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Rachel
Dedicated September 2021

Would this bother you? Future mother in law has no boundaries

Rachel, on June 13, 2021 at 6:44 AM

Posted in Family and Relationships 31

So my FH has four kids and I have one kid that is 14. FMIL was here the other day because she wanted to take his two boys for clothes - so she asked to see what they have already. We were in basement and I had a hamper of my stuff and a hamper of the girls ( my daughter and his two girls ). She said...
So my FH has four kids and I have one kid that is 14. FMIL was here the other day because she wanted to take his two boys for clothes - so she asked to see what they have already. We were in basement and I had a hamper of my stuff and a hamper of the girls ( my daughter and his two girls ). She said I’ll just take these hampers and wash it all at home and bring it back. I said no it’s ok I’m trying to get my daughter to do her own for an allowance. And also she borrows my stuff constantly so half of my stuff is in their hamper. I said I’m real particular about my clothes - I said I don’t dry anything. She ended up taking the boys hamper and coming back couple days with it.


I happened to be out an appt and she randomly showed up at the house- my daughter was there. She took the hamper .. ( which had a bunch of clothes of mine ) she also moved my bathing suit off a shelf I had it on.. and put towels there. I came home and saw a load of clothes washing on warm.
I called my FH and said can you please handle this !?? I don’t want my clothes being transported or my daughters. It’s weird. Well she came back with hamper and was sooo mad. Now she won’t speak to me. I texted and explained how I’m just particular with clothes etc. but she’s not replying. Idk Is this weird ? She also takes the kids clothes home that don’t for them and stores it there for the next one .. not sure why we can’t keep them ?

31 Comments

  • Rachel
    Dedicated September 2021
    Rachel ·
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    Agree. Sadly I have a house and it’s too small for us all. It’s being rented. He has four kids I have one. And his ex won’t remove his name from their house years after finalized divorce. It’s all a mess
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    That is so wrong and such a red flag. My heart hurts and is angry for you that you are being so disrespected, even by your own fiancé. Maybe you need to be the one to stand up to her and lay down the law because he isn’t.

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  • L
    Lisa ·
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    There are other options besides the 2 mentioned here. Money and names in titles are a hurdle to overcome. It truly doesn’t have to be this way. Best of luck.
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  • Brittany
    Dedicated June 2021
    Brittany ·
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    I don't understand how, as a woman, she doesn't know this already. My FH once thought he'd do something nice for me while I was away for the weekend and washed my clothes. All of them together: bras, jeans, sweaters, socks, he even thought he'd be efficient and throw the dirty cleaning rags from the laundry room in with them. In hot water of course, and then put them in the dryer just like he does his laundry. When I got home and saw what had happened I thought I was going to have a stroke. I was trying to not yell at him because he was just trying to be nice, but I wanted to scream and freak out. Needless to say some things were ruined. Most guys don't get how particular women are about their laundry so your FH probably doesn't understand why it's a big deal to you. But as a woman she totally knows, it's just a power play for her.

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  • Rachel
    Dedicated September 2021
    Rachel ·
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    I think you’re right. How does she not know ? She even said I’ll take your daughters stuff too and I specifically said that day no it’s ok. I am really particular how I do it. Yet she came two days later and took the hamper anyway. It’s unbelievable to me. And how she won’t speak to me ???


    And how he is acting is so wrong. He needs to defend us. Especially me. I don’t even understand why she’s buying their clothes and why he can’t. He did say she always bought their clothes so maybe it’s control thing. I think he’s also spoiled.
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  • Rachel
    Dedicated September 2021
    Rachel ·
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    Wow I would freak. My FH knows how I am cause I told him many times don’t ever do my laundry. Yet he says I should have controlled my emotions. It’s easier to control them if u have someone standing up for you.
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  • Natalie
    Super November 2020
    Natalie ·
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    I’d be upset, too, if MIL took my clothes to her house to wash for a few reasons. 1. I’m particular about how my laundry is done. 2. Invasion of privacy. 3. It insinuates I’m unable to keep a clean house. It’s terrible that your FH doesn’t come to your defense, ESPECIALLY since it seems like the majority of the laundry is from him and his kids. Based on your previous comments about his parents buying the boots, etc., it makes me think his mother has done more of these tasks for him than he has been willing to admit. Since he doesn’t want to address it, maybe your best bet would be to have an honest conversation with her.
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  • Judith
    Judith ·
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    Ask your husband. This may have been fine when he was on his own. You need a new who- does- what agreement with MIL. And maybe some compromise on your part as well as hers. I have an auntie who would take over, and do many things around the house, and do them differently. But before scolding, I look at the amount of time she spends with 2-5 kids, whether we need child care, or simply so we can go out, or have someone there while we get things done around the house. And I tell myself she has nearly as much investment as I do in some types of housekeeping. And if we want a willing volunteer who is free, gives our kids lots of attention, and takes a group so we can be 1:1, And I find that it does not matter how towels are folded, though there is no compromise on dryer sheets with allergies. Right now your MIL is mad. And not spending time with kids or housekeeping. So, half the country or more uses dryers. Is and FH kids clothes has been done that way. Why can't just yours and hubby's, put in different bags, not get machine dried. And the rest get it? Other compromise s are possible, if DH wants them and has supported them in the past. You don't just come in and throw herout if what she was doing was fine with DH, you work things out.
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  • Rachel
    Dedicated September 2021
    Rachel ·
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    Yea I kinda think so too. And yea it totally insinuates I’m incapable or not doing it to her standard. Just so insulting. I’m glad I’m not wrong for feeling so upset. I need him to talk to her but according to him saying bring the hamper back there’s an issue was enough. Oh he admitted it doesn’t matter to him either way. Welll he needs to respect I don’t want my clothes and daughters clothes being gone through and taken out of the home. He said he dealt with her
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  • Courtney
    Expert September 2022
    Courtney ·
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    This whole thing weirds me out.

    Why is she coming over to take laundry in the first place? It makes no sense. Like, I get as a grandparent taking the kids out to go shopping for new stuff, that's fine if you want to. But it's on you? If I ask you to take my kid shopping I'll give you money for it.

    You're adults living in your own homes, you can take care of the house and laundry and all other chores without help from his mom. The umbilical cord has been cut for a long time, it's time to stop wishing it'll grow back.

    FMIL needs to know she's not welcome in the home without checking in first, and she's not welcome to take/move things around while she's there beyond common sense. She's way overstepped her boundaries, and it's time to reestablish them.

    You have to talk to FH and determine what those boundaries will be first, and then you need to communicate them to FMIL together.

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  • Rachel
    Dedicated September 2021
    Rachel ·
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    I know it’s so strange to me I can’t wrap my head around it. Background : he has four kids , 2 boys 2 girls. I have one 15 year old daughter. She came over Wednesday wanting to take the boys for summer clothes but insisted that I show her all their clothes they have. - she said even if they’re in dryer or dirty show me all so I know what I need to buy. I told her they barely have anything. Yet she still made me show her .. she took the stuff that didn’t fit the older boy home tp store for the younger boy - wasn’t sure why we couldn’t keep them ? She went shopping and came back and said I can take the laundry for you. I said no it’s fine. My daughter does the girls and her own and earns allowance. Also she borrows my stuff so my stuff ends up in there and I’m particular how I do my stuff.
    Well she left with the boys hamper and said I’ll drop it off soon. FH just went along even tho I said To him is this necessary ??

    She done by Friday - I’m out. My daughter is home. She takes her hamper and says is it ok if I take this .. she doesn’t text or ask me. I come home and freak. I call FH and he calls and says it’s an issue bring it back - he doesn’t say we don’t need u to do laundry or anything rlse. She comes back with it super mad. I don’t get it. It’s like I’m a moron and I’m not doing laundry to her standards. I tried to talk to her at a bday party the other day and she said let’s move past it. She texted that she will never touch laundry again with a very angry tone. I feel like I’m somehow in the wrong hwre. She also moved my bathing suit off my shelf and had it in a hamper and I had to search for it. It’s so annoying to me
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