Why Weddings Are So Damn Expensive

I list pricing on my group and elopement site; those couples tend to be more price conscious that someone who has seen me or been referred to me; price is not always the biggest consideration in that case, (though of course it always is on the table...) Usually one call or email will get a pretty specific price from me.

Another factor that no one has really brought up is the fact that expertise costs money. With over 1500 weddings and 284 reviews, I think I should charge more than some one on their fifth wedding with one review. That's not ego speaking, it's just the simple fact that I've been doing it longer and I deliver a different kind of quality than the CL ministers in my area.

Every specialty has its Colin Cowies and its Judy, the new planner who learned online. Of course they are going to charge differently, and they should. Many of you are fantastic at what you do (I love the "what do you do" posts) and weddings are just like real life; people with expertise, talent and dedication make more than those who don't.

I hear stories literally EVERY week about pros who are late, don't show at all, don't follow up, don't perform; you tell these stories here almost every day.

And that's why it costs more.

I know I beat this to death, but it's important to know that a good vendor and you have the same goal; to make your wedding as wonderful as you hoped and expected.

(edited for grammar...oh, the shame....)

This puts so much in perspective -- even from the vendors, so thank you. I think when brides are so conscious of the budget, things like the time and art goes to the side for a moment.

What has been a headache is when I want to do a quick search for the price range of certain vendors and I have to contact them FIRST for pricing. I don't want to shortchange anyone, so it's helpful for me to know before I waste your time whether or not I can afford you. So as it stands, I have to send inquiries to vendors, and if they're out of my range, I tell them nice work, but I can't afford them.

I'm just realizing that I'm too spendthrift to put on a "dream" wedding by America's standards. I have student loan debt (FH doesn't -- ha! Go figure). The astronomical price of weddings in my area prevents me from thinking that its ok to spend 45k on a wedding, so we're going to plan the wedding that we want -- not anyone else.

I don't know if I can honestly say that if we had millions if I would be having the same wedding. It's hard for me to justify spending so much cash on one day. I'm having almost the wedding I envisioned. Very laid back, more of a big party instead of formal reception. The only vendors I am using are a photographer, caterer and rental company. Everything else is DIY and assistance from friends. I get the whole "you get what you pay for" its just sad that women have to have less quality because of income/debt/budget. Just my two cents.... Sorry if I offended anyone.

@Celia, your rates sound completely appropriate and are differentiated based on what your couple wants and needs. Many vendors that I was looking at quoted me an inflated "wedding" rate before even asking me what my specifics were, which was infuriating. From the tent to the flowers, we shopped around and used small in-town vendors. The big companies jacked up everything the second they heard "wedding."

Kiri, I list rates, but this is not possible for every vendor type. Because there are just too many options for some and dependent on what the client wants. I put together 3 collection options that I sell the most regularly and list those, and make it clear that custom options are available. I don't like listing prices, because I'd rather have the client discuss their needs with me and feel passionate about my services than making it all about price. But I also understand planning is a stressful process and giving that little bit gives them enough information to get things started. And it weeds out those who have no intention of paying for a pro.

The thing I didn't like about a starting price, the viewer would often expect any other options to be in close proximity to the starting price, not playing that game. All that, and I still sometimes get people who evidently don't look at anything on my site, and ask about prices. LOL.

I don't have much to add to this, but I just want to point out that the vendors commenting on here are amazing vendors. That is probably why you take offense to this. But unfortunately, there are some vendors out there that are not. I emailed and spoke on the phone with a DJ that required me to meet in person to get a price. 5 emails back and forth and a phone call and you can't tell me a price?! Obviously I'm not going with you. You deserved to get paid well and I respect all my vendors and am happy to pay the price they charge.

But unfortunately there are some vendors out there, ruining the image for the good ones.

I think it is just very hard on budget brides, or laid back brides who don't necessarily care about perfection. I agree that you get what you pay for in terms of quality, but I think society, probably more than vendors, pushes this idea that everything at your wedding must be magazine photo shoot perfect. And it's simply not the case. I am desperately excited to marry my FH, and obviously I want to make my wedding as pretty and lovely as I can - but if it's not perfect it won't make me any less married. So my DIY flowers might look a little crap, so my chairs are the cheaper metal folding ones, and I'm not paying for the bigger, fancier tent with the floor. To me none of that stuff really matters, and it does get frustrating when vendors keep trying to up sell everything.

I like Celia's way of doing her pricing range, so the couple can decide how much they want. If they just want a simple, standard ceremony they can have it for a lower cost. I think if more vendors had that kind of sliding scale it would be easier.

Thank you for the kind words to us It is up to each couple to do their due diligence and make sure the providers they pick are a good fit for them. Some get too hasty and don't think all things through, and that is where mistakes and disconnects are made. We must do the same as providers. Our job should be to make things better for the client, not add stress. And not to take the wrong clients. The biggest thing is good communication, in initial emails, that makes it possible.

My fee to officiate starts at $200 and goes up the farther I have to travel and if there is a rehearsal. I officiated my first wedding in 1990 and am coming up on ceremony #1,500. I'm a 1-person biz and officiate 75-100 weddings per year. Obviously, I don't get rich doing weddings.

If you want a ballpark idea of prices in your area, check www.CostOfWedding.com so you won't have sticker shock when you start contacting pros.

I watched the video. I am currently just starting this overwhelming process of finding my venue. I have to say I disagree. Every website I went on had prices. If they did not - I moved along because they are obviously too expensive for me. After visiting 1 or 2 venues I think I figured it out somewhat. It's a basic - you get what you pay for!!

I have been to a lot of venues. Bottom line is I found I can pay about 30 bucks a head but I am getting a 30 buck wedding. Meaning the venue is not so pretty kinda danky smell and old. The wedding coordinator is probably about 100 and reaks of smoke. Very few frills. I can go to another extreme and pay 120 + bucks a head and they will do everything for me basically including wipe my tush if needed. But in narrowing down to my top 2 (yes I got there thank God) I found that in settling at the average price of 60-70 a head you can book a decent venue. Is it expensive? I don't know really I mean if you go to dinner with a large group the average price per person with booze is about 40 bucks but now add on the fact that they are setting up your wedding accommodating the bridal needs and usually in that price range the venue is a nice looking facility with good picture taking views. What people need to stop doing is UPcharging crap. No one cares about your French fry bar or the extra large votives you paid more for - for the center pieces. Good food - good music - good photographer is key. The bride should feel pretty. Then enjoy the day and don't sweat the small stuff. It may not be the once in a lifetime I am getting married - second time and I cut my ex-nightmare out of the wedding photos lol. But I remember how good the food was and it was 20 plus years ago and even then I paid close to 30k for a wedding. When they asked me about cake options I said I could not care less just make it look nice and whatever was free with the package. Who cares? That's how to keep costs down. Don't forget to calculate the tax and gratuity and all that to get a realistic number....

Yep pretty much take what anything normally cost and mark it to about 3000% and you may not even get a good service! Ugh- or at least that's been my experiences around the Chicago area. Celia, you are different than the vendors around here and I know I could expect a good result from/with you. Around here, it's hit or miss and I still have to pay thousands of dollars for each vendor, either way.

I take this stance in my personal life. If I cant find a price, I probably can't afford it lol. Ok response time.

FutureMrsChang I respect your DYI. Thats how you do it.

Kiri I have a calendar that leads to a quote generator you pick what you want and it's give you a price. It is my opinion that the vendors who don't put their price (at least a range) are using it as a trap to get you to call them. Which I dont get, "hey whats your price?" $150 an hour. "ok bye." Waste of time. For me and you. I have 4 packages hourly and 3 uplighting packages at various price points. If none of those work thats cool. No hard feelings.

Celia Expertise costs money. Thats so perfect.

I'll say this, my prices aren't for everyone and I'm really ok with that. BUT anyone who says you HAVE to meet with them, hang up the phone immediately. Those vendors aren't pros.

Celia, I'd have no issue with your rates (and indeed, we paid more than that for our officiant). In my mind, the officiant is the most important part of the wedding (both in terms of making sure the marriage is legal, and in terms of making the ceremony beautiful). But stating your rates on your site is a big deal. It means that if I simply couldn't afford them, I wouldn't have to spend time e-mailing (much less meeting in person) only to discover that you were way out of my budget anyway.

In the case of other services that do not have a non-wedding analog (e.g., photography, in which timing is much more critical than it would be for, say, a corporate event), I understand rates being higher for weddings. But it's still important to have prices stated on the website, so that people don't waste their time with vendors who are way outside of their budgets.

In the case of services that do have non-wedding analogs (e.g., limos, floral decorations, hair and make-up), I'd like some option for people to be able to choose the non-wedding version (lower price but less perfection), even if they are having a wedding. Yes, attention to detail counts with regard to the aspects of the wedding that are important to you. But paying thousands of dollars extra to make sure something is perfect when it isn't that important to you anyway makes no sense to me. I'd much rather put extra money toward the features that were important (officiant, food, alcohol) than to making sure the flowers were perfect.

It's great to hear how other brides are have approached vendor searching, and know that there are vendors out there that understand how expectations from brides really can vary a lot. You guys are awesome!

On a side note, I'm the kind of person that would avoid store staff as much as possible when I'm in the mall shopping - I'm just crazy like that! I prefer to browse on my own, figure out what I want and how much it costs, then go in for the kill - I mean purchase .

That's probably why the lack of price was particularly difficult for me when I first started planning. I was also uncertain if I needed to put on the "if you need to ask, you can't afford it" mentality.

After some good correspondence with vendors, and 4 months of planning, now the lack of pricing doesn't bother me anymore. I feel normal reaching out and making an inquiry. I also know (hope?) they would understand and be fine if I end up turning them down. And I found cool community resource like WW that I can ask questions if needed. It'd be even better if I knew these things earlier though .

I'm actually with Celia on this, and I'm not in the industry.... No doubt mark-ups happen, BUT EVERY one of my vendors aside from the florist either published their prices, or had a printed price list that was the same for family reunion or wedding.

For flowers, we ordered wholesales for the centerpieces, so the prices were published, so the only thing that wasn't pre-priced were our bouquets, and they were very reasonable, and flower pricing is inherently variable anyway...

The one place that pricing IS for sure bumped by the mention of the word 'bridal' is wedding gown alterations. When I bought my dress, a white bridesmaid dress, the sales woman told me to make sure to tell the seamstress I needed alterations for a bridesMAIDs dress, because that is cheaper, as it's less complex than true bridal. Just my experience.

I am a vendor (DJ) and I DO have a "prices starting at" on my website.

However, for the videographer's comments the video, it's very misleading when he says "Ask and demand a price range before the sales pitch." On the surface, that's a great idea. But what if the answer you get is: $300-$4500? How is that any help at all?

Here's why: (using videography as an example): A one-hour, un-edited shoot of the ceremony may only cost $300. But a 12-hour shoot, 2-person camera crew, a drone, 4K edited video with trailers, may cost $4500. So a price range is useless, unless the vendor knows what the couple wants. And here's the thing: what a couple really wants is usually discovered in the interview/meeting/sales pitch.

This is why I believe so many vendors don't list prices, because it varies for each couple. We aren't really "stalling" when asked for a price, we're trying to figure out what level of service will be required. So, a ballpark/starting price is fair.

I wish it was as easy as selling tomatoes. Ha!