How to NOT invite a family member?
Kind of a strange topic, but I have a cousin (my mother's first cousin) who I haven't talked to in years. My mother is adamant that she and her two children be invited to my wedding but I am dead against it.

When I was growing up, this woman was nothing but a class A bi*** to everyone, including my mom. And her children were absolute brats. They were petty and obnoxious as a family and I choose not to associate with them (no declaration, I just don't go visit or relish attending any family functions they go to).

I feel like it's my wedding day and I should be sharing it with the people I love and not having to play polite to someone I've never liked.

Am I crazy for thinking we could just tell her it's an intimate wedding with a very small guest list to keep her away?

Any suggestions?

Married: 08/15/2010
Posted On: Feb 27, 2009 at 12:37 PM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

19 Comments | Login or Signup to post a comment!

Married: 07/25/2009
Feb 27, 2009 at 1:05 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Are you inviting ALL of the rest of your family? Every other cousin? If you are only inviting some relatives and not others, depending on how close you are to them, then it wouldn't seem so awkward to leave her out. But if you are inviting all of your cousins *except* her, that would seem a bit rude.

Married: 08/15/2010
Feb 27, 2009 at 1:26 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
The guest list is still vague since we have so long before the wedding actually happens, but I haven't been planning on a lot of extended family coming, just the ones I do see on a regular basis.

Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 2
Feb 27, 2009 at 3:38 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I have a few similar stations. Because my GL is limited to 125 and I originally had it at 175 and I had to cut out all of my work friends. I personally have no problem not inviting some distant cousin who I don't talk to or like. Would she invite you? Probably not, and she might not even want to come. Be prepared that she might pretend she does though...

Its your wedding and you should be able to invite who you wish, if someone doesn't like it they don't have to come. Good luck!

Married: 04/25/2009
Feb 27, 2009 at 4:06 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
i agree with the last poster....its YOUR wedding you should get to invite who you want to. you dont need some idiots there who they treat you like crap to ruin your day. yo9u should invite who YOU want to invite.

Married: 04/05/2009
Reviews: 6
Feb 28, 2009 at 2:06 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Here is my take...it is YOUR wedding. You can invite who you want. If you do invite someone you don't want thereor don't get along with, you are going to stress about it until the wedding is over. Not good. You want to make this day as close to perfect as you can FOR YOU TWO.

Married: 10/10/2009
Mar 01, 2009 at 7:23 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Well...I'm not inviting my godmother (mom sister) & godfather or any of their rude, disgusting, disrespectful children...The good thing about paying for your own wedding is YOU decide who comes. Noone else.

However, those people did something blatantly rude to me at one point, and know I hate them. Did you ever have words/confrontation with them? If not, this may just stir the pot. However, it is still your wedding and you should not be obligated to have people there you do not absolutely want. If your mom has a problem, tell her to fork up the cash for all their plates. Her feelings may change.

Married: 08/15/2010
Mar 01, 2009 at 7:46 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Well, being a poor college student who is getting married late summer after I graduate, and he a poor marine who is getting out the same month we get married, the parents are paying for this one. I love them so much for that. They're too good to me.

But I'm doing a VERY cheap wedding in the first place and my mom and I have had a conversation (in which I ended up kind of crying over this) so at least she knows that I'm serious about this issue and not just being a brat/bridezilla.

I want every person at my wedding to be someone I or my FH truly care about and who truly cares about us. I feel that this is a very important day that should be filled with nothing but love. This cousin is not a loving person.

Thanks for your advice, everyone. I'll keep it all in mind over the next few months while this battle is "duked out".

Married: 05/02/2009
Mar 03, 2009 at 4:54 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I'm not inviting my one aunt and uncle or 6 of thier 8 combined children/grandchildren and spouses. I'm sure they will find out but Their family was the same way yours sounds to be. Acctually It's to the point that if I invited my God Father and his wife my parent said they wouldn't come. But I'm the one who made the choice not to invite all but two of thier children, the only two that ever mattered to me or treated me like I was worth a darn.

Why should you ahve people you don't like at your wedding?

dancefrog1
Married: 02/12/2010
Reviews: 1
Mar 03, 2009 at 6:00 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I agree it's YOUR wedding. I'm in the same situation and I'm purposely plannng a destination wedding to avoid any confrontation with why I'm not inviting certain people to my wedding, cause in the end the one's that TRULY care will make sure they are there for the wedding. It's a special day and you shouldnt have any issues come up and it's a special moment and you want people that care about the BOTH of you.

soon2bMrsD
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 15
Mar 04, 2009 at 12:00 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
We are going through a similar issue as yours on both sides of our families, so our NOT INVITED list is a bit extensive. What it boils down to is this: Will you cringe when you look over at this person on YOUR special day? If they say or do something rude will it ruin YOUR special day? Are they there to support the both of you or to score a free meal, drinks and what-nots? If your answeres are YES then nix them from your guest list. -- Better still do what I did. Make your wedding planner the bad guy and give her a NOT INVITED/Wedding Crasher List. She can politely U-turn them at the door for you.

Billy
Married: 03/13/2010
Mar 04, 2009 at 1:08 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I have a small family, but my fiance has a big one. Way before we got engaged he had already made his "DO NOT INVITE" list, which includes two of his aunts from his mothers side. He is still adiment about inviting his grandparents (Mother side) because these people has critisize him and have been hypocritz with him since he was born.
His mother "Claims" he is being mean and has tried to talk me out of it, but I support him because he supports me.
the way i see it, a wedding is shared between those people hwo have seen you grow up, given you morals and seen you make your dreams come to life. Those who have just rediculed and been a pain in the behind only decerve to look at your pretty wedding pictures online.... If they are lucky. =)
YOUR WEDDING YOUR RULES! The End!

Married: 11/28/2009
Mar 16, 2009 at 2:47 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
This post made me feel a lot better about not inviting my step brother and my extended family on my father's side. My step brother is crazy and a bully and I don't want that mess at my wedding. He thinks he's invited, naturally, but nope. Not having it. My fiance doesn't like him and I'm uncomfortable around him because I don't know what he might do or say. He's a very angry person. As for my dad's people, I barely see them or talk to them. We want an intimate wedding with close family and friends. People who's phone number we got. Who we see more than once a year.

You have to be comfortable on your wedding day. Mama just gon have to be mad because its not really about what she wants. Its your day

Married: 07/11/2009
Mar 18, 2009 at 10:09 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I feel your pain!! My soon to be mother in law is supposed to come, but she has said some pretty horrible stuff about me. First off, I am about 7 years older than my man(cub!!)lol! And she does not like that at all. She also has said things like if we have any kids she will be at the hospital with child welfare in tow to take the baby!! This is the one that's getting me. I have never been married, although I do have an almost 9 year old son( ring bearer). No one messes with my kids, even, and especially if they are blood related. Plus her ex-husband is coming, and she has a warrant for his arrest for child support. No cops at my wedding. I hope you figure this one out, hope I do too. Wow it's great to vent!! Thanks! Darla and Jared

Married: 01/02/2010
Mar 18, 2009 at 11:18 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
HA... don't feel bad, and don't let family guilt you into inviting people, whether they be family members or family friends, you do not want, particularly if you're paying for it.

My fiance and I are paying for our own wedding because we want to control OUR wedding. We are having a small intimate wedding with 50-60 guest. I have a very large family and I simply, one cannot afford to invite them all, and two I don't want to. We do not want a big wedding - to us, this is a party for us to really enjoy our immediate family and closes friends who we remain in contact with on a frequent basis. Uncle Freddie, whom I haven't seen since my grandmother's funeral four years ago, is not invited, nor do I feel obligated to invite him, his kids, and his kid's kids. And I have 7 uncles, so inviting them and cousins I haven't seen in a long time, and even half brothers who I barely know, is out of the question.

You are not crazy and well within your right - don't do it!

Married: 12/04/2010
Mar 19, 2009 at 12:48 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
It makes me feel better to read all the post, I am in a similar situation. My issue is on my FH family his sister and 19yr old daugher gone out of their way to disrespect me indirectly, like at family functions not saying hi to me only to him and commenting to other people that they dont want to go in the same room as me. -anywho i dont want them at the wedding, its MY day and i dont want them there plain and simple. My FH says i should not let anyone worry me or ruin my day that they are not worth it. Still I only want ppl there that love and care about us so he says its up to me that its my decision and he will support me and not inviting them will stir up alot of drama but i dont care i dont want them there. Needless to say we have been invited this weekend to a birthday party they are hosting and we wont be there. With that said im sure they assume they will be invited so If you figure out a way to tell them let me know.

Married: 10/10/2010
Oct 26, 2009 at 10:53 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I have to say that I agree with every bride out there who does not want to deal with family members they don't like at their wedding. If these people have tried to deliberately hurt you or anyone you care about I would suggest staying clear from the drama. Just because you are related to them doesn't obligate them to be invited to anything of yours. I have a whole side of family that I would no sooner watch burn in hell then have them at my wedding. That would be unfair to you to have to deal with anything they would do or say. Like judge your spouse and his family, judge your food, your dress, your new in-laws, FORGET THEM! There is no place in your past to have these people and there is no place in your future for them either.

Married: 06/23/2012
Sep 27, 2010 at 2:06 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
My fiance and I are footing the bill for the majority of the wedding. And maybe this is wrong, but even though his father is helping us, we haven't really shown anyone the guest list, and he hasn't asked to see it. We're at 140 people and don't want to go much higher. I have a TON of aunts and uncles and cousins...honestly, I'm only inviting the family I actually speak to and see. I haven't heard or see from some of my parents family members in over 20 years. Why am I going to spend 44 bucks a plate on them.

Married: 11/09/2013
Reviews: 2
Apr 18, 2013 at 6:21 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I am SO glad I found this discussion, because I have been stressing lately about not inviting a bunch of my aunts/uncles/cousins to our wedding. On both sides of my family, there are aunts and uncles who have been a combination of these things: absent, drama-causing, far away, high maintenance--and I'm putting it very lightly. Why should I pay $100 per seat for them when they have been absent for every other important moment of my life? My fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves, so our parents gave us their blessing..I STILL dread having to break the news to my grandparents, though. OY.

Married: 08/31/2014
Mar 30, 2014 at 10:20 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Ditto for us. Our parents have 8 siblings combined; 2 aren't invited (25%). I've seen my uncle twice in 10 years. My parents have gotten Xmas cards twice in 10 years. He's called 3 times - and each time it was only because he wanted to borrow our beach house. We have absolutely no relationship. He didn't even RSVP, to my sister's wedding, so there's no way I'm inviting him to mine (half the size). We didn't even consider him for one second. DNA should not determine your guest list.
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