Advice on Holiday Drama

Real talk: "Because of COVID restrictions and risks, we will not be coming to Thanksgiving this year. We miss you and will see you next year."

Drama avoided!

Otherwise, honestly? Choose if you want to aggressively change the subject, *constantly*, or if you want to call out the nonsense *constantly*.

Personally, I'd just skip.

I'm of the belief that when entering someone's home voluntarily, you respect their views. If something disrespectful is said you excuse yourself and leave. No need to cause drama. Your Fiance should bite his tongue (no need to agree, selective hearing works well) and if that's not possible, I agree with Rebecca, don't attend.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. When you're in someone's home, the ball is in the homeowner's court.

We have a no politics rule at our family gatherings bc of this. But everyone has to agree beforehand so it works and understand some people will leave if they don’t comply. I personally think its cool for those who want to talk politics to do so respectfully away from the group. Like some of us will go to the deck or the family room or take a walk. I’ve reached the point in today’s climate that I won’t stay silent and will at least say “agree to disagree.” Good luck, it’s sad the impact politics has on families.

I literally posted something similar to this! Except it was about my marriage..my hubby and I have different political views. His family is Republican and I'm democratic. So for me, when it becomes too much we leave because itll turn disrespectful quickly when his family starts because they have no filter. I ignore the first few comments but then we leave because I didnt come to a holiday dinner to have a debate.

Some great points brought up here. Everyone has a right to their own opinion. Anyway you can have a conversation with them before hand? “We would love to come over for thanksgiving dinner but when the topic of politics is brought up, it seems to cause an argument. Can we agree that topic is off limits so we can enjoy our family time?”

On how to avoid the drama of politics talk, don’t show or don’t engage. But since not showing won’t always be practical, not engaging is your best bet. If the politics talk arises, your FH doesn’t have to agree to anything he doesn’t believe in, but he should respectfully state he’s not won’t be participating in that discussion (as should you, out of respect for your fiancé who you know will probably disagree with your father).

If this is the case then everyone needs to agree not to talk about politics. It doesn't matter whose house it is and I don't agree with the ball is in the homeowners court at all. If they want to discuss politics KNOWING that there are differences, then it doesn't matter whose home it is, everyone has a right to their opinion. For me personally, if someone is constantly saying something that I don't agree with then I will respectfully state my opinion. If it can't be respectful, then the discussion is over.

There have been a lot of heated political arguments in my family, especially as of late. Now that covid has spiked again, I have told my family will not be attending for safety reasons. Done. Argument avoided.

View Quoted Comment Completely agree girl!

Why are they even bringing up politics anyways. I was always taught you never talk about politics or religion because those are 2 if the biggest argument starters. I'd sit down with you family and tell them that you don't want to listen to their political beliefs and views. Tell them it's not a good topic to be bringing up at a family event. It's not right to let your family push their beliefs down everyone's throat while telling your fiance he needs to stay silent and just agree with them just for the peace.

View Quoted Comment I also agree. That's saying that the homeowner is able to do what they want and say what they want all because it's their home, when no if you choose to entertain you need to respect everyone regardless. They should not be bringing up topics that are sensitive especially when they know people have different opinions. It seems to me like your step dad is just one of them a$$holes no offense who likes to poke at the lion again no offense.

Talk to everyone before hand and put a rule in place that there is no political talk at the table. It’s a place for connection and thankfulness. Not debating and confrontation

View Quoted Comment

Yes exactly!

My family isn’t doing an in-person Thanksgiving but we ARE doing a Zoom, so I’m still a smidge worried about this myself! My family isn’t usually too bad but things do come up.


I’m by far the most liberal in my family & to be honest I know I won’t change anyone’s mind. So I usually say something like “There’s no point in us discussing this since neither of us will change our minds on it” or “I disagree but I appreciate hearing your thoughts.” I do try to correct anything completely false because I think that’s harmful, but I try not to call people out directly if that happens, or try to just say I read something different.
I don’t like saying “agree to disagree” because I *don’t* agree to do that, & I don’t like using the word “opinion” because sometimes what’s being said isn’t an opinion at all. But it doesn’t mean I don’t have respect & love for my family. And hearing other viewpoints is useful.
I think that most people who like to argue about politics like just that—arguing about politics. I think you need to speak to your FH about not rising to any bait, & maybe point out that no ones minds will be changed through anger.

I would talk to your mom about your concern. There is no reason your step-dad needs to bring up politics on Thanksgiving. If he refuses to avoid the subject, then I would politely decline to attend. It isn't right that he would force a conversation that could very easily turn ugly especially if he knows your fiancé doesn't agree. However, I also think your fiancé could be mature and just accept that your step-dad's views are different and not engage with him.

I would say just have a no politics rule.

Personally, I couldn't bite my tongue if a political conversation went down an anti-human, anti-equity, anti-science path and unfortunately that what politics have devolved to in this country. I would prefer to be disowned by my own family or my husband's family before not calling someone out for supporting views that are based on lies or are racist, homophobic, anti-woman, etc. People are still worthy of human rights and dignity no matter whose house I'm in. So either avoid the situation completely or have a no politics rule if you want to have drama free holidays.

Honestly if your step-dad insists on bringing up politics he deserves every opinion coming to him. Holidays should be about being together, not who you voted for, and if it is known that there are different opinions at the table isn't it best to just focus on something else for the time being?

View Quoted Comment I agree it is rude to bring up uncomfortable topics whilst entertaining. The point is that you (the guest) can either decide not to engage by ignoring the conversation or by leaving. I would no longer accept invitations to peoples homes (including family) if they consistently bring up argumentative topics I don't care to engage in.

View Quoted Comment Ok so let's change up that sensitive topic from politics to let's say religion, race, abortion , or who people choose to love, would it still be ok for the homeowner to spew their beliefs on to their guests. The answer is absolutely not. If you decided to entertain guests at your house then you need to realize that there are some topics you just shouldn't discuss. Heck if you are a decent human being you shouldn't be bringing up sensitive topics especially when you know there are people there that don't share the same views.

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