Zoom call gone bad

View Quoted Comment Yes exactly. Yesterday we hit the 5 month mark. I was so excited. I still feel like the wedding is going to happen in September. I know I'm a bit more sensitive and emotional right now. But to say no weddings should happen isn't ok. I think I'm just disappointed with this whole situation. I didnt know a pandemic was going to happen but it did or is. It will get better.

View Quoted Comment Same here. I have my good days and bad days, but I’ve been really emotional these past few days. Like I had been doing a lot of decor planning last week and getting really excited. But then today for some reason I just felt really hopeless and didn’t want to think about the wedding at all. I’m trying to not let myself get too stressed out yet - we are really lucky we have time. I just hate all the uncertainty. It’s driving me nuts!

View Quoted Comment Same here. Today is a bad day for me too. I think the thing yesterday got me down. Last week I was doing good. Hoping it starts getting better this week. I'm trying not to stress either, I addressed all of my invites this weekend.

I know its difficult but I would try to not take it too harshly right now. You mentioned she has kids, she may be going crazy with worry and stress over their health, schooling, etc. and maybe just let all of that get the better of her.

I am so sorry you're dealing with this. This is not remotely fair to you. You're irresponsible because you're going to work?! It's important that necessary workers continue to operate or our society will collapse! Certain goods and services are just necessary for our quality of life and you should not let anyone make you feel guilty for it! I'm still working and I know that's a risk, but I know my work is important and my FH is furloughed so it's especially important that I work so we have money coming in because when all this is over we don't want to be bankrupted or evicted. They can't support anyone getting married THIS YEAR?! I'm sorry, do they know what the future holds?! Do they know whether this will still be an issue in September? What about December? Of course, it could get worse. There could be a second wave. If that's the case, by all means we will handle that accordingly and cancel or postpone our event but to say that no matter what happens they won't support those couples is just offensive. This is all so fundamentally unfair to you as a couple. I hope you know that you're not doing anything wrong. Hang in there.

Unfortunately a lot of people are lashing out during this time, likely because of stress, fear, and lack of control. I definitely don't think it was okay for her to judge you. That sucks. Luckily I have not had anyone say similar things to me, but I do accept that people can make their own decisions regarding attending my wedding, whenever it actually happens :-(

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I have no clue but if they have a crystal ball I would love to see it lol. Same situation here, my FH is not working. I am, we need the income right now. The situation could get worse but we don't know if that will be the case. We will handle it the way it needs to be handled. We have a plan if things don't work out for the wedding we have planned; I'm hopeful and feeling positive it won't come to that but the plan is there if need be.

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I know, and his sister is a person who always needs to be in control. I already drive her nuts to begin with; I'm usually a very positive person and choose to look on the brighter side. She is more of a negative nancy no matter the situation. I am just going to ignore her for right now; I was so down yesterday I don't want to be again.

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Exactly! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for our date. All positive thoughts! But, worst case scenario, we'll deal with it. It's one thing to say that they aren't comfortable coming but to make judgments about you based on the requirement that you work or an event that's still months away is just not okay. They aren't offering to pay your bills and they are not in the process of planning their wedding during an epidemic so their opinions are unsolicited and unwelcome. I would just avoid speaking with them about the wedding or Covid-19. If it comes up, feel free to tell them that if they are uncomfortable attending you'll be disappointed, but you'll understand or that you'll make the decision of whether the wedding will occur closer to the date. I'm not sure what your situation is, but we have a stay at home order and I've been hassled by a couple people about not being "necessary" as a public defender. Personally, I like to mention that I'm not interested in hearing their opinions about whether my job is necessary or whether my actions are irresponsible. I'm obeying all laws and guidelines established by the Governor of Indiana, and frankly, his opinion is the only one that's relevant. It's not my responsibility to justify myself.

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Our stay at home order is in place till April 26th I think for Wisconsin. I know a few people that know where I work think I should be at home (law firm too). A few offices in my area are closed or the workers are working from home. We are a small office with 5 employees with a lot of space between offices. We disinfect everything, including mail. I have unfollowed some of my FH's cousins on social media. They post about how they do everything right, to me it's like ok great that you are but why post about it? I have just taken to just not even posting or saying anything just seems like the better idea. We hadn't even told my FSIL I was still working until Easter because we knew she would have an opinion on it.

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I hear you. I'm in a very similar situation. We're an office of 8 people, but two people are immuno-compromised so they've opted to stay at home. We're doing everything possible to teleconference and zoom when we can, but some days we still have to go in to court (which are officially closed, but still holding emergency hearings). It seems like you're being very smart in minimizing your interactions with them.

You have learned something: you can never discuss politics, religion, or any controversial topic with a group when one or more people present are not adult enough, or open minded enough, to consider that there may be more than one legitimate viewpoint, and that blowing up, name calling or insulting anyone who disagrees is the act of a spoiled and self centered child, whether they are 8, 13, 25 or 73. In the future, refuse to discuss anything controversial, and if asked why, tell her, in a civil but clear way. I have a few sisters-in-law, Hubby's sisters, or his brothers' wives, or my own brother's wife, who are like this. I have strong opinions, so do most of my family, and Hubby's family too. And of our 4 parents, 20 siblings and their 19 spouses and one FI, there are only four people who can never have a discussion where people are spirited in their discussions, but be respectful of the fact that others see things differently. So they can walk away from any topic that is emotionally charged agreeing to disagree, with no insults, no personal attacks , no raised voices . And I won't get in any group discussion with them, and have learned to say I won't discuss certain things with them. And when they push and push, I say straight out: in every discussion, with anyone, most especially family, you start like you are fighting a battle, and the goal is to win at all costs, no matter who gets hurt along the way. And I don't live by those rules, and won't get involved. Period, walk away. I got a kick out of one of my daughters, little pitchers have big ears stuff. She asked, so is it true, if you get mad and call someone names you get a divorce? And gentle questioning revealed that she heard her 3 grandmothers talking about the fact that it is no surprise 4 people have had multiple divorces after very short marriages, while everyone else seems able to work things through. Yeah, these same 4 people. You are not in a position to change them. But you can learn to not even get into discussions with these people present. My sympathy. Keep strong boundaries of what discourse you will accept, and what you won't. It is fine for other people to present logical reasons why they disagree with your viewpoint. And for each of you to evaluate your own opinions now and then. Maybe revise them, may still stand with them. But adults who behave like spoiled children, and attack animals, are not worth talking to .

Expressing concern is one thing but to blatantly say you are irresponsible was very unkind. I'm sure if you are going into your office, then there is a good reason for it. People still need to work to pay the bills. It's even worse that she expressed herself in this way given that many brides are stressed out to begin with and all of the summer/fall brides have added stress with the concerns of the coronavirus. Just hang in there, you are not alone with the stress and drama.

Wisconsin bride here as well!
I have to say, how awful that they are making you feel bad about your choices. Do they not realize it is not easy to postpone when you have multiple vendors and deposits?
Sending good vibes your way! Everything will work out for the best