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Dedicated June 2019

11 days b4 i do and had to let go a bridesmaid

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Lovec, on May 21, 2019 at 1:26 PM

So b4 the etiquette police come for me I want to say I really don’t care about what a bridesmaids only requirement is to buy the dress and show up!
I let ALL my bridesmaids know 10 months ago the requirements of this title! Pay for dress, makeup and hair! Everyone was ok! I pick a dress that was $140 and had to do a little alterations so all together $170! I got dress from azazie so they can make sure they get the right sizes! Long story short bridesmaid didn’t try on not one dress and order her dress 3 sizes to small! Which she never told me it was too little🙄 When alterations started she was told it will be way more because she have to take it out 8 inches she will cost $150! Now 11 days b4 the wedding she saying she not getting her hair or makeup done and will be doing them herself!
So I told her to step down cause it’s her fault and I shouldn’t have to pay for the expense when she knew the price from the beginning and agreed to them! But I do feel bad for our relationship after have any had to deal with this so close to the wedding?

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Super May 2019
Mrs. C · on May 21, 2019 at 3:24 PM
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Things happen. Maybe she thought money wouldn't be an issue with the makeup situation but now it is!! Life happens! If you want what you want the only FAIR thing to do is to at least offer to help her out a little with the makeup. It is ridiculous to let this affect your friendship. Yes it is YOUR day but you also have to keep in mind its ONE DAY. Your decision regarding your friend on this ONE DAY can and WILL have a lasting impact on your relationship for the rest of your life. I don't mean to be rude but this is not the kind of friendship I would want to have with someone who puts their vision about how the bridesmaids will look on the day of over their WHOLE FRIENDSHIP.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on May 21, 2019 at 3:34 PM
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Okay ordering the dress three sizes too small was her fault, but why didn't you check that months ago when she ordered it? It's pretty common sense to physically check the dresses yourself to make sure this sort of thing doesn't happen.
As many people said if you wanted hair and make up professionally done you foot the bill, so you're in the wrong for that.
I can't blame you for having an unprepared bridesmaid step down but it sounds like you both made a series of mistakes here, it's unfortunate to ruin a friendship over both of you making mistakes.
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Dedicated June 2019
Lovec · on May 21, 2019 at 3:45 PM
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I have ask her about her dress several times and she lied about not receiving it! So I did my part and my only mistake was letting her think she got away with the lie
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on May 21, 2019 at 3:52 PM
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I didn't say did you ask, I said see. As in put it on her body and see it yourself. Either with your own eyeballs or through video or photos.
If you never saw it on her body and only took her word that's not checking that the dress fits to me. Should she have lied? No. But if you didn't actually check that it fits that's also on you.
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Dedicated June 2019
Lovec · on May 21, 2019 at 3:59 PM
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She told me she didn’t receive it so how would I see it! I saw it when the lady fix it but she never came to the fitting to try it on! Like I said I did my part! You right I should have call her on the lie a long time ago trying to keep the peace and she took it for granted!
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Super December 2021
Casey · on May 21, 2019 at 5:15 PM
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This! I imagine she thought she could lose weight and unfortunately she did not. She is probably feeling embarrassed, ashamed, and now very hurt. I agree with other PP, it is YOUR responsibility to cover hair and makeup if required. You chose to make your one day, or rather the aesthetic of this one day, more important than your friendship. As others said, it's very possible that financial situation changed (also, if she actually agreed to all those extra alterations she now needs then maybe that is where her hair and makeup money ended up going.) I also would be surprised if she even comes as a guest or if the friendship recovers- she is probably severely emotionally wounded.
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VIP September 2019
Trista · on May 21, 2019 at 6:33 PM
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You clearly don't realize, formal dress sizes are different than street style clothing. I'm sure she didn't mean to order the wrong size. You have to remember, your wedding is ONE DAY. If you're willing to lose a friend over one day, she's better off.
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Dedicated June 2019
Lovec · on May 21, 2019 at 7:03 PM
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The dress takes 6 weeks to come in you couldn’t possibly thought that u would lose that much weight especially when ur not trying!
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Dedicated June 2019
Lovec · on May 21, 2019 at 7:07 PM
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I realized but she didn’t i guess when I told her to try on the dress b4 u buy it! One day yes but one of the most important days also
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VIP September 2019
Trista · on May 21, 2019 at 7:09 PM
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Marrying your spouse is what makes it the most important day, not treating your friend and family terribly for the sake of pretty pictures.
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VIP September 2019
CDickman · on May 21, 2019 at 7:53 PM
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Look I am going to be honest. Yes she made a mistake and you decided what you decided on. However you seem to want to have it all. A best friend that you can’t forgive for making a mistake and “perfect pictures .” You made a choice and of your friend is going to act like nothing happen then you are one lucky girl. But every choice we make has consequences. You more then likely ruined this friendship and quite possibly more. Cause if I knew some one that treated a friend like that I would not be there friend. I know you do not like and agree with me. But you asked how to keep the relationship. I don’t think you can.
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Beginner July 2019
Brittany · on May 21, 2019 at 9:17 PM
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I’m having my bridesmaids pay for hair and makeup along with dress as well. It’s something I stayed from the beginning and due to lack of financial help I had no other choice! If that late in the game a bridesmaid couldn’t afford hair and makeup due to a mishap I would have to suck it up and pay for her as frustrating as it may be in order to be the happiest on my day. You aren’t wrong for having them pay I don’t know where this crazy etiquette rule came from cause all your wedding guests I’m sure are spending money in hair and makeup and nails and dresses but the ones IN the wedding should get it done free? Absurd rule in my eyes! But anyways... don’t lose a friendship over this and try to work it out and stay calm!
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VIP September 2019
CDickman · on May 21, 2019 at 10:23 PM
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They can do it themself. I am not paying for my girls hair and make up
but they DONT have to have it done. To me it is rude cause hair and make up is expensive and I would rather have my BM with no make up standing by me then not standing by me at all. You also ask what dress budget is for each girl.
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VIP January 2020
Vicky · on May 21, 2019 at 10:50 PM
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Why on earth do you assume that people attending a wedding are paying a professional to do their hair, make-up, and nails?
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Dedicated June 2019
Lovec · on May 22, 2019 at 12:05 AM
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Because this is what I ask them to agree too which everyone is was ok with
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Dedicated June 2019
Lovec · on May 22, 2019 at 12:10 AM
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I’m sorry that I’m don’t have an unlimited budget to get all my 9 bridesmaids hair and makeup done and pay for my entire wedding! I asked if they were ok with paying for everything and the answer was yes! So now that she can’t I gotta scrap up money for her forget about the others things that needs to be done! Yea they can keep that rule for the wealthy brides!
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Super June 2019
Eamsee · on May 22, 2019 at 4:19 AM
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Yes, you hit the nail on the head with this one, Trista.
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VIP September 2019
Trista · on May 22, 2019 at 4:25 AM
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Thanks. After going through this wedding planning process, I'm getting quite fed up with brides that get so hyper focused on the wedding that they forget that their parents and wedding party are people. In reality, the wedding isn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. Marrying your love and having friends and family around you are what's important.
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Super May 2019
Mrs. C · on May 22, 2019 at 11:51 AM
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YES!!! THIS!!
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Super October 2017
Emily · on May 22, 2019 at 11:16 PM
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I have to believe this isn’t real - but on the off chance I’m wrong - good luck in life.
If you’re this upset over someone’s hair and makeup for your “special day” (my least favorite description for a wedding day) then you are really in for it. Nothing in life is guaranteed to go as planned and I can promise you your life will continue to get harder.

I shudder to think of how you will handle real challenges in your marriage and in your life if this is how you are reacting to something so minor as this.
Try to focus on what matters - getting married and starting a marriage. I couldn’t tell you what the hair or makeup of any of my bridesmaids looked like. I was busy focusing on other things that day.
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