Acquaintance upset she won't be invited

Although I can see her side a bit, I totally see your side. Don't sweat it - she has two options - to get over it or hold a grudge against you. Thankfully you don't communicate so it shouldn't be a problem in whatever she chooses to do.

If her feelings about you were that deep then why couldn't she pick up a phone in the last 8 years? It's a two way street.

I think she just feels slighted, like since you were in her wedding it's an automatic bid to be in yours. You don't owe her anything.

I can see her side of it, and i can also see yours. There are girls i havent spoken to in 6 or 7 years that have recently gotten married, and it hurt that i wasnt invited since we used to be good friends. I sent them a FB message telling them that while i understood, it did hurt my feelings not to even be told they were getting married, let alone be invited. So i can totally see her side, and completely agree with her.

But i can also see your side of it, and 8 years without contact does seem like a long time. I still think you should have at least invited her, or wrote her an email telling her yourself that you were getting married and explaining from the start that you were having a family-only ceremony. It was kind of rude to let her find out through the grapevine. take it from me, that hurts when you consider the person involved to be a friend, no matter how long it has been since you last talked to them. As a friend she deserved to be told directly

I agree. I wasn't going to be a push over and say "oh, so sorry, here is an invite, i hope you can make it" I obviously didn't go out of my way to hurt her, but i don't feel bad not inviting her. We aren't close. End of story. Because we are keeping everything small, I picked only my closest friends, and she wasn't one of them. It was hard for me to pick about 6 friends to invite to the wedding, but we wanted something intimate. My FH and I both have large extended families and decided to get cut throat with the list and keep it to immediate family and close friends only.

I think you did the right thing. You have more bridal balls than me because I probably would have caved an invited her. Good job for sticking to your guns! (And I don't think you should have previously contacted her to tell her you weren't inviting her. Why rock the boat?)

@Jackie - I can see how it would be hurtful, but honestly, i dont consider her a friend. She is a distant accquaintance. We knew each other for a year in the dorm, and i was surprised she asked me to be in her wedding. But we were friends so i said yes. We weren't long time bff's though.

She knew i was getting married through FB. She said congratulations like everyone else, and I didn't think anything more of it. If she has felt so deeply connected to me all these years, she should have picked up the phone or sent me an email. She didn't invite me to her baby shower and I wasn't hurt.

Sorry to hear you were hurt by a long time friend when you weren't even informed they were getting married or invited. But I think this is a bit of a different situation.

You handled it perfectly. You invite whoever is most close to you and your fiance. Everyone and their mother feels entitled when someone they kinda know is getting married.

I personally don't see her side I mean you all have not spoken, you no longer have a close relationship. Not to sound rude but she'll get over it. I don't think you should have to explain to her your reasons...they're obvious!!! I have chosen not to put any information regarding wedding plans on FB, Twitter, instagram etc...they will know if they are at the wedding. Obviously when you were in her wedding you were closer as friends.

I have been on both ends of this. There are people I thought I was close with and still talked to regularly, but I wasn't invited to their wedding/party/whatever. However, for my own wedding, I couldn't afford to invite the majority of people I talk to on even a weekly basis.

I have had instances where I wished I could go, but I decided personally that I don't want my lack of knowledge/understand of their decision process to create tension in our relationship. I firgure if I truely value the friendship, then the best thing to do is be happy for them in my own way, send a card or facebook message of congratulations, and let it be.

When planning my own wedding, I didn't shout it from the rooftops, but people knew that I was getting married and they knew that I only has 45 guests including us. Everybody except for one showed me the same understanding that I try to show to others.

@HisMrs. Thank you :-) I have a job where i frequently deliver bad news so i'm pretty good at sticking to my guns.

@Milwaukee_bride. - i'm with you on the not-posting-wedding-stuff-on facebook stuff. I changed my relationship status when I got engaged and my mom wrote something on fb the day that we bought my dress that "she said yes to the dress" but that was it. I've had fb friends that constantly give updates on their wedding plans and do weekly countdowns of how many months/weeks/days are left until their wedding. I find that annoying, so I choose not to write about my wedding planning on FB, because i know that no one really cares but me. And those that do, will email me and ask how it's going.

Oh i thought you meant she just found out you were getting married, through the mutual friend, and was upset at you. That i could understand, but if she knew all along and hasnt bothered to contact you or ask before now if she was invited, well, thats on her. Sorry.

Im on your side now. Open mouth, insert foot.

Oh for crying out loud....

1. Do not post wedding stuff on facebook if anyone can access it.

2. Do not feel guilty about not inviting someone you haven't spoken to in 8 years.

You don't need to include her and she shouldn't feel so entitled to be included.

I have friends from HS and college that I no longer keep in touch with outside of reading their FB posts. Everytime I see one of these people on FB post something huge - a wedding, a baby, whatever, I am sad that I am no longer as close to them as I used to be. But it is just as much my fault as it is theirs that we let our friendship fade away. And I make no real strides to keep in contact with them. I would never send a message complaining about not being included. FB is just a regular reminder of all those faded-away friendships.

After we posted our engagement on FB I had people saying they couldn't wait to see me in my dress, including a college acquaintance I was never a fan of. I also had another college acquaintance FB message me and say he wished we were closer so he could be invited. AWKWARD!!!

@crystal that is definitely awkward about that person saying they wished they are closer so they could attend. Weddings sure bring out interesting sides of people, don't they?

While I accept that that is how she feels, it's silly to expect someone you don't talk to anymore to invite you to their wedding. If a friend of mine from 8 years ago sent me an invite, I wouldn't go, and I'd wonder if she just invited me for a gift. I just don't get why people think that just because they know your name that they should be invited.

Don't feel guilty, that is so weird! You have not talked to her in 8 years, she needs to get over it. It would be one thing if you had been in her wedding last year and had not invited her, but come on. That is so strange. Stay strong and stick to your guns!

My thoughts were why was she a FB friend if you don't feel you two have a relationship?

As far as posting things on FB I do all the time. I blog about the wedding everyone on my friends list knows it. However, luckily the people I surround myself with are adult enough to get that not everyone is invited. If they get butt hurt that's fine. I am not going to do things in secret because some long lost friend is now upset that she isn't invited when she hasn't attempted to talk or hang out with me for X amount of time.

*sigh* people are killing me with this, if I do not deal with you for years then why all of a sudden invite you to my wedding? smh

Oh, my. Well, I have to say I have many FB friends from years back that are not being invited to my wedding. Including those who I was in their wedding. Life changes. I owe no one nothing.

I personally liked your reply and if she can not accept it then that is her issue. I'm so over the idea that our wedding is about everyone else. We are having who we consider people we love in our lives. That's it. Anyone offended can...well, be offended.