Advice for a groomsman +1 situation

View Quoted Comment I have to agree with this.
Since he RSVPd alone, this isn't your issue.
If they've been dating for a month and he's in love with her, maybe they'll already be divorced by the time your wedding rolls around in a couple months.

She can still come to Tuscany but does her own thing during the wedding. Spa night, movie in or whatever. Same as if you tagged along on a SO business trip. You can’t expect to go to every event they go to.

View Quoted Comment This! Perfect way to proceed in my opinion.

Tell him you asked for an RSVP earlier but because he only wrote himself you can only allow himself to the wedding. If she wants to come and relax in their hotel room or whatever for the day that's fine but she cannot come to the wedding.
Honestly I don't understand everyone's issue here. He had the option for a +1 and didn't RSVP for it. That's all on him. You're at capacity there's literally no more room for this mystery woman. You can't do anything about it. If he doesn't like it he doesn't have to come.

View Quoted Comment This is perfect IMO too.

This was your bad on a couple fronts. First, you sent invites too early. I had a DW as well so I don't buy the whole "we had to send them early cause people have to travel". That's what STDs are for. Secondly, you decided to B-list and put yourself in a situation where the A-list people had to RSVP wayyy too early and therefore their situations were likely to change. This is a reason why B-listing is frowned upon (as well as being rude in general). Lastly, you left yourself with zero wiggle room to the point where you can't accommodate a completely fair and reasonable request from one of your VIPs.

That being said, being that you cannot accommodate, I'd tell them that your sorry and you don't have room and that you understand if he no longer wants to attend. I wouldn't travel across the world without my significant other...

It's really an unfortunate situation, and I'm sorry you're in this pickle. A lot of things from the beginning could have been executed in a different way, but I'm not really here to judge that. You and your FH know best for your plans. You simply cannot accommodate anymore people because that's the venue's rules. Not your fault at all. I truly wish you the very best, and I hope the groomsman will still understand. If his girlfriend has indeed made arrangements to go, let her go but stay in a hotel or something... at least she will be able to sight-see among other activities.

It sounds like you're also providing accommodation? I'd tell Dale that you are at capacity and unfortunately you'll have to stick to his original RSVP. I see no point in shaming you for putting yourself in this situation, it is what it is. If Dale already has his own room, I don't see why she can't join the trip and just not attend the wedding.

I would just be firm and tell him im sorry but like i said there is no room. Tell him you have limited space and you even denied invited to family and other close friends because of space limits.
You did nothing wrong, and i personally wouldnt give in. Especially for someone hes only been dating for such a short time.
Also i find it annoying that the gm said hes bringing his date..instead of asking you and your fh!!

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The DW is a week long trip to Tuscany. Maybe you would have no trouble getting approval for a weeklong vacation 2-3 months out, but many people can't. My husband's employer has people choose vacation in January for the whole year. At 6 months out he has a chance to get. Less than that would be a real issue.

Airplane tickets aren't exactly cheap, but they are cheaper the earlier you shop for them.

Sounds like you majorly inconvenienced your guests.

Dale isn't just a guest who might be lonely without his "SO" of a whole 30 days. He's a groomsman. He's going to busy anyway, and his brand new SO won't know anyone else at the wedding. So again, I see no issue with her accompanying him to Tuscany, just not to the wedding.

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Um, I sent STDs in January for a November wedding.... LOL. Def didn't "inconvenience" my guests. But great assumption

Dale is a VIP, he should be treated as one.

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That still doesn't mean everyone else has to plan everything the same way you did. I can't speak for everyone else, but in my opinion an STD is not the same as an invitation. I am not planning a weeklong vacation to a DW and spending all that money on an STD. I would pencil it in and wait for the invite. As you said with the invite being to early and a lot can change, the STD being 11 months out is also early and a lot can change. At least at the invitation stage, the venue has been set.

And we'll have to agree to disagree on Dale.

View Quoted Comment I guess that's poor planning on your part 🤷🏼‍♀️ One of the main purposes of a STD is so out of town guests can plan their travel.

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I guess it is, then. Again, I would pencil it in, but I am not making solid plans without the official invite. I'm weird like that. And for a DW, if that invite comes as late as 2 months out, I'm not attending.

I can understand your frustration. I am 14 months out from my wedding and so currently my bridesmaids and groomsmen all have plus ones listed even though only 4 of the 8 are in relationships. That being said, come RSVP time, I want a definite. You cannot RSVP single and then bring a date. Sure 3 months is far out to decide for a local wedding, but not when flights are involved. I think the bridal party deserves a plus one even if that plus one is not a significant other, but they must make their decision before the RSVP is returned. And sure a week in Tuscany would be romantic and who wouldn't want an excuse to go - but the gf of Dale should never have expected to be included this close to the wedding and Dale should not have invited her without asking you and your FH first.

It is to my knowledge etiquette to allow your bridal party to have their plus one. However, it's your day. Maybe try to put it into perspective and just explain you don't want someone there you don't know well. Just also know this may go south and he may drop being in the wedding all together. I would try to get your fiancé to handle this one.

I agree with you that seen as how he’s rsvped only for himself, his girlfriend is out of luck. Just tell him that you’re at capacity and at this point, it doesn’t matter if he writes a 5 page essay, there’s just simply no room to accommodate her. It seems like he assumed because he originally had the plus one option that he may still be entitled to it. Unfortunately, Your FH will just have to reiterate how sorry y’all are, but it just can’t happen.

I think you are 100% in the right for not giving in. He RSVP'd solo, he doesn't get a guest. She can find something else to do that day if she tags along. Also, as a guest, if I got less than 3 months notice for a week at an international destination, I would not be able to attend, due to expenses and vacation time (and yes, that is even with a save the date). I think you did your guests a huge favor by planning early. It is your wedding, not Dale's vacation with his new squeeze. This whole situation would be a lot different if it was local, and I think people may not be seeing that. I think he is being immature about it, and you should not budge. I hope your week is magical!

View Quoted Comment Having replied to your request to identify a date, by saying he would come alone, in a place with limited space, limits set by the venue, he has to take responsibility for her not getting an invitation. Yes you invited people too early. And ordinarily, if a couple is together at usual invitation time, you would invite the girlfriend. But you cannot turn back time. So people reading the thread should get a warning on not doing things too far in advance. For any reason. But for the problem you OP have no, hold firm. There is no space for a new additional guest. He made a choice and is stuck with it. But since the woman now has the vacation time, she may travel with him and be with him at any time except the wedding, when she will stay away and do something else. He does not have to travel alone. And except for the actual wedding, need not spend any time with B and G or do anything with the group. As long as he takes care of her costs, and their joint lodgings. But groomsman needs to take responsibility for telling you he would be coming on his own. Not your problem . Just be gracious about it if the only time you see him is at the wedding itself . RD and WP activities are not required of anyone, always optional, as long as he shows for the wedding.

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You should tell him that unfortunately since he RSVPed alone you took him at his word and now your wedding is full and there literally is no room for another person, but if anyone cancels you'll let him know. And then if space does open up you put her first on the list and extend the invitation to her as his SO (before your extensive B-list).