Why did you decide to get married?

Because we are old (senior citizens), we get that question a lot: Why are you getting married? Our quick answer is: Because we want to! Our more thoughtful answer is that even though our journey will be different than the journey of young people, we want to commit to caring for each other for the rest of our lives. We still have adventures and experiences to share. We choose to grow older together--we are lucky to have that option. And we love each other just as passionately as young couples do. We know we could just live together but we want to be publicly committed; we want to acknowledge our love in front of family and friends and have them share in the joy we've discovered in each other.

My only advice comes from my grandmother (I miss her so much)

"Love won't pay the bills"

For us, it is a want to be married not a need to be married. We have 2 children (one together and I have one from previous). We own a home and all the troubles that come with that. If he were to look at me tomorrow and say I'm good with how things are I would be okay and continue on without the official titles of husband and wife.

VC - as of almost exactly a year ago the US jumped on that wagon too (finally) and you could get married here in all 50 states!

I actually think financial stability is huge. I make more money - but he has better benefits. And either way I still feel like we are a team financially. I can't imagine if he wasn't my partner. We already make major financial choices as a unit and being responsible, wage earning adults who support ourselves and each other is important.

I read your post about the job situation after posting my first response. Financial stability is extremely important, in my opinion. You need to have an honest discussion--and I mean honest. Be very realistic about income disparities and job possibilities. The two of you need to research the statistics about employment in coaching. You have to realize that many colleges don't keep the same coach for years and years. Is your profession one where you can find a job anywhere? If he is only a part-time coach, is he willing to get another job to bring in enough income so that you don't feel like you are responsible for the family's financial security? The only people who can work this out is the two of you. And maybe a professional financial adviser!

Agreed with PP, financial security is really important for most. I think it'll depend on how much faith the both of you have in his ability to land that dream coaching job. If you're mentally willing and able to support him while he strives for that (assuming he's working hard to make it happen) then stick with him. If an uncertain financial future is scary for you, it might be time to express that to him and see what middle ground the two of you can find.

We already feel like a unit but we wanted to make it legally official. Like Zoe mentioned, being able to make medical decisions for each other and things like that. Also going along with the unit point, we felt that we wanted to share a name in order to make that until feel more solid. We love each other and can also depend on each other in other ways.

I spent 10 years of my life, and had 2 children, with a man that had zero motivation. He was mean spirited, selfish, and very materialistic. I stayed because I figured with 2 kids, I needed to. I never in my life wanted to get married. True love was a fairy tail, and I didn't buy into it. The final straw came when he said I was unworthy of him.

I met FH and fell in love almost immediately. We have been together 6 years Wednesday, and I love him more now than when we met. We have a som together and he loves my daughters as his own. I have wanted to marry him since the very beginning. We want to spend our lives together and want the peace of legal protection should anything happen to either of us. That is why we are getting married.

Financial stability is very important, and so is communication. Financial stability does not seem to be your concern though. You seem to be resenting him for not contributing equally and are concerned it will stay that way. Has he always been like that? Did something change along the way? It's important to talk to him and be open and honest.

We love each other and we want to spend the rest of our life with each other. Also to have kids, and grow our family

I think you need to talk to your FH about what your mutual goals for the future are and what sacrifices are necessary to get there. I don't think there's necessarily a problem with him pursuing his dream job as long as he also recognizes that it's necessary to have a back-up plan and/or day job as well and as long as he's willing to support you in pursuing your dreams too.

When DH and I got married, we were struggling financially. I was working 2 jobs and he was a full-time grad student, but when we needed the money, he didn't hesitate to get a part-time job on top of pursuing his degree. Now he makes nearly twice what we did then, has paid off the majority of his school loans, and pays our living expenses while I pursue my law degree.

@Erin - yes thanks I am aware of the States laws on gay marriage and I think it's wonderful

And I agree with everyone else on financial compatibility. It's soon important, like one less thing to stress and fight about and really helps bring you two to your goals in life as well. I feel so blessed to have found that.

I agree financial stability is very important. But what if the situation was reversed? Her husband made a lot more? That happens a lot, husband is the breadwinner and no one thinks the woman needs to step up here game because that's just the "traditional roles". I realize there is pay inequality against woman that also contributes to that.

It's rare to find a relationship where both parties make exactly the same all their years together. When you're married it's not "my money" and "his money" unless you choose to keep totally separate accounts & don't pay bills together.

I (female) make more than my husband but it's not an issue. We split bills and both contribute. He frequently does the laundry and vacuums and cleans. We contribute to the household in different "non traditional" ways but that's ok! We're a team! Financially, emotionally, household-ly. I agree you should share your feelings but it's not like he refused to work. He just wants to make a job from his passion!

I read somewhere that the financial issues were one of the top three reasons for divorce (the others were infidelity and incompatibility, I think). It's unavoidable to have some types of money issues with your FH, but I fully believe you should go into a marriage with a full understanding of both of your feelings on the matter and a plan for addressing differences in the future, should they arise. This is something premarital counseling can help you with, if you want extra guidance.

Now a Sept- I think there is a huge difference between being the primary breadwinner (which I am) and having a partner who works very part time and only makes a few grand a year....

My FH spoils me. I fell in love with the way he loves me. Some days I don't feel beautiful or confident but he sees something totally different than I do.. And I thank God he found me.

When I first met FH, I knew he was different. He was actually interested in what I had to say and didn't just take me to get coffee so he could fuck then leave. I found him absolutely captivating, funny, not to mention handsome. We share so many things in common, from little things like favorite bands to big things like goals for the future. We fell in love QUICK, like after a few weeks of dating, and we started discussing marriage about 6 months into our relationship.

Oops, didn't mean to type a novel...I just love my FH so much!

We just knew from the start that we were going to get married. We fit. We had been holding off for a long time but we have very similar values and we were becoming part of each other's families. Once the timing was right, we knew it was time to be our own family. To echo PPs, financial stability has been a huge contributing factor in when we decided to get engaged/married. When he was financially stable, he proposed. He had to be in a position where he could provide for both of us. That was so important to him. So, he decided that he loves me and wants to provide for me and that was his catalyst. Obviously we love each other but it's way more than that. I always innately knew but he had to make sure he could do it. When we were at a place where we loved each other so much and it was practical, we decided to get married. I hope this helps! Best of luck to you. Some hard talks are definitely in order.

I want to do life with him. No matter what that looks like, he is the person I want to share the good, bad, and ugly with.

He is my better half. I have a twin and those too are more alike then him and I are that's what makes him perfect for me.

Love, start a family, and prospect of having a partner for life... I came from a broken home, my parents never married, so its VERY important to me (and my FH) that our kids have what I didn't.