$30 wedding gift....

You literally titled this "$30 wedding gift"... don't act like it was just "background info". You are being judgmental. Just own up to it.

No one is entitled to a gift, much less one of a specific amount. We all give what we can afford, and it should be graciously accepted, and not questioned by any third party.

Sure no prob @KM I'll own up to it sounding judgmental since that's what most perceived. Not my intention, but I still think it's an inappropriate gift and sadly I think it's because it's a second marriage.

Did it shock you because now you're like "oh shit am I getting 30 dollars too?"

Edited: I'm not being sarcastic. I genuinely want to know lol

Lol no @S&J I addressed that in a comment because I knew it would come up.

I think if I got 30.00 dollars from my inner circle, I might feel a way for like half a second then get over it. It would be one of those private thoughts that I never shared with anyone, lol. Due to it being customary for my inner circle to generally give 100.00+ at weddings. But a co-worker? I wouldn't even question it for a second.

To some extent, second marriage does impact it if you attended the first wedding for some people. I've never been in this situation but I think I would give the same amount regardless.

But for you, I would absolutely do $150. My standard is $200 for my fiancé and I. And since you are a superior in your job with her, that does set the tone for giving a nicer gift (unfair yes, but still - you don't want to be the boss who gave a crappy gift at her wedding)

Truthfully I don't understand why people dock what they give as a gift because it's "just" a co worker or not a very close friend. If you're close enough to attend, you're close enough to give an appropriate gift. If you don't feel close with the coworker, then decline the invite imo.

Yes, give what you can and if you're in a financial hardship, then $30 is fine but $30 because it's "just" a coworker reasoning doesn't seem right to me

Also as someone who gives $200 as my standard, I don't find this post judgey. I totally got your post and in the region I live $30 as a gift generally doesn't happen (perhaps that's a regional thing).

Also I'm not sure why so many posts are saying you are being judgey. Theyre completely entitled to that opinion but so many posts on WW are way worse to me when people post how horrible the wedding was they just went to etc and I rarely see people saying that's judgey

Yup that's how I feel. My circle has no issue saying what we're giving and we're all generally around the same; probably why I wasn't used to that amount and thought she was joking hence my response lol.

I gave $50 at the two weddings I went to 2 years ago. They were first marriages, but it would have been the same if it was a second wedding.

Reasons:

1. That's all I could afford

2. Student loans

3. New job and barely starting to make money to make a dent in student loans/ credit cards from college.

4. I'm not going to go BROKE trying to look rich.

I would love to know if my friends didn't like the gift, so that I could cut ties with them. I don't need judgmental friends.

If I go to a wedding solo, the cash gift is about $30. I'm not apologizing for that...

@CLR and @ambrok, please don't explain yourselves! That fine! I gave my reasons for saying what I did and I honestly I think 50 is way more appropriate than 30. Idk, I just have a thing with numbers I guess. 30 seems unfinished or like something is missing in my opinion.

I would usually assume that it's all they can afford or they have no idea how much weddings costs. Or they are cheap.

Again there is no required for gifting but people will perceive and judge everything. Guests judge the hosts all the time.

Agreed @VC

You gift what you can afford. The last wedding I went to, which was every bad etiquette in the book, we gave $50. I don't know the couple and FH had only worked with the groom for a short time. I think that's plenty. I don't expect $150 from my closest friends. That's very generous.

I try to give at least what I think our plate costs. But sometimes we can't afford to give more than $75 between FH and I.

I wouldn't dock for a second wedding though

Lol @Erin I know the wedding you're referring to from earlier this week.

From the description, it honestly sounded like she was deducting the cost of the dress from the gift. Which is weird in my eyes but I guess we don't know people's backgrounds. My initial reaction is that she didn't have to buy a brand new dress and give a better gift.

That was a thought of mine too @JPCD

I'm uncomfortable with using the word etiquette in relation to gift amounts. Maybe certain circles have customs, but I don't think anyone should go broke because etiquette says you need to gift $150 to attend. Once a gift is expected, it stops being a gift. I like what someone said earlier about an invitation not being an invoice. You can't assume what's going on with other people's finances. But even if they're wealthy, you aren't entitled to gifts! I would judge anyone who changed their relationship with someone over a wedding gift.

I should mention that it wouldn't matter if it was a 2nd wedding or not.