Advice for a groomsman +1 situation

No but becareful inviting B list people. A lot of people get upset about it.

I would find room for her. Most people give their bridal party plus ones anyway, but especially for a destination wedding. Who wants to travel alone? These are your closest friends and if it was me, I would want to make the experience as enjoyable as possible for them.

I think it’s incredibly inconsiderate for you to expect a member of your wedding party to travel for a destination wedding and not bring a date.

Be firm- if family didn’t even make the cut then it sounds like she won’t either.

I would tell him that he's free to bring her to Tuscany, and she can stay in his hotel room, sightsee or whatever the day of the wedding, but that you're sorry there simply isn't room for additional people at the ceremony/reception 3 months out. Especially for an international event.

If he's still insistent, I'd tell him that if she's that important to him, he can drop out of the wedding party and stay home with her.

Being "madly in love" with a woman he just met, and making travel plans without even consulting you, is ridiculous.

Wedding party members should always get a plus one, especially for a DW. I don't understand why you would expect someone in your wedding party to pay so much money to travel to your wedding, taking time off work and possibly using vacation days, and not let them bring a friend to keep them company since it is halfway across the world. I don't agree with B-listing in general, and in this situation it is backfiring on you because now your groomsman wants to bring a plus one which is the norm and you already added another guest from your b-list when you should not have done so. I think you need to let her to come. It is the least you can do to show your appreciation for this groomsman being there in Italy for your wedding.

View Quoted Comment All of our wedding party was given the option. They all RSVPed alone. We're 100 days from the wedding and I can't uninvite people.

View Quoted Comment As I stated in my post, our wedding party did have the option to bring guests. They all RSVPed with no guest. As far as not agreeing with having multiple lists, I'm glad you didn't have to be in that situation but we did. My fiance has 19 aunts and uncles not counting their significant others and I have more than 15. We also have friends. We had no choice but to widdle down and make lists. If by RSVP time, you've made the decision to come alone, that's the choice you've made. I am not uninviting an Aunt so that a girl I've never met can attend.

View Quoted Comment Thank you, we were leaning towards saying something along these lines, I just wasn't sure how to state it.

View Quoted Comment The issue is I don't have room. We're at capacity. I certainly don't care if she's staying in the same city I just can't make room at the reception or ceremony. And again, our wedding party all had plus ones. They all RSVPed alone.

View Quoted Comment

I think we all have been in that situation with the guest list. We had a semi-DW in Sonoma and had 40 guests. We kept it immediate family and closest friends only. We both had other family and friends that we did not invite. It is a tough decision. However, even with such an intimate setting, there were a few spouses/partners I had never met but it didn't matter. My focus was on my husband and how happy we were that weekend as well as enjoying the love and support from everyone. And because it was a semi-DW, we splurged on our guests pampering them all weekend as a token of our appreciation for them spending their weekend with us. When you have a DW there is the expectation that you will treat your guests extra special. More is expected of you as a host. This is the time to be the generous host and show your hospitality. I would not die on this hill.

View Quoted Comment Unfortunately, you kind of brought this issue upon yourself. Of course RSVPs are changing when you requested a response from people so far in advance. Your wedding is still over 3 months away, invitations should just now be going out. How early did your first string of guests have to RSVP so that you could get your b list invites out? This is why b listing is such a bad idea, not just because it’s so blatantly rude. If you don’t have space, you don’t have space. I would have your FH sincerely apologize and just explain that you, unfortunately, cannot make room for his significant other.

View Quoted Comment While I appreciate that you have no idea what my wedding is like or the plans to pamper my guests, or that we're shelling out for a week long affair that has been planned for about a year and only requires my guests to provide food for themselves for 2 days, I think you're missing the fundamental issue here. I have no space. My ceremony and reception and villa capacity is 60. I'm at 60. What would you have me do. While you're quick to point out where you think I fall short as a host, you don't seem to have a ready solution other than, just let him bring her, which logistically, is not an option.

View Quoted Comment Most wedding invitations haven’t even been postmarked 100 days out. I would have just assumed my wedding party wouldn’t travel solo and made allowances.

It's a destination wedding in Italy. Most people need more time than 3 months to plan a week long vacation and we've been planning along side ourf amily and friends to be as accommodating as possible. You can think I'm inconsiderate or rude as much as you like but I asked for advice on the situation I'm in, not the one you would have never gotten yourself into in the first place, right? The issue is that there's no space and I can't uninvite people, so what should I do. Any responses other than that are not helpful or relevant to my question.

View Quoted Comment

Hmmm, I see. That is unfortunate. Your post made it seem like you were looking for advice on what you should do but there is nothing you can do except what you have already done. Your FH has already explained the situation to him so there is nothing else you can do. You still have a few months before the wedding so perhaps someone will change their RSVP or even they may break up by the time of your wedding.

View Quoted Comment Most weddings aren't 5000 miles away from the bride and groom's and families homes. After consulting friends and family about it, they made it clear the sooner the better would help them with planning the trip both financially and personally.

It sounds like your fiancé already told his groomsman so there’s nothing really to add. Do be prepared though that the groomsman may be very hurt and decide not to go at all, or only briefly attend the wedding to rush back to his girlfriend who might be on the trip but isn’t allowed to attend the wedding.

So much unnecessary judgment 🙄
Im sorry he sprung this on you. I would just say the venue cannot accommodate extra people because of the fire code. It isn’t your fault he told her to take a vacation then. She is just as silly to do so. Tuscany sounds beautiful! I hope you have a great time.

I also agree he could just bring her and not have her at the wedding. She can chill for that night since he chose to put her in that position.