Age differences?

My husband and I are 30 years apart, but I was 28 when we started dating, and I had just turned 37 when we got married. We knew what we wanted.

If you are 18, I think you should stick to people your own age.

Why do you give a shit what anyone thinks? Letting others affect you or caring about others judgments is a sign of immaturity, IMO. And immature people should not get married. I don't see what a 38 or 48 year old wants with an 18 year old besides sex. There is literally no life experiences they'd have in common because the 18 yo has not experienced real life. I don't judge people because of it because it isn't my life and I don't care.

I also don't think someone who married someone 30 years their senior should tell anyone to stick to someone their own age. I think 18 is too young to get married in general, no matter if it's to someone 20 yrs older or 20 days older than they are.

I mean first thing I think is why would somebody that old want to be with somebody so young ... what's wrong with the older person .. 18 is so immature ... I got married (first time at 19 ) to my ex who was 23 att. After a few years we just didint like each other.. and if somebody is say 30 years older .. they will almost be 50 .. when your 28 they will be almost 60 ... if you so have kids at say 28 what if they die .. when they are almost 70 .. my head hurts to think somebody would willingly want to sabatoge their youth.. and there potential children's like that ... can it work sure ... but it's odd ..

My FH is 16 years older & it has caused problems for us...especially socially.

I tend to agree with Stephanie on this. If the age gap is so large you have nothing in common, and are in two different places in life how will that work?

When I was 18 I tried to date a 28 year old. My dad was furious, and asked me this question: "What could an 28 year old and an 18 year old have in common. What does he want with an 18 year old, you're barely legal. Doesn't that bother you? Doesn't that make you question why he likes someone so young?"

It drove the point home for me.

Amanda also has a really good point.. what about kids?? That large of an age gap may mean no children.

@OP, does this topic fit your situation? I'm confused why you're even asking it, unless you're talking about yourself.

People judge when an 18-year-old marries a 40- or 50-year-old because it's presumed that the 18-year-old doesn't really know what he or she is doing and that the older party is taking advantage of that fact. And if you're 18, you probably DON'T know what you're doing. I was an incredibly mature 18-year-old, and I thought I knew everything. Now that I'm nearly twice that age, I realize just how ignorant I was.

For the record, I'll be 35 in two weeks, and my fiance is 48. Our relationship works for 2 reasons: 1) We were raised very similarly, have similar beliefs, want complementary things in a partner, etc., and 2) We were both old enough and had lived enough life by the time we met each other that we were very sure of who we were as individuals and what we wanted for our own lives, independent of another person. Knowing those things about ourselves allowed us to see that what we each wanted for ourselves was in-sync enough that we could have all of that in addition to our life together as a married couple. I just can't see how it's possible for an 18-year-old to be that self-aware. Of course you can still make it work, but would it be easier if you were older and more experienced and more sure of who you are and what you want from your life?

One of my best friends is 36 and her wife is 65. I don't know two people happier. People do talk but shouldn't matter to the two of you if you are happy.

Didn't you just post something about age earlier this morning?

I personally think that age is just a number and love is love. But I do question the depth of love between partners with significant age gaps. (Not my place and I keep it to myself but it's there in my head.) For me, someone who is 20 years older than I am isn't going to listen to the same music, have the same experiences, know the same references, probably won't like the same movies, probably won't enjoy the same activities I do, etc. I feel there wouldn't be anything to establish a true connection upon. And if they do like the same things as I, I would forever be questioning why they did. Why they weren't into things more appropriate for their age. When they would decide they were tired of pretending to be younger than they are and want to be with someone more on their level. What they were running from in their own life to make them seek out someone so different. I would also question the younger partner's motives. Is it about the money? Why do they want to be with someone who doesn't like any of the same things? When will they get bored of it and look for someone more their age?

Additionally, I would think about the idea that someone 20 or 30 years older than me was a full adult when I wasn't even born. I would think about the idea of them holding me as a baby or playing with me at 5 years old while they were an adult. Had already had so many experiences. Their first kiss, first love, high school, college, a job, seen the world, maybe kids of their own. I would never be able to get that out of my head. It would always be inappropriate and creepy in the back of my mind.

Then you get to the point that they will probably pass while you have much more life to live. Possibly while your kids are still young (depending on when you got together). Then you may be still in great health or at a point in life where you still have lots you want and need to do. But are either permanently alone or must face the idea of a new partner. Plus you may have just lost 10 or more years of your life taking care of someone who might not have been able to enjoy much of life with you.

Those are the reasons I think many people judge or stress out about people they know or see in age gap relationships. I think that's a whole lot to overcome in a relationship when even 'normal' relationships can be super hard. If you can make it work then I applaud you and your strength of love and mind. I just know it wouldn't be something I could do or be happy with.

"Anyway choosing to marry someone who is 20 to 30 years older than you is odd... to say the least."

I married someone 14 years older than me. Why would 6 additional years make it odd? Love is love. Stop judging.

If a 38 year old started dating an 18 year old, I would have a lot of questions about the relationship in general, and some really legitimate concerns. Maybe these people that you think are "judging you" are really just trying to look out for you and help you see the relationship from their perspective. It has nothing to do with the age gap, but everything to do with the maturity and life experience gap.

For what it's worth, my FH is 37 and I am 24 (13 year difference). Several people in my life, including my parents, were hesitant to accept it, but I listened to their concerns and advice, we talked about the issues as a couple, and going forward now, nobody questions our relationship.

I have a friend who married a man 20 years older than her, and according to her that marriage is essentially dead. But it all depends on the couple.

Age is just a number, truly. My grandmother is turning 88 this year, and if you looked at her, watched her move about and listened to what came out of her mouth, I doubt you'd think higher than early 70's.

There will always be a "social convention", what is considered "appropriate" by society, etc. People are people, they will always judge, and there will probably always be something about your relationship that someone won't approve of.

I know some hella mature 18 year olds. I know some people twice or three times my age who are horribly immature. Maturity does not come with age, it comes with experience, and there are some people south of 20 who have seen and experienced far more than those of us a bit further north.

My opinion is pretty simple: Do what you want, do what makes you happy, realize there will always be consequences for EVERYTHING you do...and in this particular case, please do consider that one of you will likely reach a point where you will need to become a caretaker. That's tough in the best of circumstances, and I don't think many folks consider that when they partner with someone of significant difference age.

@windowschick your friends parents could have also been in a car accident that physically crippled one. In sickness and in health. This is why you take vows and why you shouldn't take your vows lightly.

It's not the age gap that bothers me about your post, it's the thought of an 18 year old getting married, period. I got married right out of high school & just want to tell you my experience with that. Both my ex & I changed, drastically, between the ages of 18-25. We were divorced by the time I turned 24. I would never recommend anyone get married that young. I think it's important to figure out who you want to be & what you're going to do with your life, first. However, my mom was 17 when she married my Dad & they're still happily married today.

My parents were 17 years apart. Married 29 years before my father passed. My mom wore his wedding ring every day until she passed in June. Sorry that sounds really sad but my parents had an amazing relationship and now they are back together.

If the argument starts with "adult basically", then you've lost. At 18, you're not an adult. Legally, yes, mentally, I doubt it. If an 18 yo is dating a 50 year old, it's probably not love. Even if an 18 yo is dating a 40 yo, there might be a little something other than love involved. Now if you were 30 dating someone older, you're obviously more mature. I'm not saying it can't work, but I have to admit, I'd be giving some side eye.

Age gape doesn't bother me, it's being 18.

After both parties are 21/22, I stop caring. (I went on a date with a guy 15 years older than me when I was 20, that was my personal limit). My sister's best friend is dating a guy who is 33 at 18 and it creeps me out. But the main thing is just this "Why is this 33-year-old with an 18 year old?" And the answer is that he's a man-child. The type who hasn't mentally progressed past age 18. It's still creepy though. This is totally an American thing, but after both can legally drink it feels like there is no problem with age differences because it's not like there is anything they couldn't choose to do together.

On the other hand, my FSIL's boyfriend is more than a decade older than her. (Though he strangely looks like he's younger than her). It's a bit strange at times because this means there is a huge gap (like 16/17 years) between me as FH's partner and him as FSIL's partner with the two siblings in the middle at an age gap with me that is still a little big for things like cultural references and trends (3 years for FH, FSIL is two years older than him).

FH has 7 years on me. The only weird part is when we listen to a song or do something that makes one of us think of a certain time, and then we realize how much of a difference we've had!