Will Veteran's Day weekend affect our RSVP rate?

If you only want 135, invite 135. Is FMIL paying a fair share for the reception? If not, go back to her and tell her the maximum number of guests she can include. Let her cut her list. If you and FH are footing the entire bill, then none of her guests need to be included that you and FH don't know/regularly talk to.

I don't think veterans day would have that much of an impact especially if most guests are local. We had a lot of declines but the majority of our guest list was OOT so it was expected. I agree with PP that if FMIL isn't paying for any of them then you and FH need to re-evaluate who is being invited. That is the downside of having financial help from others is that they are going to have a say in things otherwise.

We married Memorial Day weekend (when a lot of locals go to the mountains or shore), and only invited guests 21 and over, and we only had a 10% decline rate.

Thank you! That's kind of what I was thinking. It's an awkward spot because they have not agreed to contribute financially to the day, so far it's just us and my parents. Has anyone asked their future in-laws to cover the difference of their extra guests? I guess I'm feeling a little frustrated being I had to cut my list to 20 when her list is at 62... thanks for your input!

You cannot set a budget based on a "hoped turn out"

Host the number of people you budgeted to afford, which appears to be 135. You cannot guarantee any kind of response rate - you could end up with 100% response rate or a 50% response rate. You will not know until the RSVPs start to come in and if you did not budget for the number invited at that point you could be screwed.

ETA: Don't ask for money. Just let them know we only budgeted for X amount of guests and will not be able to accommodate any extra. If they offer that's fine but DO NOT ask.

Don't count on anyone not showing. Don't ask anyone for money. Plan what you can afford.

Talk to your FMIL. Let her know your budget and ask if she can revise her guest list to fit it.

You are not the only one responsible for reigning in your FMIL. Where is your FI? If it is you two, and your parents, who have put the budget together, he can tell them that they have X number of invites. If they want more they can put two and two together and realize that they will need to get out the check book.

Why did fmil get carte blanche with her list?

FH should tell his mother your limit. You should not have to cut your friends to accommodate hers when you and FH are paying for it.

FH list is A LOT bigger than mine and because my parents are taking on most of the bill I told FMIL absolutely not. Once I told her I wanted to keep the list under a certain number, she offered to contribute to the food/drink costs. Our venue can hold 225 total, I wanted somewhere around 120, we are inviting 170...but most on my ppl are OOT so hoping the list goes down but also hoping it's not just all his side either. Sigh. I agree with PPs where's your FI? He can stand up to her, that's not only your job.

Thank you all so much! All this advice is spot on with what my own mother suggested (moms are so wise, seriously!). The plan is to explain that this puts us over budget and ask if she can reduce her list. FMIL is very kind and receptive so I think once we explain the situation she may offer to cover the difference if she can't cut her list. I'll keep you posted!

My wedding is 11/11/18 and I'm not expecting any no nos

Hi date twin! We are not anticipating Veterans Day having any impact on our RSVP's. My FH is a veteran and 11/10 is actually the USMC Birthday, so that is special to him as a former Marine. Good luck with getting your guest list down! I am having the same struggle right now but the Mom's have been very supportive.

I had this issue with my in laws and I had my H explain. Make sure your spouse is on your side. And just say "Due to our current budget, we can only afford to give you X amount of seats." She needs to cut the list herself and give you a final list that fits that number.

AND DON'T fall for the "invite 40 and see what they say and any no's get replaced" and don't fall for the "these people probably won't come so just send a courtesy invite." I got both back from my in laws.

Assume everyone will come and make sure you can afford 100% attendance.

I asked FMIL to cut her guest list after we were trying to cut and FH was leaving her list as is but trying to cross of friends and every time it was like "but really am I gonna cut this guy so that this cousin that I have no relationship and don't even like can come????" FMIL was able to cut easily.

If she's not paying, she doesn't get free range on the guest list. Tell her you have budgeted for a certain amount of guests and you've both cut your personal lists down to accommodate some of her extras, but that you really need her to do the same. There are DEFINITELY people that can be cut, sorry FH, learn to tell your mama to suck it up!

So don't plan based on expected declines.

To answer your actual question, unless your guest list includes some actual veterans who might have other things going on, I don't think that particular day has much affect on peoples' ability to travel

Yeah , definitely expect all your guest to show up. And budget accordingly. Don't ask for money but do tell your FH that based on your budget you can't accommodate her entire guest list. He needs to back you up, based on your comment , it seems your FMIL is understanding so it shouldn't be an issue.

When we started our guest list, we said our max was 400 so we split it evenly between our families 200/200. My parents are covering the 100 people they're inviting. We're not replacing any people that don't rsvp yes as we already feel 400 (and don't like tiered guest lists) is pushing it and our agreement with the venue is at least 350, up to 400 for the rate they're offering us pp. Most of our guests are local so I'm expecting most to show.

I would say that each of your families gets an equal amount of people or slightly adjusted for how many relatives you'd expect (my FH has like 75 people in his local extended family alone whereas I have much less family but more friends in the area) and split it up fairly. No one should be having to sacrifice their family members or close friends so the other person can have more guests. If you talk to your FMIL, I'm sure she'll see your point if she's as receptive as you say. Then, if she doesn't offer to cover the cost of her guests she can at least trim her guest list. I've discovered that the more times you go through the guest list, the less people you usually wanna invite (at least for my parents who initially wanted to invite 200 people on their own). best of luck!

@Olivia - I live in the cities - where is your wedding going to be? (Not going to crash - lol - just curious!)

We got married on Nov 10th (Veteran's day 2017) and we only had a small handful of RSVPs that were no, and none were because it was a holiday weekend. We had 130 some people show up. During our thank you, we asked any past and peeswnt military to stand so we could all give them a round of applause as a thank you for their service.