WIDOWS REMARRYING--former in-law invite?

Thanks Brian. Well said! Yes, we have moved on. There were many painful years for us both, but we are ecstatic to be getting married. I guess I can see where that concern lies on their part, but if it is not an issue for the bride and groom, why on earth is it an issue for others? We did not give it a second thought, and when going over the guest list, it became a huge topic of conversation with family. We were both shocked that we received the comments that we did. We are not lighting candles, having empty chairs or any sort of remembrance at our wedding. However, we are inviting people that we love. If you could have heard the 'tone' in which this topic was discussed you would have been amazed.

I'm not a widow so i cant relate with you but i am extremly close to my future in-laws and God forbid something were to happen to my FH i would still keep a close relationship with them. I see them like my parents so if the day would come for me to re-marry then yes i think i would invite them. but like i said im not a widow so i dont know first hand

How extrondonary that everyone understands what marriage is - since it's not just about the couple it's also about conjoining families. I think you've actually just proved what love is and the sheer fact that both of you still remain close to your deceased spouses families is absolutely FABULOUS! Your wedding is meant to be shared with people you love so why wouldn't you invite them? it sounds to me that all families have healed and want to share in both of your new found happiness.

How is your mom? I take it that your family is now talking about your wedding based on this post? :-)

Southern Belle, I agree -- it's an honor. It may also be a way for families to deal with their grief and help them move on. If you have a good relationship with them, it's just something that should be appreciated an cultivated. I'm sorry they're giving you a hard time, but I actually think it's fantastic that people obviously love you and your FH enough to do this.

Hi Marie! Yes--SOME of my family and wedding party and discussing finally.

My parents and I don't get along regardless of my mother's illness, so I am not sure they will even attend. My father suffers from PTSD from Vietnam and he is really verbally abusive to my mother and has been all our lives. He is also trying to start being verbally abusive to my FH.

However, we are supposed to 'ignore' his illness and just deal with it. Just a lot involved with that situation which would be a whole other post. LOL!

I am still doing everything necessary for my mother, but the relationship has always been strained and I think it always will be. However, my sisters and friends are starting to come around....sisters are slower than molasses out of a jar but I am working on them. LOL!

Oh and thank you for your post Elizabeth G. I think they will always be part of my family. I am just confused as to why people were slightly angry when I would not relent on axing in laws from the guest list.

Thanks Mrs. S! :0)

Sorry your family is being a little unreasonable hun . It might be a little more understandable if you had each gone through a horrible divorce, but that's not the case so it's not understandable at all. Your former in-laws are your family too. You shared a part of your life with them and the pain of losing a loved one. It only makes sense that you would want them there with you.

Im not a widower, but I still look to some of my ex in laws as family! I invited my ex sister n law, cause she is like a lil sister to me.....but before I mailed out an invitation, I asked her would you feel weird for coming to my wedding and she stated that she better get an invitation!! Hope this helps!

If you don't have a problem with his former ILs being there, and he doesn't have a problem with your former ILs being there, then no one else should have a problem with it. I think it is very, very touching that these "former" ILs still feel close enough to you to want to be there for a milestone as you live your life, as I'm sure your loved ones who passed away would want for you, as well.

I think the best you can do is explain that you love these people and consider them part of your families (soon to be your one family) and will for the rest of your life, and if your former ILs can be happy for you, so should everyone else.

My step father's uncle passed away 10 years ago and his wife never remarried. She married into the family but when he passed she was still considered a member of the family. She is still at every family event and helps out her mother in law all the time. I don't believe that when someone passes you have to cut off all ties with their family and friends. If you can handle being around them and you still want them to be a part of your life, then you do what's best for you. Good luck : )

Elizabeth g took the words right out of my mouth! I think that if something were to happen to my DH and I was able to eventually find someone else to make me happy, my ILs would be upset if they weren't invited! Do either you or FH have children from your previous marriages? If so, your ex-ILs (even though I don't think the word "ex" is very fitting in this situation) are still very much the kids family.

And your father sounds a lot like mine. Let me know if you ever want to share PTSD stories. I know how difficult it can be for those around them.

Thank you for your posts! I agree with all of you. They are his parents and they will be catered to as such. You know how you just go along with planning, and you are thinking that everything will be all easy? Things that pop up that you did not even CONSIDER being an issue, seems to be an issue for every one else accept the bride and groom?

PTSD is a nightmare!!! I feel so honored that my father served two tours in Vietnam and volunteered to do so. But his entire family continues to suffer for a war that has been over for decades. My mother is the strongest woman I know, she stood by him for 36 years, and raised five children. The fact that my FH served 12 years in the Navy is causing a BIG issue with our wedding. My father is Marine Core all the way and only Marines are real men as far as he is concerned, and he is making a major issue out of it. Those who know about PTSD can relate when I say 'major issue out of it'. The smallest topic can turn a situation into pure hell for someone like my father.

My son is walking me down the isle, because I just don't think my father can handle it without going postal on the minister or something. Our soldiers go through way more than just war. Coming home ain't no joke for them. Pray for me ya'll. I am southern--Ya'll is a word!

I just remarried after being a widow for almost 8 years. My in laws never liked me, but I've tried to keep in touch for the kid's sake, and invite them to all of the graduations.... I invited my brother and sister in laws to the wedding, but not the parents. I was thinking it would be awkward for my new hubby, but also didn't want the reminder of how they treated me when I married their son. Does that make me a horrible person? I know it's now past, but I'm still struggling with this one.