2Nd time bride, overwhelmed

So this is what I told my best friend when she got remarried. This is a first, you haven't done this before, because you are marrying the love of your life. Don't let other people, especially family make you feel that you have to impress them. Do what makes both of you happy and compromise on the things that you disagree on. I would explain that while you like purple, it is not a color that you want for your wedding. And tell him exactly why. The venues are beautiful. Tell your family to politely zip their lips. Have fun, fully enjoy this new experience with you FH.

I reccomend you try to do things that you and your FH like/want rather than impressing friends and family.

Here's my advice. You're a grown woman and. You don't owe an explanation to anyone. So what you want and if anyone says anything don't discuss wedding plans. It's about you two and what you want.

I agree with the others so far. This is your special day! Don’t try to impress others or worry about what people think. If the colors are something you really don’t want because of your first wedding then explain to you FH otherwise go for it. Make this about the two of you and nobody else.

You do you! I was married 16 years ago and that wedding isn’t even in the back of my mind. I’m marrying the love of my life and I have us on my mind 😊

Hi sweetie,
I got married when I was 18 in 2006 divorced in 2009 . Was with a horrible man from 2011 to 2019 started to wedding plan but never happened, didn’t get a ring or proposal met my now fiancé in 2019 getting married in 2022 he’s perfect enough for me, durning my last wedding I had pink white black, now I’m having pink purple and white with hints of blue

This is the first time you have gotten remarried and whatever you do is fine. This wedding is not in 2012. You are not in your early 20s. This one is completely different no matter what you do. You are fine just the way you are.




#1 Fiance doesn't get a say in some things and it's cringey when they do. If it has bride in front of it, that is a big clue of what he doesn't really have an appearance say in.... Like he does when it comes to the budget but you're the bride who decides the wedding dress, the bridesmaids, who your friends are, the bridal bouquet... If it has groom in front of it, it's vice versa. So if you don't like purple, it's fine. He can have lavender in his boutonniere with some ivory roses / purple gm... Idk but you get the point. You're a grown lady who doesn't need people telling you what to wear.


#2 it doesn't matter if you get married if the place you get remarried in the exact same place. It is still a different wedding. I don't need to look at the pictures to tell you it's fine if you both like the venue.

#3 as someone who is very experienced with passive aggressive judgemental people and someone who is also on their 2nd marriage. After my divorce, I learned not to give a f*** about judgy people. If they ain't paying your bills, we don't need to pay them any attention. Words only have the meaning you give them. Pain is french for bread. Words will only hurt if you let them. There will be lots of words and we have to filter out the ones that aren't out of love, kindness, or friendship.


People can only be judgy if you let them. We can't change stupid judgy people that have nothing better to do but we can stop paying attention to stupid judgy people with nothing better to do. And nobody needs that in their life. Quick ways to shut it down is thank you for your opinion but this is what we decided. Speak your mind and say what you feel because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.


Like what you like and remember... Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift.... That is why we call it the present. Enjoy today, enjoy being engaged! Congratulations and best wishes.

Don’t let anyone else pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been married before or not! Do whatever you two think is best, have the wedding that you two want not what everyone else wants

Love the advice already given about going with what you want and not worrying about what others think

As far as I am concerned, constantly comparing simply makes you totally conscious of the first one every choice, which is the opposite of your goal. I was widowed months after my first marriage. When I found myself avoiding this, because my first MOG pushed us to do it, and that, because of..., and do this because it is different from #1, my Dad, who lost his first wife, took me aside.
He said, 6 years have passed. In some ways you have changed, in some not. And your new FI is like your former husband in some ways, different in others. He said , plan this wedding for things you and your new husband want, with no reference to what happened before. If you cannot independently step forward to plan your wedding, you will bring this ghost of marriage past into many things. That is cruel to the man who loves you now. Talk about good memories or bad, experiences. But never compare, or deliberatly do something like before, or not like before. Wipe the slate.
Ask your FI, write down what you like, #1 and #2. You do the same Discuss those. And any and every time any friend or family mentions last time, cut them off abruptly. Tell them it is very bad manners to discuss your past plans when a new fiance is involved now. Repeat, and repeat again. Or it will come up in wedding choices, gifts what to eat or drink, where to buy a house, handling bills, everything. If someone persists, make it clear. I love .y FI. If you cannot show any respect for him and me as a couple, you will not be invited to the wedding, nor will we visit you after. My first marriage is over. Grow up and accept that.Sounds awful. ut many a second marriage started to fail when the new spouse constantly found the presence of the old spouse in every decision. Keep your memories. Keep them out of ongoing things with your husband. Your family is being childish and rude. You need to put your foot down. They be the person you are now, older and wiser, some the same and some different, living in the present with your FI. He deserves nothing less.

Thank you everyone! This is good advice, and what I needed to hear.