2nd marriage bridal shower and girls night. What do you think?

Do what makes you happy.. I'm sure there's things that FH and you could use and will give guests more options then just cash to give you (since there's always a few that prefer to buy something)

@Erin C okay I see your frustration in that scenario. That's crazy!

@ Erin C. Yes I would still feel that way. Just because you have a shower doesn't mean you have to attend as a guest. And while yes that's annoying it's still how I feel. Love is a weird and difficult thing, it takes some longer than others to find it. I can see why you would not be a fan of multiple wedding showers but I still feel a bride should be treated as such each time. But again that's just my feeling.

Shakespeare- you are totally welcome to your opinion I was just genuinely curious.

Erin and I 100% see where you are coming from and why that would be rough and something you would want to stay away from. I've had family like that myself.

I think after that long, it's fine to have a little shower! Even if it is the same people (which likely, it's not) - they last bought you a wedding gift TWENTY EIGHT YEARS AGO. It is not "gift grabby" lol. It sounds like your friend wants to keep it low-key and it sounds like it will be a fun night!

Do you want a shower? If

you want one, after that many years of marriage and that length of time, I wouldn't see anything wrong with it. If you think you could do without the shower, just tell your friend you'd rather keep it at just a girls night.

Shakespeare - really? A woman is entitled to multiple showers / parties / gifts simply because she is getting married for the second, third, fourth time? I don't understand this logic and I don't understand why you would feel such entitlement to parties and gifts simply because you happen to be getting married multiple times. Being a bride really isn't that special - you make it sound like it's some kind of accomplishment that deserves a reward. It's not.

Emily, I never said entitled. I said she should be treated as a bride. A bride should celebrate with those important to her life. She could say no gifts needed at the shower, or make a small registry if she absolutely wants. But I see the shower as a chance to get together and celebrate the gifts are an after thought in my mind.

If someone wanted to throw me one, I would accept. I had none of those experiences my first time around, and I was kind of bummed about it, tbh, because not even my own mom cared enough to do so. This time however, if anyone does, it'll probably be someone in DF's family.

For those who don't think you should have a shower for a second wedding, do you feel it makes a difference if there was no shower the first time or if it's the first wedding for one partner?

I had a shower and this is my second marriage, but it's DH's first and I never had a shower the first time. I did a justice of the peace wedding the first time and didn't register or receive any gifts, so there was no double gifting at all.

Also, for those who feel that showers are only for those just getting started, how do you feel about couples who already live together then? They theoretically are not just getting started either and usually already have everything they need.

Wedding etiquette is interesting to me because it seems like there are so many gray areas and differences depending on your region and social group.

Well Shakespeare, that is where you are misunderstanding. The main point of a shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts. That is why it is called a shower. So if there are no gifts, then it is not a shower. It is something different. I have no issue with a luncheon or girls night as a celebration. But that is not the same as a shower.

Emily, no I understand what a shower is, I've been to my fair share. I was more saying, which I seem to not be able to articulate well, that it's the bride's choice to say something if she doesn't want gifts if she feels it's too "needy" looking. I still feel the bride should feel like she is able to have one with her new husband even if she was married previously.

Thank you for all of your thoughts. There are only a couple of people who will be at my wedding for a 2nd time. I don't think I'd invite the 80 somethings to a girl's night/shower anyway. Somehow I think my Aunts will be really okay with that.

I think I'll go for it since my friends want to do this for me. Thankfully it won't be anything extravagant and will be more of a house party with food, music and of course, that Jacuzzi. Can you tell I want to get into that Jacuzzi? LOL I'm still going to think about the "shower" part. Half of me would like it and the other half feels shy about it.

I don't see a problem with it. I would have no second thoughts about going to a shower for a second marriage.

@Emily S, where in gods green earth did I say she HAD to let someone throw her a shower. All throughout I've said if someone wants to throw her one (and I figured her wanting one was implied) then she should have one. If she doesn't want one, by all means don't.

^^^ "If someone wants to throw you one, let them". I was referring to that statement which seemed like a very blanket statement and not specifically to the OP.