Atheist Brides?

Ooooohh sticky topic!

Not atheist but I guess agnostic. We are not religious but we are spiritual. We are also having an outdoor garden ceremony which his uncle will perform. I grew up Baptist but I really cannot identify with the religion (or Christianity) anymore. We both believe in God so we will have a prayer but I guess thats the only religious part.

We don't strongly voice our religious views but if an6yone asks, we will gladly tell them about our decisions. Our families are fine with it so far.

Compromise is always good. I don't seem to have that issue YET. My FH's parents are both catholic and his mom seemed a bit surprised that we were not getting married in a church but she did not voice her opinion. I am lucky to have a FMIL and mom who don't interfere and just want us to do what makes us happy . We will also be getting a JOP as neither of us are religious AT ALL. Tbh i think that weddings are for the family too, not just the couple, so if we needed to we would try to compromise but we wouldn't change our entire idea of what we wanted. It's hard to make EVERYONE happy.

I'm not an atheist, but I don't identify with a religion. FH doesn't either. My mom started out trying to nudge us into having a church ceremony and going to pre-marital counseling through church. But when I just told her no, she backed down quickly and we still have her support. I think your families will understand. The blessing is a great idea. But remember you can't please everyone.

I'm an atheist and H is agnostic. We both came from religious households (mine Catholic) but when it came down to the ceremony we went with a slightly religious one. It was less about God and more about spirituality although we left the Lord's Prayer in for the parents. Work with your officiant to find the best route for you. Ours understood where we were coming from and adapted his regular ceremony to us.

Yeah he mentioned something (after a few drinks haha) that his sis had made a comment about his Mother not being happy about "paying for a wedding she didn't agree with". I was shocked. First of all because she'd never mentioned anything like that to me, and second because we're paying for the majority of the wedding.

He assured me that it was just his sister projecting how she felt, and that his mother probably never even said that, but it made me a bit uncomfortable. And now i feel awkward discussing wedding details with her because i feel like she thinks i'm some heathen! And i adore my FMIL!

Both the DH and I are agnostic but are not christian (by any means!). My parents are atheist. His family is Catholic.We did end up compromising and were fine with the decision. I've said in other posts that the ceremony is not just about you but in an ideal world, it' s also about binding households as well. In that respect, I think it's a nice idea to include a tradition or two as long as you don't feel it gives the wrong impression. We had our wedding outside with a JOP and ended up with a blessing (as well as a few other reading--The Unity and i carry your heart) and it was enough to appease the catholic side.

We compromised as best as we could but there were somethings that I was very firm about.....

My husband is Christian and I'm......I am not even sure what I call myself I am definitely not atheist but I am not religious either..

I have such a diverse family that I insisted on a Non-religious ceremony..DH family not too thrilled with this and even some of my family were not crazy about it but it's what I wanted.

My grandmother on my father's side is jewish and it was not planned but she did convince us to have a stomping the glass thing. We did it to make her happy, I really didn't care either way.

FH and I have no religious views as well. We are getting married by the best friend of FH's brother (FBIL) Luckily no one in his family (nor mine) have said anything. They just want us to be happy on our day.

But honestly, to keep peace with the family, I would compromise. Unless it gets too out of hand, then do what you and FH want.

Most of my couples describe themselves as "spiritual but not religious", and that can mean must about everything and anything. Almost none of my ceremonies include biblical readings, but sometimes a relative will do them as a guest reading, which is kind of a good compromise because it distances that a bit from the couple. It seems like the guest is offering the reading rather than the couple themselves.

If the ceremony is well written and inspiring, I think your families will enjoy it. I have had many couples' families tell me (in not so many words) that they had no expectation of liking the ceremony, but it was the best one they ever heard. It's all up to your officiant and you to collaborate on something beautiful.

I was raised Catholic, H was raised Russian Orthodox. If that's the proper term. We're both leaning spiritual but not affiliated with any religious group. My MIL was awfully scared that I was somehow going to turn H into a Catholic. So our compromise was to have a fully civil ceremony without any religious connotations. In fact, the only thing was that our officiant said a very short blessing in the end.

We're not Atheist, but my ILs are Catholic and I am not. We did not have a Catholic wedding, which was a really, really big pill for them to swallow. At their request, their priest came to the reception and gave a blessing over dinner. If it was meaningful to them, we figured that was fine.

Don't buy into the family gossip, which is what all secondhand info is when it comes to the wedding. If you're worried about your FMIL's feelings I would have your FH talk to her directly about it so you guys can include some element that might make the family feel honored. It's less about religion and really about respecting and honoring your FH's heritage and the efforts they made to bring him up IMO. Don't do anything that goes against your values, but I think if there are any ways you can compromise it will make smoother sailing for you when it comes to the wedding, and even after the wedding.

Remember for a Catholic to have a non-Catholic wedding is a really big deal. It means your FH wouldn't be able to take sacrament with his family at Easter/Christmas unless your marriage was convalidated. Not sure if that's even an issue but just for example.

Some Catholic families will not be okay with any non-Catholic wedding, no matter how flowery and beautiful the ceremony is or who says what over dinner. Others will be more flexible. Just know your audience before you offer up a compromise so you can prepare yourself for how it's going to be received.

My guy and I are agnostic, he was raised catholic and I was raised as a bit of a heinz 57 of different christanity sects. Most of my mom's fam is southern baptists though (yikes) much of them even used to beling to the PTL! But I diegress~ we're having secular readings/ceremony, and though our families might not see eye to eye with us or each other- hopefully all that will be forgotten by the love that I share w/my FH on that day.

Krisalicious, what kills me is that they don't attend church unless it's for a wedding or funeral. Not even on Easter or Christmas. So the fact that they'd have a problem with our wedding not being in the church kinda baffles me. I think a lot of it is that to them a wedding in a church is just "what you do". My FH hadn't ever been to a non-church wedding until he met me. He thought if you didn't get married in a church you just had to go to the court house or something.

We are both Atheist, but were both raised Catholic. Both of our families wanted the wedding to be in a church, and were a little upset that my hippy brother was marrying us. (We got married in PA where anyone can marry you, or you can marry yourselves) We tried finding ways to compromise, but they wanted to include readings about god and such, which to me would have made the ceremony a sham. We did not want to have something as serious as a commitment ceremony tainted by things we just don't believe in. In the end, we did it our way, completely non-religious, and it was great. Everyone -even the old religious relatives- said it was a beautiful ceremony. In the end I say do what's true to you- this is your marriage after all.

FTR- my mom read the Irish blessing at the reception as her toast- it was nice for the older and religious relatives, I just didn't want it in the ceremony.

We had a few aspects of our wedding included just to please family...compromise is more important to starting a good marriage than "ah, screw you, it's our wedding, get over it."

Julie, I've been going to mass with my H's family for 3 years now anytime we visit and I have yet to see anyone take sacrament. We don't even stay for sacrament. We come in late, and leave early. I don't think any of them have taken confession in years. On the other hand - there are 4 generations of Lutheran pastors in my family, including my own dad. My mom is president of the ladies aid. Let's say we are "active" in our faith lol. But the ILs still wanted us to have a Catholic wedding instead of a Lutheran wedding, which made no sense to me or H either. For some families it's more about culture or pride than the actual religion.

Even if it doesn't make any sense to you, I would make some gesture if you can, as long as it doesn't go against your own beliefs. My earlier point was just, know your audience so you're not expecting applause if it's not going to happen.

Believe me. I understand.

Fiance was raised Catholic.... but he doesn't practice nor does he really believe. I wasn't really raised with any religious beliefs but I do have memories of going to church (Catholic) with my grandparents (both my dads side and moms side)... and I also went to Baptist Church for a little while when I was in maybe 2nd grade with my best friend. Other than that.... nothing.

We're aiming for as nonreligious ceremony as possile. The lady who is marrying us is a Reverend (whatever religion that follows under) but performs nonreligous ceremonies as well. Thankfully no one has pushed for a church wedding, because there is just no way that would ever happen.... it'll be outside on a deck overlooking a river (weather permitting of course).

If you want a sample of my simpler non religious ceremony, I'll be happy to send it to you. You can add things like a simple blessing, a psalm or reading or a prayer at the end. The Apache wedding prayer is beautiful, as are any number of Celtic prayers.

Just PM me.