Would you change your date bc of the best man?

On wait. You booked in November... They're rescheduling from Covid. I'd consider moving the date and try to make that happen because it matters to your fiancé. In fact I moved mine when after 6 months my fiancé's family realized there was a graduation that day for his niece. People matter more than dates. You really should try. Or you're saying what matters to him doesn't matter to you.

I would keep the date.

We postponed our wedding because of the best man. He was the tipping point for postponing. Obviously there were a lot more pressing reasons, but my fiance refused to not have his best man there 🤷‍♀️

I would not change your date. He said yes to being the best man knowing your wedding date. It is very unfortunate that the other couple had to reschedule, but he made a commitment to you on that May date. In my opinion, he should be at your wedding in May, not the other couples.

I feel like the best man is in the wrong here. Your wedding was scheduled first on that date. I would be heartbroken if that were my maid of honor, so I guess it depends on how upset you’re groom would be and how much you’ve invested into your date.

I am trying to think of a nice way to word this. My maid of honor and his best man would move heaven and earth to be there for us, but if one of them told us that we had to move our date for a different wedding, I would be insulted. I understand that COVID has made it hard to get venues and forced dates to move; however, the wedding is not about the best man. It’s about sharing something special with friends and family who love you and your person. If I were in that situation, my fiancé would weigh the pros and cons, but the thing that would weigh on us most heavily is the people we’ve told. I have family coming from out of state, booking hotels and renting cars, everyone of them would have to rearrange plans for one person who obviously does not care about you guys enough to put his foot down with the other couple. He’s already made it clear that he doesn’t care about you guys as much as the other couple, so should that person really be the best man? And you may not have to think about people coming from out of town, but what about your vendors? As someone who’s done wedding photography, if I were doing it during COVID-19 I would be livid if someone changed a date for something other than illness or serious emergency because I already had to change enough and it would probably reflect in my photos that I was upset. (My mom said the same thing as someone who used to cater and make cakes). I’m not saying all vendors are like that, but they’ve lost a lot of money recently and it can add extra stress and affect work. Switching a date for no good reason seems short sighted, but you also shouldn’t be totally married to a date (especially with all that’s going on).

I understand.... my best friend/cousin was asked to be a bridesmaid 3 months ago and she just found out she is pregnant. Her due date is set for 13 days before the wedding (2/20/21). She just told me she won’t be able to be in the bridal party, yet alone even come.. She is scared about Covid and bringing it home to a newborn. She also mentioned she will be keeping my aunt and uncle away from the baby two weeks after the wedding too. I can’t imagine her feelings right now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy for her but I’m also so heartbroken that I won’t get to share my special day with her. But I wouldn’t move my date just for her to be in it. So you definitely have a hard decision to make because I am struggling with figuring out how to “replace her” to make our sides even but don’t change the date for just one person. IMO

I wouldn’t change my date. The couple rescheduling should have discussed changing the date with their WP, and the BM should have said something to them. I get that a lot of couples are scrambling to reschedule, but the BM pretty much just said “I know your wedding was scheduled first, but this other wedding is a priority to me.” Which is fine, I get if it’s family or something, but you’re probably looking at 2022 or a weekday wedding if you postpone now with all the rescheduling of 2020 weddings into 2021.

Due to Covid my FH’s original BM can’t make it to the wedding, and my FH said he’d rather just promote his GM to BM. He wishes his best friend could make it, but there’s no guarantee even if we did postpone because as long as the US is handling Covid this way the BM would have to be quarantined when going back home (if he could even go back.)
Good luck!

She replied earlier that they hadn't asked him to be BM yet or not officially. And he has been friends with the other from since childhood.


The BM did nothing wrong here.

This is a unique situation, i think. For me, we had to change things around because our Best Man (my highschool sweetheart and his brother from another mother kind of deal because of how close they were) passed away suddenly. We wouldnt have even been together if it wasnt for him. but thanks to his passing, we had to change things up. For me, I think you need to weigh the pros and cons of everything, If you picked the date first then stick with it. Obviously there is some significance with it and its important to the both of you. As for the other couple. Understandably so, Your best man, also promised to be the best man at their wedding. But that was when it was different dates and was doable. Now my question is this, is the other couple something significant to the best man? like a family member or something close to that? If so, then yes, it would be a little much to make him pick your wedding over theirs. Has the new invitations been sent for both weddings? Is there time still to change either date? But if not, then your best man has a decision to make himself. I know with me and my SO we have a backup for everyone because we know that life can sometimes get in the way and things happen. I think you both need to sit down and talk about it together, then sit and talk with your Best Man and ask how he feels about the situation and then plan accordingly.

View Quoted Comment

They asked him just not formally in person which is why I think these proposal gift/boxes and stuff can cause these issues. The minute you discussed that he was going to be you BM even if it isn't in person you asked.

View Quoted Comment From the OP:
"To be fair to the BM - my FH wasn’t able to formally ask in person before we went into isolation. The BM was asked informally (knowing what he was going to be asked and for when) but they agreed to wait to formally address it in person with one another. We for one could’ve been a bit more adamant about it - I guess we just never really considered a mixup like this could ever happen.
The BM called me up in tears when he realized. I’m not sure if he was ever asked his availability - and idk if we made a big enough deal about it (cause it’s still 10mo away) for him to have noticed it when it mattered. So it’s just been a series of unfortunate events."

View Quoted Comment

Right he was asked informally. There isn't a formal and informal TO ME so he knew that he was his BM and when the date was is all I am saying.

She wasn't sure I'd he was even asked if he was available. The BM isn't the bad guy here. He needs to know the date and agree then maybe. But hey we're engaged I want you to be best man - isn't enough. Save the dates haven't been sent. The first wedding is with a childhood friend whine this friendship is from college. I'd try to move it. Mine has been moved often - there's no harm in trying.

I would not change the date. He knew the date and committed to you all first. He should have told the other friends that he was already scheduled to be in a wedding that day. It sucks that his other friends had to postpone, but you'd already arranged the May 2021 date since November 2019. He shouldn't have done that. Just my opinion!

At 8 months or more out, I would consider a date change, for a very few close relatives and fewer friends ( not even all sibs.) But then, we were only engaged 5 months, and planned the entire formal, everything we wanted within budget wedding, in 4.5 months.
My FI and a super clise friend, both from NYC, each met, dated, and got engaged right after grad school, in different areas. And picked the same wedding date. Too hard to change, at 4 monts out, given that FI and I, and other groom, had multiple family weddings that summer. We married same night, 12 miles apart. I gave acouples shower for them, other groom organized hubby's bachelor weekend. Widespread family were too hard to change, as were other wedding party choices who had conflicts. It turned out, FI friend fiancé was an old neighbor of mine. We are close now, with no bad feeling that each chose a new Best Man rather than change dates do they could do it for each other. If your date has no conflicts for anyone else really important, that is practically magic in May, what with it being a big graduations and baby month, as well as popular for weddings. If you hold on to in, no one should be offended. It happens. We cannot always be our friends' first choices. But ask if he would like to be included in any wedding parties, like groom's bachelor party.