Advice for Kid-free wedding

No, most people aren’t understanding when you invite some family kids and not others. It’s an all or nothing kind of thing. I agree that children in the wedding are the exception.

Most reasonable people won't be offended if you have a no-kid wedding. That's what we'rve decided on aside from my two nieces who are our flower girls. But like Caytlyn said, if you invite some kids and not others, that's where people get upset. If you said all family kids and no friend kids, that would be different. But picking and choosing family kids is definitely going to cause some tension. I think your best option considering your situation with being close to a lot of kids on one side of the family is just inviting all kids. Ultimately it is your decision because it is your wedding, but I wouldn't expect people to be very understanding of the "pick and choose" option.

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I was thinking the rule would be "children of immediate family and family coming from abroad".

Does that make sense?

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It does make sense, but I think it will still ruffle people's feathers. I totally understand where you're coming from, but I also know how people are lol. Since you're making an exception for this one cousin who lives overseas and not inviting other cousins kids, it might be best to try and find a way to wiggle them into the wedding party somehow to avoid the appearance of "playing favorites". How old are those two children?

You could possibly make them little ushers and have them escort guests to seats!

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The boy is 3 and the girl is around 6 I think, maybe older

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I'm afraid the little boy is too young for that (he's 3). I would definitely make the girl the flower girl but I'm worried that my cousin whom I'm a little closer with would get offended. I think it'd be best if I just have an honest conversation with her and explain the situation.

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I would honestly just have two ring bearers and two flower girls!

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That's a great idea except that the cousin whom I'm closer with also has a son who is very, very loud and not very well behaved. So if I include her daughter, her son will come as well. Which isn't the end of the world; he is a sweet kid.

I also forgot to mention that the wedding is late: 7-11:30pm

I think the kids you're inviting are fine - immediate family kids and kids from abroad. It makes sense and anyone who has an issue with that is ridiculous.

I definitely don't think you need to explain to anyone why certain kids are invited and not others though - that just makes people feel worse and opens doors for whining and conversations of other exceptions.. If you just list who is invited on the invitations by name, and dont' splash ADULTS ONLY or whatever all over the place, people will be fine. If anyone tries to RSVP for uninvited guests (including kids) politely respond that the invitation was only for X and Y and you hope they can still make it!!

Seriously, if you dont' make a big deal about it, other people will not either.

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This is great advice! Thank you!

Most RSVPs will be done online via the website, so they'll only have the option to RSVP for themselves

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Oh that's perfect that they won't even be able to RSVP for someone who is not specifically listed!

Again, I would just avoid using the "adults only" or "no kids/kid free" etc anywhere on your website or materials. That in itself can rub people the wrong way, especially if they then see kids at the wedding. Just invite the people you want to and leave it at that Good luck!

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Oh good point 3 is a little young

People tend to get hurt if they see other people's children being invited. You can make up any role you'd like for each of the kids so they have a place in the wedding party. This is much more accepted

Anytime you exclude a child the family will likely have some type of feeling, that did not stop me from planning a child-free wedding. Honestly, our guests were happy to enjoy a night out without the kids and the ones with small kids who'd need sitters knew far in advance that this would the situation. My venue was completely surrounded by these gorgeous terraces and stairs, the last thing I wanted was for a kid to fall while playing outside and hurt themselves with the concrete steps or fall over the railing of the terrace down a mountain side. Yes, it is the parents responsibility to watch their kids but that doesn't always happen and I was taking no chances plus I wanted to enjoy myself too and not have to worry about anything period. It is possible and worth it!

We're having a no kid wedding except for our two ring bearers and one flower girl. Why not have more than one ring bearer and flower girl if you want to include them? Just make it known on the invite. Only address it to the parents and not the family

Generally people are not very understanding but it’s your wedding and you guys should do what you want. That being said, I do think it is rude and unfair to have exceptions if they are not in the wedding party. We are doing a kids-free wedding aside from our siblings so that is our rule and we won’t be making any exceptions

Generally you invite all or none with the exception of those actually in the wedding. Guests aren't normally understanding if you tell them their kids can't come, but others can.