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J
Beginner June 2020

Why do people think they're entitled to a Plus One?

JJ G, on May 9, 2019 at 11:46 AM Posted in Planning 0 30

My fiance and I recently sent out links to our family and friends to gather their addresses for STDs and invitations. One of my step cousins, whom I have talked to maybe twice in my entire life, added a guest through her link. Actually, I didn't even send her the link; my step aunt did because I don't have her contact information (we're not friends on social media and I don't have her number).


I thought it was extremely rude of her to assume that she can bring a plus one, given our barely exist relationship. I asked around the family and learned that this person is a guy she recently started seeing. My mom and my step dad want me to invite the entire family, to which I agreed because they're helping us paying for part of the weeding. However, I am not comfortable inviting a total stranger. We're having a small-ish wedding around 100 people, and we want everyone we love and care to be there; people who are going to be truly happy for us, not some random dates you find on tinder.


Our rule on wedding guests is quite simple, you have to know at least one of us to be invited. We've been together for more than 3 years and I have met most of my fiance's friends and family and their significant others, and vice versa. So we actually know the majority of our wedding guests pretty well, and I look forward to meet the ones I never had a chance to meet before the wedding.


In the case of my step cousin, we will still send her an invitation but it's going to be addressed just to her. I am not judging people's relationship by the length, as it doesn't matter to me whether they have been together for two weeks or two years. But it is our wedding, and your relationship to me and/or my fiance matters. If you couldn't bother to congratulate us on our engagement, you don't deserve a plus one at our wedding.


I know it's against wedding etiquette, but I would like to hear what you think on this issue. Thank you.

30 Comments

Latest activity by Luce, on May 10, 2019 at 8:46 AM
  • Abby
    VIP March 2019
    Abby ·
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    Significant others don't really count as plus ones and really should be invited. Its showing you don't really respect her relationship while asking her to come celebrate yours. There were several people at my wedding that I didn't know but it made the guest that I did know more comfortable. I really didn't notice them at all.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I don't know why you invited her in the first place if you've spoken to her twice in your life. She's just as much a stranger as her boyfriend is. I wouldn't feel comfortable attending a wedding for a family member (or non family member) I hardly know without my S/O and would likely decline.


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  • Future Mrs. K
    VIP June 2019
    Future Mrs. K ·
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    I somewhat agree with you. I think more and more people are looking at other peoples weddings as their own personal social gathering and it really annoys me. We have had many issues with FMIL trying to invite distant, distant family members that even she hasn't seen or spoken to in 10+ years and FH and I don't even know, and I truly believe she only wanted to do it for show. I understand they're family and she wants to reconnect with them, but my wedding isn't her personal family reunion and it isn't the time or place for it. She is welcome to host a separate family reunion and invite them all if she would like lol. I think a lot of people unfortunately look at weddings as an opportunity for them to get a "free" (not completely free if they bring a gift but still) night out, a nice meal, and a chance to post a picture of themselves dressed up on social media. It's sad but it's true that a lot of people don't really care what they are truly there for. With that said, your wedding is over a year away. As of right now, I agree with you and would not send her a plus one. Especially considering you barely have a relationship with her, let alone her boyfriend. She has family coming so it's not like she would be alone and not know anyone. However, if she is still with this same guy by the time you go to send out invites next year, I would consider it if space and budget allowed. It would be kind of rude to not invite him if they have been together for awhile at that point and other cousins are getting plus ones.

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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I agree with Caytlyn. I also want to add that hour wedding is still over a year away. If she’s still with this guy at that point it would be incredibly rude not to invite him.
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  • J
    Beginner June 2020
    JJ G ·
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    Just to be clear, I did not personally invite her. I sent the link to my parents, and they sent it to my step aunt, and my step aunt sent it to her.

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  • Future Mrs. K
    VIP June 2019
    Future Mrs. K ·
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    That's kind of annoying she did that. Did you definitely plan on inviting her?

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  • Tiffany
    Dedicated April 2020
    Tiffany ·
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    I agree with this 100%
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  • J
    Beginner June 2020
    JJ G ·
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    I don't think she respects my relationship when she didn't congratulate us on our engagement so it is hard for me to respect her relationship with a complete stranger. To be clear, I did not personally ask her to come celebrate our marriage. I sent the link to my parents, they sent it to my step aunt, and my step aunt sent it to her. I personally could not care less whether she attends or not, but my parents and my step aunt want her there.

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  • Iva
    Super September 2019
    Iva ·
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    I personally wouldn’t invite a distant cousin I have no relationship with. But I get that you’re inviting her because your parents insist & they’re paying for the wedding. I like the rule of not inviting total strangers, who you or FH have never met. And I disagree that everybody who is in relationship has to be invited as a couple. Somebody who is casually dating & who will know lots of other guests at the wedding (in case of family, for ex.) doesn’t have the same +1 priority to me as someone who is living with their SO, or will not know anybody else at the wedding, for ex. And especially if you’re having a small, intimate wedding.

    I do think it’s little bit out there for her to add +1. But at the same time, if your link allows the option for everybody to add +1, then you have to be prepared for some people to do that. Your guests & especially the ones you never talk to, don’t know that you want to have small(ish), more intimate wedding, so it might not be fair to assume they’re rude for adding +1 if they were given a choice to do it. So I think the best for you, is to be clear on who is invited & who is not, so there is no confusion, assumptions or frustration.
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  • J
    Beginner June 2020
    JJ G ·
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    I did not plan on inviting her and I did not send her the link myself. Since my parents are paying for part of the wedding, my fiance and I think it's appropriate to give them a number of invites. They passed the link to my step aunt and she passed it to her. When we got engaged many of my step cousins reached out and congratulated us, but she didn't. It is plain obnoxious to me that she even filled out the address and added a guest when she couldn't bother to take 2 seconds out and say congratulations to us.

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  • J
    Beginner June 2020
    JJ G ·
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    Nope. Her presence really makes no difference to me, but I think my parents would want her there because she's family.

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  • Jessica
    VIP June 2020
    Jessica ·
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    Either don't invite her or invite her SO. If someone is dating someone its not a plus one they are a package deal. Plus ones are for single people.

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  • Courtney
    Master December 2019
    Courtney ·
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    We have a similar rule: if I don't know you then you're not invited. I don't care if you've been dating my cousin for 10 minutes or 10 years, if I have not met you in the 6 years my fiancé and I have been together, then you're a stranger to me.

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  • Future Mrs. K
    VIP June 2019
    Future Mrs. K ·
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    That makes sense. Honestly in your situation I probably wouldn't give her a plus one. If she doesn't like it, she can stay home. Maybe that is harsh but I see where you are coming from so I would definitely understand why you wouldn't give her one.

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  • J
    Beginner June 2020
    JJ G ·
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    It is so sad that some people cannot function socially without their "significant others." Everyone is their own individual, and the idea of a package deal is just absurd. I was perfectly fine with not being invited to weddings in the past because of the no ring no bring rule. I am my own person and not his belonging, so I had girls nights while my fiance attended the weddings alone.

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  • Alicia
    VIP August 2019
    Alicia ·
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    This is spot on. I agree completely.

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    I think you're in the wrong. If you're inviting her, you should invite her significant other now that you know he exists. I do think it was wrong of her to not clarify with you before she added a person, but adult couples should no be broken up.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    To me, I think all significant others should be invited even if the relationship is newer. However, I know some people have strict budgets & can't accomodate that.

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  • J
    Beginner June 2020
    JJ G ·
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    Not inviting a complete stranger to my wedding does not equal to breaking up an adult couple. She has every right to decline the invite, in fact, I really hope she does.


    If she cannot function for one night without her significant other, then that is not my problem. I should not be held responsible for her emotional disfunction. She is a full grown adult, not a child that needs to be accommodated all the time. Plus the entirely family is going to be there, so if she come she will not be alone.


    I am not related to her by blood, as she is my step cousin. I did not personally invite her because she does not carry any importance in my life, my parents did. In the dozen year I've known her, she has never voluntarily talked to me. She did not congratulate us on our engagement, and I have not talked to her in 4 years. Her assumptive attitude is what rubs me the wrong way. I didn't even know this person exist and now I have to invite him to my wedding? I want to be surrounded by loved ones on my special day, not surrounded by strangers who are just here for the open bar and picture ops.

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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Your reason for not inviting him should be the same reason for not inviting her. She’s a stranger to you, who will probably just be there for the open bar. Why would someone who hasn’t voluntarily talked to you ever and who you haven’t talked to for over 4 years congratulate you?
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