a Christian and an atheist

LOL I am a born and raised Christian (Baptist) and my FH is an aethiest. Now as for me as ever since I was a girl I knew I never wanted to get married in a church. The ones in Florida are not cute. Now the ones in Europe I love and would for that aesthetic but I have always wanted an outside venue. I told our officiant to keep the ceremony speech more related to love than religious which is maybe something you can do. Now if she mentions God a bit here or there then that is fine.

You love who you love because we differ religion wise but we can have those discussions and we respect. He does not try to change me and vice versa but we work well together and have the same mindset in so many other areas. Nothing wrong with religion because I do believe God brought him into my life especially before I lost my mom so I could have someone to lean on all the time but I would rather our ceremony focus more on love.

As a non-religious person, the thing that REALLY mattered to me was leaving “god” out of it. I didn’t want it to be said that he brought us together or that we’re married in his eyes or any of that. BUT I was totally fine with biblical things— I’m all for “honoring thy partner” and such. We were married by a minister in a non-religious setting but my husband’s family (and some of mine) are catholic so he did want a little bit of tradition in there. So, we picked a reading or two that appealed to both sides. Simple, love focused , but still honoring us as the creators of our own story. We worked with our officiant as she developed the ceremony script— she asked us what we wanted and what we didn’t want, put something together, and had us proof and edit it to make it just right for us. So, I’d say it’s all in the officiant ! As long as you can find someone who respects both your wishes and is willing to work with you (and they do exist!) I think you should be able to achieve your goal. Especially someone willing to work with you on script , have you read it ahead of time, cherry pick passages you want included . So my advice would be to find an officiant that will share the script with you in advance. Then you both go into it knowing exactly what you’re getting, and can hopefully change something if it doesn’t align with your beliefs

My fiancé was raised Mormon but when his family left the church he transitioned to a much more agnostic view about religion. I’m Christian and was raised going to church and my family pastor is marrying us. We’ll have a prayer or two during our ceremony but it’s not going to be a full blown church service with a marriage in the middle because we want something short and sweet so we can move on the the husband and wife part. I wish you the best of luck! As long as you are both compassionate towards each other’s beliefs I think you should be good

My husband made it clear he would feel very uncomfortable if our wedding was religious because he is atheist. I’m not really religious so that was fine with me and I respected that. I think a church wedding might not be the most appropriate (and depending on the church they might not be on board) but you could have a ceremony with religious references. I would share your views with your officiant and explain that you’d like to incorporate your religion while respecting your partners beliefs. I’m sure you can work out a ceremony you’re both happy with!

My fiancé is Muslim and I’m not particular religious, so we’re opting for super neutral ceremony. I think you’ll be able to pull it off with the right officiant if you just explain your situation! It may take a bit to find the right one but I’m sure someone will be more than happy to work with you.

So my fiancé and I didn’t want an overly religious wedding, but we wanted still wanted a Christian ceremony. We are having our ceremony at our venue and not a church, and having a pastor do a shorter Christian ceremony!

There are some chapel and church venues that allow you to bring in an outside officiant who doesn't have to be religious. I recently found Catholics Without a Church, which will send a priest to do your ceremony no matter the religion, sexual orientation, etc.


I grew up Baptist, he grew up Catholic; now we're agnostic, bit our parents are still religious. Pre-pandemic, we were planning to do a light/generic religious ceremony with my childhood pastor at a non-church venue. Now we're doing a chapel ceremony with a non-religious officiant. It can be done. Good luck to you!

You guys can talk to the officiant beforehand and pick out parts you both disagree with. My sister agreed to bil about traditional vows he wanted, but talked to the officiant to take out the obey part in the vows, since she disagrees with the subservient part.

You can go to a nondenominational church and find more middle of road. Make sure your officiant is on same page.

The wedding is for u both!

We found an officiant who will incorporate both of our belief systems. i dont think he’ll be uncomfortable I think he will appreciate it for what it is

View Quoted Comment

Thank you for your reassuring comment.

View Quoted Comment

Yes absolutely. Fingers crossed and thank you!

View Quoted Comment

Thanks for this Kerin. I do worry about the difference between agnostic and atheist though. An agnostic like you is generally a bit more easy going I think!

View Quoted Comment

You're welcome!

View Quoted Comment

Gosh, I don't know much about Wiccans. But it's certainly reassuring to hear that there are other people muddling through this along with me! I guess the right vicar shouldn't care.

View Quoted Comment

I'm so sorry you lost your mother. And thanks for the positive words. Yes I think I just need to not be afraid to keep looking for a vicar who we can be totally honest with.

View Quoted Comment

That sounds absolutely perfect. I think that's exactly how my fiancé would feel - he wouldn't want any reference to this being "God's doing". I think that he wouldn't even want things like "here before God" though, which is pretty tame. Well, more conversations with me to have with him and for us to have with a vicar!!

View Quoted Comment

Beautiful. Yes, I think if you're having the ceremony outside of a church there is more freedom to pick and choose. x

View Quoted Comment

Unfortunately, I think for me the church location is actually the most important thing. More than the language involved. The church I have in mind holds a very special place in my heart and is a place of great nostalgic significant for me. So it's about finding a vicar who is willing to conduct a service for us in there that is spiritual enough for me but not Christian as to make my FH uncomfortable.