aita

Not sure your fiancé’s relationship with his dad and or his gf. But I could only imagine it being acceptable to add +1 for your fiancé’s dad. If it’s coming down to cost and they are close maybe his dad will offer to pay for his gf spot. Good luck with everything.

So you’d rather have your parents pay for an event that you don’t feel is yours and will *definitely* cause drama with friends and family due to their guest list choices than just elope or wait and pay for a smaller wedding yourselves? You’re saying you don’t have any choice or say in it but you 100% do.

Significant others are an automatic invite as a social unit and are not plus ones.


If you need to cut people, go with coworkers and other people who are not as important.

What about long term couples who choose to not get married? Are you excluding their partners as well?


I don’t think there is a solution here that you are looking for without offending your guests. If you don’t want the wedding your parents are paying for you can also elope or wait until you can afford the wedding you want.

I feel this would be very rude to not invite her. And honestly if it were my parents funding it with these strict guidelines I wouldnt do it. I would elope in this case. This is supposed to be your day…not theirs. They already had theirs. I agree with a lot of the others. You’ll have to deal with the consequences and hurt feelings and chances of people or showing up because their so wasn’t allowed.

View Quoted Comment I think this is a great and better idea

If I was invited to a wedding and my partner wasn’t I wouldn’t attend. I understand you can only have 40 guest but if that is the case you have to prioritize parents and their partners. This is not his friend form high school that he hasn’t talked to in months. It’s his father and his partner.

View Quoted Comment Our wedding isn’t even big enough for coworkers… I barely am able to invite half my closest friends let alone coworkers

View Quoted Comment There are no long term couples in our list who aren’t engaged or married so that’s not an issue

View Quoted Comment Yes it’s his father. With a woman who he cheated on his wife (my fiancé’s mother) with.

View Quoted Comment Wait to pay for a smaller wedding? Can it get smaller than 40? If that’s the case, and we throw something even smaller, there definitely won’t be space for any S/O at that point. It’s already a tight squeeze at the size it’s at now…

I don't think you're wrong, simply have your fiancé let him know that it's not in the budget & you can't afford extra plus ones. Just be prepared for him to possibly not show. This actually happened to me before for a birthday dinner for my husbands grandmother. My husbands dad told him "just family and they "couldn't afford to pay for me" (even though they most definitely could afford it, but we had only been dating a few months) my husband simply told them to add an extra seat for me & he will pay himself or he wasn't coming. Obviously we didn't agree with it, but we went & he paid for me 🤷🏾‍♀️

View Quoted Comment His father has been with his girlfriend a year - that’s a long term couple.

Here are your options.

1) YTA. Continue to be TA and risk screwing up your relationship with your father or his girlfriend.

2) Trim your guest list so that every single guest in a committed relationship gets the option of bringing their SO, not just people who are engaged or married.

3) Chip in for your own wedding so you can have some control over it and utilize a larger venue.

The fact that you are claiming you have zero control in this situation is a pathetic, horrible excuse for invalidating the romantic relationships for those you consider your nearest and dearest. Your parents are paying for your wedding and you are not going to allow them - the people paying for YOUR day - to bring their SOs. Say that over and over again and try to convince yourself you are NTA.

OP, it’s not a great a great start to a marriage to have your parents be in 100% control of your wedding. I’d elope or have the wedding you and your fiancé can afford yourselves—even consider hosting something simple at your new home. I’d much rather do that and include everyone who should be included than have a country club wedding planned by my parents.

View Quoted Comment

I had 32 guests when I married my ex-husband, and 0 guests when I married the second time. So yes, it can get smaller than 40. You needed to invite guests based on their relationship status, and prioritize who to invite until you reach 40. You shouldn't separate couples with the excuse that only 40 can attend.

First off- what does your fiancé think about all of this?? Does he want his dad at the wedding, does he think his dad would come without his girlfriend or understand not getting an invitation with her included??


I don’t necessarily agree in not giving invites to both persons in long term relationships but I think that choice is more understandable than leaving a parents significant other out. I think you can probably come up with one guest to not invite in order to accommodate the girlfriend. That is the right thing to do but you have to make that choice with your fiancé and live with it.
I also agree with others that chances are you will get some declined RSVP’s, so I wouldn’t stress too much if it means inviting 41 guests instead of 40. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment I had 14 guests. The only people who NEED to be there are you, your spouse and an officiant (some places you don’t even need this).

View Quoted Comment He said his dad would be bummed if she didn’t come but that would not in any way change his attendance. He said he would be there regardless. On my half of the list (even if this sounds bad) I’m not willing to give up any of my people. The people on my half are people I have known for 10+ years. I’m not going to take someone like that off my list for someone I barely know. On his side of the list, he seems to feel the same. Doesn’t want to kick anyone off for her.

View Quoted Comment Woah woah WOAH. You clearly did not read what I said. The people paying for this are MY parents who are happily married with no extra relationships to bring. My fiancé’s dad is the one with a girlfriend and he is not contributing one single cent to the marriage, ceremony, or anything leading up to it. Who has been married 3 times now. All other ex-wives have been invited because they have been in my fiancé’s life for many years. We are simply in position where we cannot accommodate ANOTHER one of this S/O. And who knows. With his track record, she won’t even be here in a year. We are also VERY uncomfortable with the fact that he cheated on his previous wife (who we are both near and dear to and is a second mom to my fiancé and myself). She will be at the wedding and we don’t want his inappropriate PDA (which he’s been kicked out of many places for) to make her, my fiancé, or my fiancé’s 13 year old brother uncomfortable.