etiquette advice is coming from here.

The judgment is coming from a mindset that certain guests have alcohol problems (which we have no idea is even a fact) so the OP (and others ) think it's acceptable to police them and punish everyone else. In a way that has never been proven to work. The only way to "police the' is to not invite them.

Kids have nothing to do with this either. Kids are in restaurants and bars with alcohol all the time.

I have literally been to one cash bar in all my years of doing this. The guests were confused and horrified. The comments ranged from surprised to downright angry.

Adults have the right to expect a glass of wine or three over the course of a night, even if there are only two people in the group who drink.

This has been discussed ad nauseum here, although this week was kinda light on dry weddings and cash bars. The results are always the same and ironically they tie into Terri's post about why receptions should be guest oriented.

Because if they're not, there is no reason to have them. Simple, eh? If you resent your guests (or some of them) enough to deny them decent, professionally made food, a chair (NOT a hay bale) heat/AC, a glass of wine or two and a piece of actual cake, then just don't invite them. You can have a beautiful, well hosted wedding for 20 at a third of the price or less and you'll be just as married at the end of it.

@Tanner - it is not a judging thing over cash/open bar. It is was: "I wish we could get them help but they have to want it and they don't." It is not your position nor your job to get them help. Your wedding and reception should be a celebration of love, not a possible intervention for problem drinkers nor worrying about others. To seemingly punish others who can drink responsibly is unwise and unfair.

I'd have a dry wedding personally. It YOUR day - do what you YOU want.

I think it would be better to have an open bar, even if it's a limited open bar, and hire a few good bartenders. Instruct them to cut people off if they are intoxicated.

People complain about cash bars all the time. It's the biggest complaint I've ever heard about a wedding.

And I agree with PPs that cash bar will not stop an alcoholic from drinking. They didn't become an alcoholic for free.

ETA: typo

Have the open bar for your guests. The bartender will monitor guests & cut off if necessary.

Those with a problem will A.Drink free. B. Drink and pay. C. Have alcohol with them.

Properly host your guests. There's no reason not to. You can't keep anyone from drinking. Cash bars & dry weddings do not solve the problem of drinking.

Not hosting properly only reflects on you. You can't blame alcohol problems or those guests for you being a bad host.

Judgement?? The only judgement I see is from the people who are too cheap to "fund their alcoholic guests habits."

key word: CHEAP.

Cash bars will not slow anyone down. Your licensed bartender should know how much and when to stop serving.

Am doing cash bar after my cocktail hour who cares it's your wedding you host it how you want

For the record - I prefer a open bar vs. a cash bar. In my opinion it would be rude of me to expect my guests to pay. That being said my mother was a recovering alcoholic, and were she still living I would have a dry wedding so as not to risk her sobriety. However I would also have it very early in the day perhaps brunch style where hard booze would not typically be expected to be served.

Cash bar after cocktail hour is not confusing at all. How is this any different from a night of clubbing? Drinking and dancing? No big deal.

WW is a "country club" culture. This "poor hosting" is what the majority of this group preaches. I use the word "country club" because it connotes a location where the booze is flowing.

This whole concept of the licensed bartender? eh, maybe. OP is your concern that your family members will get ugly when they drink too much?

I've been to all sorts of weddings. There were only one time when I was surprised by my perceived chintziness of the hosts, who were affluent parents. I've since learned that alcohol and entertaining are not their thing. It didn't really matter. I was thrilled to be invited to the wedding and had a long drive back to boot! So, hey, maybe they weren't being cheap after all by including me.

Alcohol may be a part of the vast majority of posters here, but it is not a part of everyone's culture. I belong to a big dance community and alcohol is not a part of that.

I'm mostly following these threads because I'm invited to an upcoming wedding without booze. I likened it to a high school prom. We will see how it all turns out.

For me, the height of luxury as a guest would be for the bartender to have a couple bottles of non-alcoholic wine (not the fizzy grape juice kind that you get at Rite-Aid haha) stashed behind the bar for people that can't drink anymore due to medications (me) or other reasons. But alas, that doesn't seem to cross people's minds. There is a market being developed for these wines, so maybe they will become more well-known and considered in the future. I know that I would be thrilled to have a celebratory glass of wine along with the other guests instead of looking on enviously. =)

@Terri Yes you did. You posted. Hide it and posted a new thread about it.