My fiancé and I have been planning our wedding for almost a year and a half now. We are very excited and really looking forward to the big day. One of our largest hurdles to overcome has been the guest list.
I do not want to invite my mother's youngest brother and his family (and my mother has not argued one bit but has said I should do whatever I feel is right since it is our wedding). He does not have the best relationships with other members of her family and has shown nothing but disrespect for my mom. Not to mention, he has completely embarrassed me at past family functions and various times when I do run into him in public. If anything, I would like to invite my younger cousin in his family, but do not think she would respond well to the invitation knowing that her mother, father and sister were not being included. I do not want to burn that bridge, but also I am not naive to the fact that her loyalties most likely lay with her own family. I have not included them in the Save the Date mailings and did not invite them to my Bridal Shower.
At my shower recently, in the midst of opening gifts, I was handed a light blue box. When it was placed in my lap, I was immediately curious who had brought the Tiffany box since I had nothing from them on my registry. I proceeded to unwrap a beautiful crystal vase (which I later found out is valued at over $200.00). The card inside explained that it was from my uncle's wife and his two daughters -- who were not invited and did not attend the shower. Staff at the Country Club later informed us that a woman had dropped off the box earlier in the day, before anyone had started to arrive. I was completely shocked and felt like someone was playing a really bad joke on me when I read the card.
I am not sure I can even accept this gift, but I want to do the right thing. My mother and I are debating whether or not the gift was sent as a slap in the face (a very expensive slap for that matter) for not inviting them, or if it was more of a kind gesture to say they felt bad they weren't invited but were thinking of my regardless. My first reaction was to send it back. Later, as I started to cool down a bit, I thought of just sending a thank you note thanking them for their thoughtful gift, and although it was unexpected and unnecessary, it was very much appreciated.
I don't know if I would use the word "estranged" to describe my relationship with them, but there are some hard feelings, some hurtful words spoken on my uncle's part, and I only see them when I have to. We do not spend holidays together, include each other in family parties throughout the year, and make no attempt to get together otherwise. I would love some advice as to what the proper thing to do would be. Should I return the gift or send a thank you? Should I make a phone call and invite them to the wedding (invitations have not been sent just yet)? I appreciate any and all help offered at this point. I am really at a crossroads and do not know where to turn.
