A
March 2022

aita

Anonymous, on July 9, 2021 at 5:28 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 96
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Am I wrong for not wanting to invite my fiancé’s dad’s gf to our wedding? We are a VERY tight guest list (my parents are paying, only allowed 40 total including family). He started dating her a year ago and I’m worried if I allow him a +1 I would have to do the same for the rest of the people with gf/bf. We are only allowed +1 if the guest is married or engaged. Otherwise we will be WAY over our allotted number of guests! Help!

96 Comments

Latest activity by Melissa, on July 19, 2021 at 4:23 PM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    Yes, you’re in the wrong here. Significant others should be invited in general, but especially a long term SO of a parent. Are you and your FS prepared for their dad to not attend if his SO isn’t invited?
    • Reply
  • Viviana
    Dedicated October 2022
    Viviana ·
    • Flag

    Because it's your fiances dad's gf, I think yes, you have to invite her.

    I totally understand you tho - I'm in the same boat (with giving people +1's) - but, because she's technically immediate family, she should be invited.

    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    Significant others are not "plus 1s" so your rule doesn't make any sense. But even beyond that, you are risking damaging your relationship with your future father-in-law over an arbitrary rule. I would rethink your plans. If you can't afford to invite one extra person, then cut something from your budget until you can afford to host her.

    • Reply
  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
    • Flag
    Yes, you are in the wrong here. Dad’s girlfriend should absolutely be invited, as should be anyone else in a committed relationship,
    • Reply
  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
    • Flag
    Honestly, anyone in a relationship should be invited but especially when it’s a parent’s significant other. It’s rude not to.
    • Reply
  • S
    Expert December 2021
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    Yes, you're obligated to invite her.
    • Reply
  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    Couples are considered a social unit and should be invited as a pair. Not inviting the SO of the bride/groom's parent would be beyond rude.

    We had 47 guests at our wedding. You have ample room to include your closest family/friends AND their SOs with 40 slots. That is 20 couples, 10 guests of honor for each of you. More than enough for an intimate wedding.

    • Reply
  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool Online ·
    • Flag
    Your fiancé’s dads girlfriend of a year is not a plus one. Couples are a social unit. Host the event you can afford with all couples or cut your guest list.
    • Reply
  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
    • Flag

    Oh boy. You're in the wrong in more ways than one. You SHOULD be inviting all of the boyfriends and girlfriends of your guests, including but not limited to your FI's dad's gf. Sounds like you need to cut your guest list.

    • Reply
  • A
    March 2022
    Anonymous ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    It’s not my budget. It’s my parents dictating # of people based on what the venue allows. The cap is 40 due to fire regulations.
    • Reply
  • A
    March 2022
    Anonymous ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    It’s not the budget. It’s the number of people my venue allows! And the venue was chosen by my parents who are paying for the entire wedding.
    • Reply
  • A
    March 2022
    Anonymous ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    There’s no way to include all bf/gfs. Not with a mandated guest limit of 40. I’m only having 10 friends (4 of which are bridesmaids) and leaving out many people I would love to have present. I don’t want to cut out anymore friends.
    • Reply
  • A
    March 2022
    Anonymous ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    It’s not what I can afford. Not my money paying (my parents are paying, making all decisions). And venue has limited us to 40 people.
    • Reply
  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool Online ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Well what do you do if/when people decline their invite because they don’t want to attend without their SO?
    • Reply
  • A
    March 2022
    Anonymous ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I mean that’s their decision I guess. My hands are tied unfortunately. Begged my parents to allow additional headcount and the answer is a resounding no. But like I said… those who are married or engaged will be extended invites for both. It’s just bf/gf situations (which come and go) are not because if we make exception for one, we make exception for the rest. And honestly headcount aside, his mom will be there. And his dad cheated on her with this woman. So headcount aside, this woman makes his mom uncomfortable as well.
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    You asked a question and got a unanimous answer, but it sounds like you have no intention of changing your mind anyway so just be prepared that his dad might not come and it could damage whatever relationship he has with his dad going forward.
    • Reply
  • G
    Savvy April 2022
    Gc ·
    • Flag
    This is wrong and rude. Significant others are not plus ones, they are a couple and should receive an invite together. It is rude to only invite one half of a couple. Plus ones are for single guests that are not in a relationship. That is not the same thing.
    • Reply
  • A
    March 2022
    Anonymous ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    It’s clear how everyone feels about it. But any suggestions or solutions when this is out of my control? As I stated I DO NOT have the ability to add more people. I DO NOT have the ability to accommodate bf/gf for all others on the list. Not my money to fund the wedding (my parents). Not my Venue (their country club). I’m not even planning my own wedding (they are in full control).


    My question would be how to explain this to him so he understands because this is out of my control and not my choice.
    • Reply
  • G
    Savvy April 2022
    Gc ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    If this was my situation, I’d feel that it’s my wedding and therefore my thing to do right by, even if it felt out of my control. You and your fiancé should pay for his girlfriend yourselves to allow her to be included and to do the right thing. There are also definitely other ways to fix this situation, including what I just mentioned, as well as speaking to your parents, as well as considering that not every SINGLE one of your guests will RSVP yes and that she will just be filling a spot that already existed anyway. Ultimately it IS your wedding even if you don’t think you have much control, and in the end you’ll be the one that looks rude in this situation.
    • Reply
  • A
    March 2022
    Anonymous ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Yes if someone can’t make it we would absolutely fill her into the spot (I doubt that would happen but if it did 100%). I’ve tried to ask my parents to fund additional headcount myself and that was a big fat no. It’s a take it or leave it situation with them. Either do it exactly how they want it, or tough cookies they won’t fund it. We have talked endlessly about just doing it ourselves but financially it’s a HUGE stretch for us right now (we bought a house right before getting engaged so cash is very very tight). We also thought about eloping but that doesn’t really solve the problem either cause then no one can go and his family especially would be very sad if they couldn’t attend.
    • Reply

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