You Can't Sit With Us (How to politely tell people they aren't invited...)

AlmostPrang lol you are my people

Elizabeth k. I'm literally the least rude person. I literally wrote this thread because i didnt want to be rude and inconsiderate by leaving people out and was asking for feedback. The title of my post is a popular quote from a funny movie. It's a joke. Not necessary for you to judge my character. A simple no would have sufficed. Thanks anyway.

Listen, as much as it might seem impossible to believe, not everyone wants to attend a wedding. I doubt the non-invitees are so hurt or confused that they will only be emotionally soothed after receiving a personal "you weren't invited because..." letter. It's actually a rather hideous idea that has its roots in the realm of wedding fantasy. Honestly, most people who aren't invited will respond -- at worst -- by saying, "Really? They're getting married and we weren't invited? Whatever". Unless you're talking about your sister, brother, mother, or father, the people who didn't make the final cut will shake off the idea of your wedding as quickly as they forget the date. No offense intended, but seriously, it's just a wedding.

PLEASE, do not write to anyone who isn't invited. Doing so would make you look like someone who believes every non-guest needs to be let down easily. They don't. Their lives will go on without your personal note explaining why they didn't make the cut. Seriously, most people are not that invested in another couple's wedding. Leave all of them alone.

Personally, I wouldn't write them. But, that's completely up to you! If it comes up in conversation, I would just mention that it's a small, intimate wedding! Good luck!!

Lindsay, the people in your universe, not you, would be the best witnesses as to your rudeness. What you suggested is very rude, but I'm making a decision to believe that you've just fallen into the trap of believing that your wedding is the event of the...whatever. Judging your character? You asked the question, and it's one I haven't seen presented on this forum in the several years that I've been here. Repeating -- leave the non-guests alone. It really is in your best interest.

@Lindsay I recognize the quote, which is why I find it rude when applied to people you're not inviting to your wedding. Just my opinion, but I thought it was in poor taste.

Maybe rudeness isn't the correct term to describe it. Perhaps misinformed on "wedding etiquette." Which is literally the reason why I asked before even seriously considering the idea. This is all new to me. I obviously didn't know and had good intentions behind my thinking. I don't think that my wedding is the event of "whatever" because it's really not. It's small, intimate and not extravagant in the least. I was told by a family member that these specific people would be upset if not invited. So i was simply trying to get ahead of the "I'm disappointed why wasn't i invited conversation" if that even actually occurs because some people don't like confrontation and could just avoid the situation altogether and remain uncomfortable for no reason. Elizabeth - I agree it would be in poor taste for people without a sense of humor, which I personally know none. This is my first time posting on this site and I really just needed guidance. I didn't expect such harsh words from fellow brides (and 1 vendor) who are all going through the same experience together. Most of you answered in a very respectful and helpful manner. To those people, thank you.

Lindsay, I too have had a lot of people casually mention "we'll do XYZ at your wedding!" I just smile along, without telling them sorry, but you didn't make my guest list....

They'll find out when we send out invitations. If they have a problem with it or are rude enough to bring it up to us, then I'll be doubly glad we didn't invite them.

The only etiquette you need is to 1) Don't invite anyone to a bridal shower or bachelorette party that isn't invited to the wedding and 2) Be gracious and don't talk about your wedding in detail in front of people you're not inviting.

I'm having that problem right now; we've chosen to invite only my boss and one other person from work (a woman that invited us to her wedding and I talk to quite often). However, there's another coworker that recently got married, LOVES weddings, and would love to hear all the details of our wedding. I just won free tickets to a bridal show and I know she would be thrilled to attend it with me, but I don't think I can take her to that, and then turn around and not invite her to the wedding. So I'm rambling now, but in short, the idea is that you just need to avoid giving someone the impression that they will get an invite when they won't, but you shouldn't ever need to say a word about whether they will or will not receive one. The invite (or lackthereof) should do the talking for you.