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angela
Savvy April 2009

Why doesn't he care about the wedding?????

angela, on February 9, 2009 at 12:22 PM Posted in Planning 0 13

Omg, i love my FH to death and i knowhe loves me, but he thinks that this wedding is just going to plan itself!!! i told him when we got engaged that i would the planning, but i wanted his advice n he said ok. but everytime i ask him something, he just makes a joke out of it. he made a big deal about going n getting fitted for tuxes next week. and just now, i told him on thursday, that my mom was going to take our engagement pics for us, and started throwin a fit about that!!! how do i get him to realize that this is the biggest day of our lives, and he dont even care!!! I know he wants to spend the rest of his life me and vice versa, but he dont wanna go through the effort!! when i talk to him about it, he starts sayin stuff like "well, i dont see whats wrong with the courthouse" and "were just havin a wedding because you want it"!!!! WTF??? plz help!!!

13 Comments

Latest activity by CassieBeth, on February 10, 2009 at 3:08 PM
  • Muffin
    Devoted July 2010
    Muffin ·
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    Oops sorry bout that last blank post....I was just gonna say he's a typical man my Fh is the same way just saying "whatever you want" he would be fine going to vegas and getting hitch by some elvis impersonator but b/c I wanted a wedding with family he said that's what I get but I have to do the planning. If you want him to help, get his opinions on things he might actually care about...like food, music, entertainment, transportation ect....ya know "guys stuff" he probably doesn't care what the colors will be or what kinda flowers. Let him be a man and try to get his opinions without forcing him. Give him two options and ask what he likes better...USE PICTURES it helps for guys to have something to look at...they're like kids LOL

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  • angela
    Savvy April 2009
    angela ·
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    Lol. thanks. ive asked him about music and stuff, and sometimes, he just blows it off. sometimes hell act interested, but then everything changes, especially when his friends come in, he wont say a thing about the wedding. he even pretends not to remember what day its on. even when his friends do come over, his best man which is also his best friend, has more interest in it than anybody...lol.

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  • Diane Merriss
    Diane Merriss ·
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    Honestly, Guys don't really care about the details & hope that the woman would take over so they don't have to deal with it. I have talked to alot of grooms who said that if they new how much everything cost & how much effort/time they needed to "Put in", that they would have put the whole wedding off. They said "the constant talk about it drove them crazy - not that they didn't want to be included, it was just 24/7 talk and they didn't want it taking over there life up until that day." ~ Sad - I know, but guys just DON'T think like us girls - we are VERY different and we need to understand that. So, my advise is to just tell him where & when he needs to be somewhere and you make the rest of the wedding beautiful all on your own, you never know, if he see's you not saying a word about it, he may change & want more info. from you.

    Sorry its not the best words, but this is the truth about the selected "FEW" men out there. Hope this helps.

    Good Luck!

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  • angela
    Savvy April 2009
    angela ·
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    Thanks for your help, im going to try it n see if he starts askin... lol. i just wish he show a little interest, ya know?

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  • L
    VIP August 2009
    lauren10 ·
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    Ok...I'll just tell you what I'm doing with my FH because I don't want to make any assumptions about how you feel in all this.

    I completely let it go. I'm happy...he's happy.

    He's not the type of guy that will EVER care about cakes, music, locations, flowers, guest lists, outfits. I knew this before we got engaged and decided that what is important is that he loves me and wants to marry me more than anything. The rest is "icing" for me - so to speak. I know that he's going to have a blast on our wedding day, but he really doesn't have much input on the planning that is constructive, useful, positive or meaningful to me...so I don't ask for it. So, please remember that his lack of interest in the wedding doesn't reflect a lack of interest in the marriage! Guys just don't think the same we do, and the sooner we can accept those differences, the more rewarding our relationships will be. You could ask him to be less sarcastic though in exchange for involving him a little less. Smiley smile

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  • Melissa
    Super September 2009
    Melissa ·
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    I think all men are this way to an extent... however the fact that he proposed to you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you should also mean that he should be somewhat excited about the day that all of that/this leads up to you know????? I think I would also be offended if my FI acted that way and probably would even feel a little hurt... No guy is as interested in every little detail as us girls are... my fiance could care LEES about more than half of the details but I also know if there is something we have to do for the wedding he will be there more for me than for the actual planning aspect... and is willing to go where ever I need him to or do whatever I ask... IF the wedding your planning is really want you want then he needs to realize that and be a part of it all... thats how I feel at least...

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  • Michelle Powell
    Michelle Powell ·
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    My answer to your question is that Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus! Smiley smile We are COMPLETELY different in the aspect that the wedding day means the world to us, and we've been dreaming about it since the day we were born, and the guy doesn't really care.

    Here is a GREAT article for you to read, and then followed by that one is one for you to give him. I hope it helps!

    FOR YOU: http://www.squawkboxsound.com/uploads/Advice_To_The_Bride.pdf

    FOR HIM: http://www.squawkboxsound.com/uploads/Advice_To_The_Groom.pdf

    Just because he doesn't seem to care about the wedding doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't care about you. He's thinking of spending the rest of his life with you, and could probably care less about the big day, when right now that's your focus.

    Good luck, and just know he's being a guy! Smiley smile

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  • angela
    Savvy April 2009
    angela ·
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    Thanks a lot everyone!! i appreciate the help.

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  • L
    VIP August 2009
    lauren10 ·
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    Just one last thing...last night I talked to my fiance about this discussion, and this is what he said:

    "Yeah I'm really excited for the wedding, I just don't want to plan any of it. All I care about is that you're there, you say 'I do', and that we consummate the marriage." (ha-ha)

    But really, it's just that simple for the guy!

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  • Tina
    Beginner June 2009
    Tina ·
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    Hi Angela, I had a melt down not long ago over this same issue and finally sat down with my FH and had a real heart to heart. My thoughts were that we are getting married for the rest of our lives and that this "Wedding " means a lot to me so I want it to mean something to him, if not for any other reason that it means the world to me. The wedding itself is not the important thing it is the day and what it is suppose to mean. Tell him your true feelings and how it feels hurtful. I can tell you it worked here. lol He changed his whole tune. he now asks questions and wants to see the favors and etc. I am a control freak so I only wanted him to show a little interest and that is what I got. Good Luck, it will all work out. Tina

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  • BeckiO
    VIP June 2013
    BeckiO ·
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    It's normal. I'm sorry you're going through this. My hubby wanted the big wedding, didn't want to elope and get married by a JOP (which did happen) and now planning our vow renewal, he gives me the same kind of attitude some days. Even with visual aids if you ask him if he likes something, it's like that's nice, or eh. When I showed him grooms cakes in themes he loves I got that one's ok, that one I would love even as a Birthday Cake. Even Wedding Cakes, he says he wants something different looking, and when you ask if he likes it, he goes with "how do you expect me to pay for this, with my good looks?" He's a guy. You have to think of that too with your FI. If I get those types of reactions from my hubby, I just put together inspiration boards and let him do what he's doing and talk about it at a later time. I hope things work out with the planning for you, and he'll help you out with planning.

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  • BeckiO
    VIP June 2013
    BeckiO ·
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    Every time my hubby says whatever you think will look best, I remind him that this is his day too and his input is just as valid as mine. Maybe you can remind your FH the same thing that it's his day too and his opinions count.

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  • CassieBeth
    Dedicated March 2009
    CassieBeth ·
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    My FH was like that at first..not wanting ANY say in ANY of it. Any mention of the wedding and he'd roll his eyes. As the day is getting closer though he now wants to be involved in EVERYTHING! I've NEVER seen him THIS excited!

    Hes now driving me INSANE wanting input in EVERYTHING!

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