A friend just set her wedding date...the same day as mine...

Just sit her down (or call her) and be open with her about your concerns. I'm sure she'll understand. Maybe nothing can be done about it, but at least how you feel about the situation will be out in the open. If you're both able to handle this situation with grace, I think you can get past it. Let us know how it turns out! Did she just set the date?

I would for sure talk to her about it. Hopefully where she just got engaged, she doesn't have the venue set yet or is still flexible. If all else fails, people can go to your ceremony/her reception of vise versa. Or make an apperance at both. I have had my date set since well a week before FH proposed. We made it public after we set our venue. A friend's BIL was getting married a while after us but they bumped it up, to our date. Friend and Hubby will be attending BIL's ceremony and coming to our dance as BIL won't be having one. There are ways to make it work, but I would be highly irritated if I knew the other bride and she still did that.

I'm not sure how you guys hadn't discussed dates. Like I would think that since she was engaged after you and she knew you were engaged, why didn't she ask you if you guys had set a date so that this could be avoided. I have a friend who has been engaged for over a year, and I didn't think I knew when her date was. But once I got engaged, I told her when my date was. We are both getting married this August. My is on Aug 10th and hers is on Aug. 30th. Even with the showers, we said we needed to let each other know as soon as we picked a shower date so we wouldn't have it on the same date. We have mutual friends and our friends would be pissed. You are not getting married until next April, is there a way you can change your date? i know you had yours first, but she probably won't be willing to change hers.

Totally agree with cinnamon, how did she not first ask you if you had picked a date before she picked one since she was engaged after you. Just doesnt make much sense. If neither of you are able to change your date that will be a bummer for both your weddings and also for the guests. i am sure whoever sends out a STD or invite first will be deciding factor to whos wedding they attend

I'd just talk to her about it. It sounds like she might not have known what your date was. I can't tell you the number of people who have forgotten about my date who I've told multiple times!

Helltotheno. I would be so upset :/

Definitely talk to her. Be super friendly and explain that she booked her wedding for the same date as yours. If she will not change dates, send STD's ASAP! Your friends will put your wedding on that date - not hers

Wow. Just wow.

You definitely need to talk to her before it becomes an issue.

Y'all are having showers already and you're getting married in April?

If you've both booked, then that could be a problem. You can either talk reasonably and see who can change their date easier (because of special meaning of dates, availability, etc. venues, etc.). If neither one of you can change your date easily, then you both might have to come to an understanding that it will be a difficult weekend. You both are planning your weddings, and will each be a little protective of the dates you chose. Just don't be surprised if she's as unwilling to budge as you are.

If you didn't tell her your date beforehand, though, you really can't expect her to change.

Wait...she's already having a shower and she is getting married next year? Talk to her. She should be able to move her date with this much time, if this is real. I'm just not sure why she is already sending out shower invites for a late April 2015 wedding.

Is there any chance of either of you changing your date? It doesn't sound like it ... so while it might make you feel better to talk to her about it (and I think you should) you can't approach it with ANY hope of her moving it. Sounds like you just need to get it off your chest and then move forward sorry this happened. Very frustrating I'm sure.

That stinks. We booked our date in March this year and I immediately posted on Facebook so everyone I would even slightly consider inviting would know to keep it in their mind just in case. I had one old friend book the same date last month (but we probably wouldn't be invited to each others) and my FH's close friend got engaged last month and said they were considering the same date. FH let them know "Oh, we booked that date for our wedding." so hopefully they get the hint so we can attend one anothers! Also, a good friend got engaged recently and they just set their date to 2 weeks after ours for the reason of mutual friends. I'm REALLY thankful they did that.

Thank you everyone for all the support and advice. For me the date can't change. I'm already $20k deep into planning with multiple vender contracts. The friend is having an ENGAGEMENT party - not a shower that was my bad but she registered for gifts - and thats where I learned of the date- on her registries. Mutual friends think she might be early enough in planning that she can change. Fingers crossed. I left her a voice mail this morning - just waiting anxiously to have the awkward talk.

Wow sounds like bride wars! Make sure to send your save the date and invite first? Send her a save the date early maybe she will change? has she booked anything do you know?

I was almost this person! FH didn't pay attention and one of his friends was engaged for about 6 mo before we were...we were all the way down the path to setting our date and had put a deposit down on my dream venue (not to mention it would have been my bday weekend and a three day weekend, great for all the people traveling, etc.) and then he called the GM to tell them and luckily one of them realized the snafu! (The other couple didn't send out STDs...a major reason I tell everyone to SEND OUT STDs!)

I was so sad to have to change my date...everything seemed to be falling into place perfectly and I was so excited. But, it would have meant his friends would have had to split up or only do one or the other, there is a lot of groomsmen overlap, etc. I don't really know these people...but they set the date first, they get it!

So...basically...talk to her and see. Unless there is just NO way for her to change, I really hope she does. I explained the situation and my venue even refunded our deposit (they weren't available any other date that worked) as long as they got the date filled, which they did in about a day.

Your wedding's are April 2015 and you're having showers already??? Awkward... I guess. Anywho, I would talk to her about it and if she realizes that you have the same date she might be just as horrified about her friends having to choose as you are and may change her date.

Hopefully this all works out!! fingers crossed!! Keep us posted!

Not to be funny, but I honestly don't believe in rushing to send the save the date thing. Honestly, your friends are going to go to whomever friend they feel closer to. If both of my friends were married on the same date, I'm going to whomever I have the best relationship with. If you can't change the date, is it possible to change the time of the event?

You should not ask her to change her date. Just as you shouldn't have to change yours, she shouldn't have to change hers. There is also no reason to get upset or think that this will to turn into "bride wars" as others have said (over-reaction). She didn't do it intentionally as she obviously didn't know when your wedding was. You said that you two aren't that close. If you were close, she would have known your wedding date.

People choose wedding dates based on what works well for them and their future spouse and other reasons such as season or the venue has availability. She chose her date for a reason as you did. I doubt you would be impressed if some non-close friend requested that you change your date to accomodate her.

Your over-lapping friends will deal with it. They may split up the day between the two of you (ceremony/reception) or friends that are closer to you will attend yours a vice versa. How many over-lapping guests will there be anyway? I doubt it is a significant percentage of your guest list.

It's fine to letter her know that you have the same date obviously, but don't ask her to change. She has the right to have her wedding when she chooses. You don't own the date. If she volunteers to change it that's different.

There's still hope! I registered at BBB before I knew the date and they made me pick a date. We picked a random one around the time we thought it might be. If she hasn't announced it yet just kindly ask her if she's selected her date, or wedding shower dates or anything to avoid overlap. I wouldn't assume the people at my engagement party would look at my registries, let alone notice the date on it yet. Worth a shot?