Worst Toast You've Ever Heard

OMG dancingbear that is TERRIBLE!

My BIL's speech wasn't so bad, but he did ask the guests to toast not one, but TWO other people before getting to DH and me.

This lady at a friend's rehearsal dinner said a few kind words and then broke out into a song! Not just a minute, it was about a 4 minute song. I could NOT stop smiling because i was trying not to laugh!

For my friends wedding, the FIL went to give a speech and was just bragging about his "golden child" which was not the groom. He pretty much said one sentence about the groom, and one sentence about each of his other sons, and spent the rest of the time telling everyone about his golden child's achievements. Cool, thanks.

Apparently at the same wedding, the bride's brother said something that was embarrassing that his mom scolded him after the speech. I wish I knew what was embarrassing, but I'm pretty sure I was more shocked with his dad.

Edited: I can't grammar.

I went to one that was all inside jokes and awkward, another one that the marjority of it was talking about when they broke up how pissed the sister was at the bride for breaking up with him and having a one night stand with that drug addict... the room was silent but the MOH thought she was funny at least?

OMG @dancingbear i would die. ho would he think that is ok?

"I love you, bro. I wish the best for you. Now go make babies" our best man at put wedding....

Also at my cousins wedding the MOH (brides sister) was sloshed and talked about how the bride drove into the window of her own house (and didnt say, but insinuated, she was drunk when she did it.

I have two. One also involved a Jewish joke, and in the other the best man talked about himself for 5 minutes. I can't remember exactly how the joke went, but the bride's brother said something about how he thought his sister met her husband on J-Date, but he doesn't look Jewish. He's Chinese. How he worded it was offensive, and more than half of the guests were 60 and over and probably don't even know what J-Date is!

I am thinking my FBIL's speech might be mine... -_- both of my FH's brothers are the best men, doing a speech together... let's hope they decide not to recreate the Step Brother's boats and ho's restaurant scene like their first idea implied... whatever! lol

Thankfully most toasts I've heard have been pretty short and sweet; but at the last wedding I was at the bestman's was sooooooo long and hard to follow.

BIL made fun of DH the entire time like 5 minutes of how DH is afraid of snakes... so annoying. He wrote it minutes before the wedding.. He didn't address me at all. I was so mad, but DH was cool with it. But Dh lets everything roll off.

This was the very reason we did not allow any random toasts at our wedding. We were toasted by the MOH, BM, our children and then one person from each side welcoming us to the family. The master of ceremony announced that if anyone else had something to say that they should come to us and speak privately. That worked out perfect. Some people just don't know what to say

@e=mc2 that is AWFUL! Who says that?

Hard to remember the whole speech but basically at my sister's wedding like 11 yrs ago (now divorced) her brother-in-law basically ended with and "now you have yourself in a pickle" to the groom because my sister was pregnant with twins at their wedding, side note he proposed like 3 months before she got pregnant. At least I have 2 beautiful nieces now but only good thing that came out of that marriage...

FFIL gave a stand up routine toast at FH's cousin's wedding. It had nothing to do with weddings or the couple, and was mildly racist. It's now a legend in his family.

A younger sister who so obviously did not want to be there -

"Of course I didn't prepare anything."

Silence. No laughter. Unclear if this is a joke.

"[Bride], when we were growing up you were always mean to me. But ever since you met [Groom] you've been a little bit nicer. So I hope you never break up with him. To [Bride] and [Groom]."

Dead silence. Sister sits down. Awkwardly raise glasses and sip drinks.

At my cousin's wedding, the father of the bride seriously gave a lecture. It was the most bizarre experience. Neither the bride or groom were religiously practicing, they had a Jewish wedding for her side and both of them had family members that were Catholic. His "toast" was all about how these two faiths could coexist, he went into parables, mathematics, it was seriously just a chance for him to show off his intellectual vigor. He had the bride and groom sit in these chairs in front of him and he just droned on and on, I seriously got up to take a break and to avoid the awkwardness!

FH is jewish and how friends joke about it all the time, i just hope they don't do it at the wedding as FH grandparents, who are both holocaust survives, will be there.

Not a toast, but my FIL altered our CEREMONY reading to make a sexual joke.

Excerpt from our reading "Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another – acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, even teacher..."

FIL stopped after companion and emphasized "and for the first time tonight, lovers"

I was mortified. My parents, and older, conservative guest list, were not amused.

It was at a memorial service, not a wedding. Fh's grandmother had passed, and his brother (20 or 21 at the time) got up to speak.

The main point of his long, awkward, rambling story was that he will always remember Grandma for how she kept office supplies in her desk drawer.

The DJ at our wedding is going to be informed that he is not allowed to give a microphone to FBIL under any circumstances.

At my MOH wedding the best man started with a bad joke about toast and it started going down hill so he handed the microphone to one of the other GM who told everyone that he "witnessed more people being put in the ground then witnessed unholy matrimony" We were all like OMG he didn't

Two come to mind....

FH friend's wedding: MOH/Sister of the Bride is very intoxicated. Grabs the mic and begins shouting, "Everyone look at me. Be quiet. It's my turn. I know its her day but you have to pay attention to me now."

My friend's wedding: His husband's best woman began her speech saying how at first she didn't want my friend and his now-husband to get together and that they should have broken up but eventually she accepted my friend as an important person in his now-husband's life.