Worst Toast You've Ever Heard

The last wedding I went to a woman friend of the groom gave a speech that included the following....

"This is the worst day of my life because I am losing my best friend, not everyone is able to have such an amazing friendship as Levi and I had..."

Then she started balling and blabbing about friendship memories.

At the end she briefly adds "but it's great I guess cause now I have Lexi too".

Turns out she was completely in love with Levi even though for the 5 years of their friendship she swore up and down that she never was and never could be attracted to him.

At my cousins wedding the MOH called the bride a bitch in the speech. We were all like......what? I mean, I'm sure that's just their relationship but to outsiders it was really strange.

The worst one I heard was the MOH saying that she didn't think she'd like the groom because he studied american history and then saying not they can talk about genocide together. We were all like wow.....

Don't remember a bad speech, just a long one. My friend had two maids of honor, and maybe two best-man. can't remember, but I know the two MOHs were 1. Her BFF and 2. Her sister and EACH talked for at least 20 minutes....UGGGGGGH. Glad they were sharing the love, but share it quicker.

This has happened at a couple of different weddings I've been to. Old roommate of the groom gets up and makes a comment that he met the bride because the bride practically moved in with them in college and then continues to elaborate on the extended sleepovers. This gets really awkward really quick in the presence of older relatives.

Not really "bad" but both the MOH/BM gave a very adequate and greatly timed speech. Then the sister of the bride took the mic and gave a 15 minute speech that made everyone scream on the inside.

I hate to say it but FH's at our BM and MOH's wedding was the worst. He was their BM and public speaking makes him nervous. Once we hit around the 6 minute mark FFIL popped over to my table and asked if FH knew he could wrap it up. His dad was trying to signal to him and FH didn't know what was going on. Poor guy just waived back at his dad. Luckily the bride and groom found it amusing.

At my BFFs wedding the grooms brother gave this looooong, rambling toast. Like it was a good 10 minutes and multiple printed pages of notes long. Moslty about them growing up and when their dad died, which I get, but you couldnt have summed that up in a few lines? By the time he was done and it was my turn I felt like I couldnt take more then a few minutes so I rushed through my already short toast.

Oh I thought of another one. We went to a small wedding for some really close friends and they chose not to have a BP. The brides sisters got up and gave a prepared speech which was a surprise to everyone. No one had anything prepared for the groom and it was just sad.

DH, and the grooms brother and cousin got together to say something, but the mic was given to another party at the venue. They were finally able to say something at the end which was nice but I felt so bad for him after the original speeches as he is a very emotional person and I knew he had to be hurt by it.

One of our dancers in our troupe got married last year- her now husband does band stuff- so we know them both- super sweet- nerdy- reserved but awesome couple.

Her sister gave the MOH toast- his brother gave his toast.

Both of them were easily 7 min long ME ME ME ME ME toasts.

The one thing I distinctly remembered drunk best man/brother speech:

"I always wanted teh cooler older brother- and you turned into a totally cool guy after you met "Bride"... now I get to have the brother I always wanted.

We were literally mortified for both of them. So awful.

My BIL gave the most awkward toast ever at our wedding. He's just not one for public speaking and it was basically him saying one or two words at a time then pausing for like 30 seconds. My mom later told me that he had his hand in the wasteband of his bands the whole time so it almost looked like he was playing with himself. We had told him he didn't have to give a toast but he decided at the last minute he wanted to.

I was a BM in another wedding where the MOH decided to do one of those trendy rapping toasts set to the tune of Fresh Prince of Bel Air. She was either super nervous or crazy emotional because she bawled and sniffled her way through it and you could barely understand her.

@Alyson just to clarify...the groom's brother took too long talking about the groom's father, who had passed? That probably deserves more than a few lines :/

At an RD once the MOB said "Bride would always call me up and ask why it was never her turn. She desperately wanted to get married. Then one day she told me she was seeing a guy who cooks and one who dresses like he's homeless...well, we all know Groom doesn't cook."

At a friend's wedding years ago, the brides super conservative parents decided to turn the rehearsal dinner into a "roast" of the bride and groom rather than do any speeches. They roasted with things like, "When [Bride] was 5, she locked herself outside the house!" and "When we met [Groom], he seemed so shy but now he's outgoing!" It was so awkward for everyone to watch, and all the groomsmen didn't know what to say because everything they wanted to say was super inappropriate. The B and G looked so embarrassed.

OMG I got one. The best man said the groom's ex name in the toast instead of the bride's name. Thankfully only the groom's friends knew whose name he said. IDK if this made matters worse or better but the name was also the bride's sister name. Either way don't say the groom's ex's name at the wedding.

At MY wedding after the BM and MOH toasts, my husband's step mothers sister got up and said, "we are not only here to celebrate a wedding but also a birthday. My daughters turning 36 today. Can we all sing her happy birthday please?"...and proceeded to lead the entire crowd in the happy birthday song...

Mind you, all DH's other side of the family is Jehovah Witnesses....they don't celebrate birthdays!! I was laughing my ass off and my poor husband was about to strangle her!

OH another one: at my aunts wedding last year the BM toast told the story of the first time he was introduced to my aunt he said "I remember the first time I met BRIDESNAME, I was like Damn!"

@promike wow. thats inappropriate. I hate when ppl try to make stuff about them

Promike, you just reminded me that FH's dad's side of the family are JWs and his best man's birthday is the same day as our wedding. Perhaps I should rethink the "birthday shout-out" to him lol.

Any toast involving "spring break" stories. Just not a good idea haha