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Just Said Yes September 2018

Will an uneven guest list be uncomfortable?

Emily, on March 22, 2018 at 11:53 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 40

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My fiancé’s family is huge, and additionally, they have a ton of family friends. My family is small, and we have some friends that we want to invite, but not nearly as many. The total “wishlist” is about 50 for my side and about 100 for his. My mother is adamant about asking my fiancé to keep his list closer to 50, so my family doesn’t feel like strangers at our wedding. I see where she’s coming from, however, it’s not their fault that we don’t have more friends or family to invite. His parents have also offered to pay for the additional guests. Should I ask them to reduce their count to keep it even, or just let it go and avoid the conflict?

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40 Comments

Latest activity by Mcskipper, on March 23, 2018 at 11:52 AM

Champion October 2018
Kelly · on March 22, 2018 at 11:57 PM
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I think it’s normal for there to be discrepancies. My guest list is around 75 where my fiancé’s is over 150 because he’s Jewish and they have huge families haha.
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Just Said Yes September 2018
Emily · on March 22, 2018 at 11:59 PM
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Yep, his family is Jewish haha. It doesn’t bother me as much, but I will have at least met most of these people, whereas my parents haven’t, and I won’t have time to introduce them.
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Dedicated September 2018
CeeCee · on March 23, 2018 at 12:05 AM
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If it's not a problem to you AND they have even offered to pay for others I don't see why it would be an issue. You're joining families! I would love to celebrate with as many as possible. As far as any one group feeling like strangers I would hope they would use the time to mingle and meet the other side. I've never heard of this type of conflict being a thing. That's like asking for his siblings to not participate cause you're an only child... let it go. A conflict would be 300 to 50.
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Super July 2018
LibbyLane · on March 23, 2018 at 12:06 AM
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It's not your parents' wedding. It doesn't matter if there are some people there who are strangers to them. If it really bothers you, then maybe ask them to reduce it a little bit, but I wouldn't ask them to cut it in half.
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Master October 2017
O · on March 23, 2018 at 12:06 AM
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I would just let it be. My H had 64% of the guest list.
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Dedicated August 2018
Tamarae · on March 23, 2018 at 12:06 AM
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I have this concern too!!

My FH was in the foster system and never really got a permanent family... so we're inviting a couple of his blood related siblings and one foster couple, but that's his family. Then most of our friends are mutual.... my family will be super traditional and all sit on the "brides side" no matter what we tell them. I'm tempted to ask all of our friends to sit in his side so it doesn't look super uneven at the ceremony.
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Just Said Yes September 2018
Emily · on March 23, 2018 at 12:10 AM
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I’m definitely going to urge people to mix sides when seating for that reason. Trying to figure out how to do that without one of those stupid “pick a seat not a side” signs haha. Hopefully it’ll be common sense?
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Dedicated August 2018
Tamarae · on March 23, 2018 at 12:14 AM
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My original thought was through the ushers but my aunts are psycho and I don't want to put the poor guys through that
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VIP May 2018
plangalCG · on March 23, 2018 at 12:17 AM
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My FH was very sensitive about that. Quite literally, if we had a big wedding, there would have been like 80+ on my side and at most 10 on his unless he invited randos. Even at our tiny wedding it’s a 25-5 split (though some of those on “my” side are also his friends and my brother is married with kids while his is single). I think while a 50-50 split seems fair, there has to be some realization of you both uniting your lives—it’s not about “whose side” they’re on because they are all going to be your side!
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Super January 2019
PalmTrees · on March 23, 2018 at 12:27 AM
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Totally fine to be different. I have a tiny family and my sister’s husband has a huge family. She just has me as a sibling and my daughter as the only niece, he has like 7 brothers and sisters plus their spouses and a ton of nieces and nephews. And then the extended family as well. I really didn’t even notice.
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Super January 2019
PalmTrees · on March 23, 2018 at 12:29 AM
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Oh and I forgot to mention a friend mine, she has one younger brother. Her husband is the youngest of like 10 or 11 so you can imagine the guest count discrepancy there with spouses and their kids vs 1 brother lol. No issues, everyone just sat wherever in the church.
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Super November 2018
Kiwibride · on March 23, 2018 at 1:17 AM
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People can't help the differences in family sizes, I think it's fair to be uneven as long as you're both inviting in the same circles (aunts/uncles from both sides, no cousins etc). They're still going to know 50ish people at your wedding, so they're definitely not going to feel like strangers
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Super August 2019
Bianca · on March 23, 2018 at 1:59 AM
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This exactly!
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Super August 2019
Bianca · on March 23, 2018 at 2:01 AM
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People have different sized families, and having a wedding that combines everyone should be a wonderful thing. My family is significantly larger than my FH's (plus the majority of his family lives very OOT), so we already know that the majority of the family that will be in attendance will be mine and that's okay. I would personally be upset if my future in-laws requested that I cut several of my guests because they won't know them.
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Expert August 2020
FutureMrsR-M · on March 23, 2018 at 6:14 AM
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My side and FH’s sides are pretty even split but I expect that a significant number from my side won’t be able to come because of the time and money required to travel internationally. It’s totally fine to have uneven “sides”.
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Devoted June 2018
Michelle · on March 23, 2018 at 6:43 AM
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No, that's his family not his fault it's big.
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Just Said Yes September 2018
Emily · on March 23, 2018 at 6:58 AM
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I agree with all of you guys. Next question, should he/his parents be allowed to invite 30-35 additional friends that they’re close with? Or draw the line with friends bc they have more family? My parents will have 10 family friends in comparison.
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Devoted August 2018
m&j18 · on March 23, 2018 at 7:02 AM
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I'm the youngest of 9 children....all married or attached with children. I'm also inviting all of my first cousins, aunts and umcles. I wI'll have the majority of the guests from "my :side" . Honestly, how would people know? I ve been to parties and weddings and I dont necessarily know who is a friend, related, etc. I tjink you're overthinking this....your guests are there to celebrate both of you!!!
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Devoted October 2018
AbeFroman · on March 23, 2018 at 7:07 AM
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You may be over thinking this. My wedding will be 50 people, and 7 of them are mine. It’s okay that everyone has different family sizes.
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Master April 2018
Mrs. Sponge · on March 23, 2018 at 7:17 AM
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My FH's guest list is about twice the size of mine. We had agreed on a smaller guest list and FH just could not cut his list down anyone without hurting himself, so we left it where it was at. My family is not concerned about how many more people are on his side. I don't like how many people will be there, because I'm an introvert and not a people person, but this is his day and the people that he really wants there should be there.
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