Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Just Said Yes May 2021

Would you change your date bc of the best man?

Nicole, on July 8, 2020 at 4:03 PM Posted in Community Conversations 1 36

Saved

Flag
Hide content

Hi Ladies,

So yesterday we were faced with a unique problem. We booked our venue in November before the pandemic for May 2021. I’ve been feeling pretty lucky that we were booked on such a great date next year, especially (and unfortunately) having to watch so many brides postpone.
But yesterday the best man let us know that another friend of his (who he is also the best man in their wedding) had to postpone their wedding due to COVID and that they re-booked... on our wedding date. Meaning he could no longer be the best man in our wedding or even attend.
My fiancé was HEARTBROKEN and of course was asking me what our options are. He asked if we could change our date, but I’m really struggling with the thought of it. Part of me thinks it’s absurd to change the date with less than a year to go and that it would make planning more difficult than it already is. We have this ideal date (that hopefully won’t be affected by this pandemic) and we’re giving it up? The other part of me loves him so much and knows that it could be something we sacrifice so his friend can be there and be his best man. But selfishly, I just can’t get past really not wanting to go down that path and find out how many other things may be impacted by a date change.
He asked what I would do if this happened to my maid of honor, and unfortunately “she would never let that happen, she has this date tattooed in her brain” was just not the right answer. It is SUCH a unique situation and I’m just at a loss.
Any advice?

Flag
Hide content

36 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on July 13, 2020 at 4:46 PM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 8, 2020 at 4:11 PM
Flag

Hide content
Heck no, i would not change it just cause of him.
if it was me i wouldn't change it just because my best friend couldn't go.
- Reply
Super May 2021
Stacey · on July 8, 2020 at 4:17 PM
Flag

Hide content
Just curious, why are you so anchored to this particular date? Does it have special significance to you? Have you already had things printed? Just curious since you mentioned a couple times what a great date it was. Depending on how many vendors you have booked already, I don't see the harm in reaching out to the venue to see if it's even possible - my guess is they are probably fully booked next Spring due to weddings postponed from this year, so it would make it easier to explain to your fiance on why changing the date isn't possible. That might make him feel better that you at least explored it for him. And if it is possible, would a week or two really make a difference? If you were talking months, then I would agree with you that would be a no-go for me.
- Reply
June 2021
Dj Tanner · on July 8, 2020 at 4:19 PM
Flag

Hide content
So basically, this best man is choosing someone else’s wedding over your wedding even though yours was scheduled on that date before the other couples? If I’m understanding this correctly he’s not really a best man at that point. I understand your fiancé really wants this person to be there but do you think there may be anyone else he could choose? If you’ve already booked all of your vendors it’s probably going to be a real struggle for you to change and get them all on the same date now. You may end up having to find different vendors. Also keep in mind you do have the rest of your bridal party to consider. By rebooking it may cause some of your people to have scheduling issues. Even guests if you’ve already sent out save the dates. I’m surprised that the other couple didn’t consult the date change with their bridal party first, but I understand it’s Covid and so as far as cooking goes it’s slim Pickens right now. Considering all of that, I think you have to ask yourself are you willing to risk all of that just to have one person attend the wedding?
- Reply
Rockstar July 2022
Lisa · on July 8, 2020 at 4:31 PM
Flag

Hide content
I agree, if that were the only reason, I wouldn't change it - unless if you were able to find a new date within a couple weeks of your current date, and all of your vendors and venue were available and willing to switch, then switching might be easy. Otherwise, for one person to be able to attend, that's a lot of things to move, and you'd have to decide if it's worth it. And by switching, you risk someone else in the wedding party not being able to attend on the new date. It's a lot to consider, but only you and your fiance can decide if it's worth it. It may be helpful for you to reach out to the venue and vendors first to get information to see if they would allow you to reschedule with no penalty, and if so, what dates each of them have open.
- Reply
June 2021
Dj Tanner · on July 8, 2020 at 4:36 PM
Flag

Hide content
So I just read this to my FH, and he brought up a very good point. You would think that the best man would have at least mentioned that he was going to be the best man in another wedding in 2021. He is after all, the best man to that couples wedding so one would think that they’d be pretty close and talk. Also it’s kind of hard to believe that The couple picked a new date without consulting with the bridal party first. Think about it if you had to change your date wouldn’t you consult about the date change with your bridal party? Wouldn’t you remember that someone in your bridal party is in another wedding? I’d be careful with this one. What if something else comes up got him if you end up changing your date?
- Reply
March 2022
Sweetness · on July 8, 2020 at 4:43 PM
Flag

Hide content
This is a tough situation. For me I would have to weigh up the pros and cons for each scenario. I love my man more than anything, and I'd do whatever I could for him, so long as it was feasible. But, if I'd already booked most of the vendors and the majority of guests are happy with the date I'd already planned for, I honestly wouldn't find the decision that simple. I hate having to redo things and change all my plans because it stresses me out and it's overwhelming. Trying to move multiple vendors and guests is a big deal in my book.
Personally, I would change the date, but that is based on our micro wedding plans. If it was a larger event, I wouldn't be so keen.
- Reply
Super November 2019
Mrs. S · on July 8, 2020 at 4:54 PM
Flag

Hide content
No I would keep your date.
- Reply
Master October 2020
Margaret · on July 8, 2020 at 5:05 PM
Flag

Hide content
I personally would not change the date, the best man committed to your date and now changed his mind due to another wedding now planned for your date- I’d say BM has other priorities and time to find a new BM
- Reply
Expert October 2021
Samantha · on July 8, 2020 at 5:57 PM
Flag

Hide content
Have to agree with PPs. Why is your wedding automatically cut from his agenda? He has his prerogative, you have yours. Keep your date. I feel for your FH, not cool on the part of his friend. Hope that he can move on from this with out too much difficulty.
- Reply
Super October 2020
Michelle · on July 8, 2020 at 6:13 PM
Flag

Hide content
I wouldn’t. My fiancé’s best man’s wife might go into labor on our wedding day but he’s not moving it lol. My sister seems to be uncomfortable being in public, if she didn’t attend my wedding I would be sad but the wedding wild still be on.
- Reply
VIP June 2019
Hanna · on July 8, 2020 at 6:14 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

I completely agree with all of this!!!
- Reply
Super April 2021
Tiger Bride · on July 8, 2020 at 7:06 PM
Flag

Hide content
We postponed to next spring and when we identified the backup date, we told all of the bridal party before we rebooked so they could let us know if they had conflicts. Maybe this was the only date the couple could get, but I would think they'd have been somewhat flexible to make sure the best man could attend. For his part, the best man should be attending your wedding, since he made that commitment first. Just my 2 cents.
- Reply
Super October 2021
Ashley · on July 8, 2020 at 7:39 PM
Flag

Hide content
Personally, I’d be more hurt that this person chose the other wedding instead. I understand he was caught in the middle and had to make a hard choice, but that doesn’t make it any easier.
You had your date first, so no, I wouldn’t change it. You could easily lose vendors by moving the date, possibly lose deposits, etc. 2021 dates are booking fast. Our photographer, for example, is completely booked through the spring and summer already. I’m not sure I’d take that risk. My FH is in a wedding that was postponed a year, and the whole bridal party was asked if there were any dates that absolutely would not work for them. It’s not your fault this other couple didn’t consult the bridal party before rescheduling. If rescheduling is something you want to do, you could send some emails to your vendors just to see if it would even be a possibility. Would all of your vendors be available on the same day? Would you lose money? Would any aspects of your wedding have to majorly change? These are all things to consider.
- Reply
Just Said Yes May 2021
Nicole · on July 8, 2020 at 8:03 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
No special significance - just a prime Sat night date when the weather is just right and it was considerate of other conflicts within the bridal party.

To be fair to the BM - my FH wasn’t able to formally ask in person before we went into isolation. The BM was asked informally (knowing what he was going to be asked and for when) but they agreed to wait to formally address it in person with one another. We for one could’ve been a bit more adamant about it - I guess we just never really considered a mixup like this could ever happen.
The BM called me up in tears when he realized. I’m not sure if he was ever asked his availability - and idk if we made a big enough deal about it (cause it’s still 10mo away) for him to have noticed it when it mattered. So it’s just been a series of unfortunate events.
Just wanted to say - Your advice really stood out to me and I’ve decided it’s what I plan to do. You phrased it perfectly, I know it will make him feel better if I at least explore it for him. Our save-the-dates go out next month so if there was ever a time to address it, now is right. My FH is more selfless than I and I think while it’s stressing me out thinking about the possibility, it’s the least I can do to see him happy on our day.
- Reply
Just Said Yes May 2021
Nicole · on July 8, 2020 at 8:14 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
These are all the thoughts that ran threw my head when my fiancé asked me to see if we could potentially swap the date LOL! Helps me feel a little less crazy about all of the anxiety it brought on.

I definitely didn’t share the whole story about the situation. As I’m sure it is with most brides, this pandemic has really put a stunt on our planning and we’re not as far ahead as we thought we’d be but we’re 10 months out, so in some ways we’re lucky.
The BM wasn’t formally asked because my fiancé wasn’t able to do it in person before we went into isolation. They addressed it with each other very informally over the phone. We should’ve been more on top of it.
The other thing is: it happens to be the BM’s best friend from childhood and my fiancé is his best friend from college. He called me up in tears when he realized the mishap but I wouldn’t wish his situation upon anyone. Both of us fully understand why he would have to choose the other wedding, which is why I think my fiancé truly wants us to weigh out all of our options.
It’s a really unique situation that I feel only 2020 would understand lol.
- Reply
Just Said Yes May 2021
Nicole · on July 8, 2020 at 8:17 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
This was great advice! Thank you, I think that’s what I’ve planned to do.

Couldn’t hurt to just show him that I explored it (even though, my mind is kind of already made up lol)
- Reply
June 2021
Dj Tanner · on July 8, 2020 at 8:20 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Well if that’s the case than move it out for sure. Basically as long as it doesn’t mess up your situation.
- Reply
Just Said Yes May 2021
Nicole · on July 8, 2020 at 8:22 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
This is great advice and I was absolutely feeling overwhelmed by it, exactly as you described. My fiancé really is so selfless and I know he’d do it for me. We also have a very small group of friends, so I know if I explore it - I can at least say I tried to make sure the most important people were there that day. Luckily there’s only a few vendors to sort it out with, but sounds like you’re like me - I just hate going back on the things I’ve already solidified.

He’s in agreement - we won’t budge if it’s any more than a few weeks difference. We’ve been together 8 years - I’m gonna leave him if he makes me wait any longer LOL just kidding!
Thanks!
- Reply
Master October 2021
Mrs.a · on July 8, 2020 at 9:38 PM
Flag

Hide content
I would change the date.
- Reply

VIP May 2020
Jai · on July 8, 2020 at 9:40 PM
Flag

Hide content
Def keep your date, I wouldn't change it for one person because what if you changed it and he couldn't attend that? Do what makes you two happy
- Reply

Speeches & Traditions How to Write a Best Man Speech in 9 Simple Steps Been tasked to write a best man speech and not sure where to start? Follow these...

Wedding Party 26 Best Man Gift Ideas for Your Number One Guy Show your gratitude for his top-notch best man duties with these thoughtful...

Shopping for a Husband Who Has Everything? These Are the Best Gifts — Married Life Shopping for a Husband Who Has Everything? These Are the... What do you get for the husband who has everything? That's easy: One of these...

Post content has been hidden

Would you change your date bc of the best man?

36 Comments

Related articles