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Dedicated September 2021

Would this bother you? Future mother in law has no boundaries

Rachel, on June 13, 2021 at 6:44 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 31

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So my FH has four kids and I have one kid that is 14. FMIL was here the other day because she wanted to take his two boys for clothes - so she asked to see what they have already. We were in basement and I had a hamper of my stuff and a hamper of the girls ( my daughter and his two girls ). She said I’ll just take these hampers and wash it all at home and bring it back. I said no it’s ok I’m trying to get my daughter to do her own for an allowance. And also she borrows my stuff constantly so half of my stuff is in their hamper. I said I’m real particular about my clothes - I said I don’t dry anything. She ended up taking the boys hamper and coming back couple days with it.

I happened to be out an appt and she randomly showed up at the house- my daughter was there. She took the hamper .. ( which had a bunch of clothes of mine ) she also moved my bathing suit off a shelf I had it on.. and put towels there. I came home and saw a load of clothes washing on warm.
I called my FH and said can you please handle this !?? I don’t want my clothes being transported or my daughters. It’s weird. Well she came back with hamper and was sooo mad. Now she won’t speak to me. I texted and explained how I’m just particular with clothes etc. but she’s not replying. Idk Is this weird ? She also takes the kids clothes home that don’t for them and stores it there for the next one .. not sure why we can’t keep them ?

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Latest activity by Rachel, on June 15, 2021 at 9:35 AM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on June 13, 2021 at 6:53 AM
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Yes this would bother me. I just don’t understand why your future MIL thinks it’s her place to take anything out of your house at all. Where does your FH stand on this? This is clearly a boundary issue so if he isn’t going to set boundaries with his mom this might never change.
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VIP October 2022
Samantha · on June 13, 2021 at 7:20 AM
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Yes that would bother me. She knows you didn’t want her to, and she came back when you weren’t there to do it anyway.
This is on your FH to fix - he should tell his mom in no uncertain terms to not do it again. If he wants his mom to do his and his kids’ laundry, he can keep is separate and take it to her.
I would be SO MAD she came into my house and touched stuff. Like change the locks mad.
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Lisa · on June 13, 2021 at 7:23 AM
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She crossed a lot of boundaries; coming into your home, taking things, and doing the laundry after you said no.
Let her be mad. Glad your FH said something. Don’t apologize or try to smooth it over. Next step, have your FH get all your stuff back and change the locks.
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Dedicated September 2021
Rachel · on June 13, 2021 at 8:57 AM
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Well he called that day when I was all worked up - the hamper was half my clothes and my daughters -
Then a few hours later we had plans to go to the pool and my bathing suit was on the shelf where I left it … well it was gone. I said can you ask where she put it ?? I was super worked up at this point .. she was on with him and I’m sure she heard me in the background saying my suit was on shelf and it’s gone ! Anyway it was found in a hamper half hour later with towels.

He said to me well maybe wash the clothes and put them away. Wow I was so mad. Like isnt that defending her ??? He said it was wrong of her but said I need to control my emotions. I got too worked up.
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Master October 2021
Sexypoodle · on June 13, 2021 at 9:16 AM
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Yes, this would be an issue! But it deserves a phone call or in person conversation (and not a text).
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Dedicated September 2021
Rachel · on June 13, 2021 at 10:13 AM
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I tried to call she wouldn’t answer. I saw her yesterday and I said can we talk and her answer her reply was let’s move past it
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Dedicated September 2021
Rachel · on June 13, 2021 at 10:29 AM
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I know I told FH that he needs to handle this stuff. It’s not fair to put it on me. The other day when she took the boys hamper he should have said no we can handle it here. But he didn’t so it led to this.
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VIP October 2022
Samantha · on June 13, 2021 at 10:34 AM
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How he handles it now will set the tone.
Now, maybe there is background that he didn’t fill you in on. Has she always done their laundry and he didn’t tell her that she no longer needed to do it? This is still TOTALLY on him, of course, to manage her.
I am *incredibly* private about my own space, and if I had an *inkling* that I was marrying into type of family where people come over and get involved in my house…oh boy.I just can’t even imagine the gall of her to move your belongings!
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Dedicated September 2021
Rachel · on June 13, 2021 at 10:55 AM
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Ok this makes me feel better cause I felt like maybe I was a jerk. She sent a nasty message saying how she will never touch laundry again. I never experienced anyone going through my clothing or my daughters even. It’s odd to me. And to have the clothes moving to another house to wash is so weird! I mean first of all I do my clothes a certain way - I never dry most of my stuff. Also things can get lost so easily moving around .. it’s not necessary

I came home and clothes were being washed on warm. Three of my shirts .. even if it’s meant to be helpful it’s not right
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VIP October 2022
Samantha · on June 13, 2021 at 10:58 AM
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If her fh has had her taking care of laundry in the past, then he totally dropped the ball by not giving her the heads up.
But also….if he want her to keep doing the wash…maybe be can manage that. Not in a way that makes it extra work for you - he would need to manage making sure it all is ready for her.
But kids need to learn to do laundry. Even tiny ones can sort, etc. It is a huge weight lifted when all the kids are responsible for the own laundry, and the earlier they start helping, the earlier they can take it over!
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Dedicated September 2021
Rachel · on June 13, 2021 at 11:37 AM
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Oh and since this my FH is really rude to me and in a horrible mood. He’s complaining how house needs to be cleaned etc
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Dedicated September 2021
Rachel · on June 13, 2021 at 11:39 AM
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Agree. He said she didn’t do it in past. Apparently she saw baskets and was like oh this needs to get done. My daughter does her own and his two girls since it’s all in same hamper. She earms allowance. And my stuff is often on there since she’s at the age she’s borrowing my stuff. Either way it’s not right
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on June 13, 2021 at 11:40 AM
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That is absolutely ridiculous for her to be so adamant about doing the laundry in the first place. He needs to address this with her to put an end to it and not blame or gaslight you in any way.

What she is doing is a violation of personal space and completely disrespectful.
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Dedicated September 2021
Rachel · on June 13, 2021 at 12:14 PM
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That’s how I feel. And she came back after I said no that’s ok and got it anyway. She didn’t call or text and ask hey do you care ? She asked my daughter is it ok? And she said I think idk.. and then took it. I never heard of anyone having to transport laundry when there’s a working washer and dryer .. even my daughter said to me why can’t we do our own laundry ??

I don’t like how he defended her. He’s usually so against his parents yet now that I need him to defend me he’s not really doing so. He did call and say bring it back there’s an issue. But he never said it’s not right or we don’t want her taking clothes out. Idk if she feels she has the right to take her grandchildren’s clothes back and forth but she’s also takiinf my daughters and mine sinde t he y all get mixed sometimes. There’s 7 people here. It’s impossible. And Theres no wat things won’t get lost if she is to do this sort of thing
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Master October 2021
Sexypoodle · on June 13, 2021 at 1:07 PM
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Yep, she wants to move past it because she KNOWS she was wrong. How horrible. Does she always overstepped boundaries?
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on June 13, 2021 at 1:41 PM
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That is NOT acceptable and is a huge red flag. You and fiancé need to discuss this behavior and he needs to support you in setting and maintaining boundaries with her. Change the locks, get a security system. She needs to have the law laid down. If fiancé defends her behavior and will not put a stop to it, I would walk out tomorrow and call off the relationship because that is a constant violation of your privacy, boundaries, trust, and the list goes on that she doesn’t care about and never will. She demands control and will do anything to get it and keep it.
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Dedicated September 2021
Rachel · on June 13, 2021 at 2:21 PM
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Oh yea. In winter she insisted on getting his boys winter boots cause we had to go sledding .. she bought 140$ in and asked him to pay her back. They were timberland boots. We were gonna get cheap boots sinxe winter was almost over .

A few weeks ago they came by - we were out of town and they asked where are you guys ? According to his sis they sww something that said we were in Florida. They barely would talk to him for three weeks. They own the home and we pay rent. This is part of issue
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Lisa · on June 13, 2021 at 2:24 PM
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Time to find a new home ... before you get married!
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on June 13, 2021 at 2:33 PM
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That should not be an excuse for her to be so freaking controlling. If you decide to stay in this relationship, and only if he starts to defend you instead of mom, you need to move out. Set boundaries with consequences unless you want her behavior to continue. A stop to be be made and he needs to be the one to make it happen, or you are within your rights to leave, because his defense of her behavior is a huge disrespect to you.
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Dedicated September 2021
Rachel · on June 13, 2021 at 2:56 PM
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It’s so wrong. He could have put a stop to it Wednesday when she took the boys hamper. He should have said no to her. But he has no ability to speak up to them. And he basically was defending her saying well if the clothes were put away. I said listen I should be able to do whatever with the clothes. Then he said I didn’t control my emotions and was so worked up. And his mom could hear me in the background all upset when he called her asking where is her bathing suit ? I feel like he should have called and told his mom this is not okay. There has been no conversation still with him and her.
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Would this bother you? Future mother in law has no boundaries

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