Why did you decide to get married?

We wanted a family.

We wanted to be a unit.

We wanted to call each other husband and wife.

What else is there?

My Fiance really wanted to get married and as time went on, I felt the same way but just not as strongly as he does. However, we do recognize that this really does legally make it official and given the opportunities we have in Canada to have gay marriage legal, I feel lucky to be able to do that.

Because we wanted to have babies without our entire extended families dropping dead of multiple heart attacks lol

Also, it just feels right. We want to be officially a unit, we want to recognize our commitment to each other...it's the next right decision.

We love each other more than words can describe.

We have the same values and life goals.

We want a family, and we want to share a name.

The wedding is just one day- our marriage is the reason we're doing this. I can wait to be his wife.

I was about to answer sarcastically until I read the content of your post. What are your doubts?

Yeah for sure, same values and same goals in life. Don't be afraid to think those thoughts! I have and its a part of life, you must remind yourself as the journey goes on and assure yourself of what you want. Also on the internet dont get side tracks with people painting unrealistic lives , or saying crazy things like sparks flew and my knees get weak everytime i smell him bla bla bla. Everyone experiences love im different ways.

But the Love is there and that is a big part of what matters

I have faith in our ability to get through life together. I wouldn't want to do it by myself, and I know that he's a fantastic partner for me. We want to have children, and I have faith in his ability to instill values, love, and be a provider for our family.

Maybe if you talk about some of your doubts, people can chime in with specific advice. Counseling may be a good second option, and of course talking to your FH.

So I can kiss him anytime I want!!

But seriously, because we both could not picture being with anyone else or putting up with anyone else's crap. He's the absolute, cheesy cliche, yin to my yang.

Because we wanted to create a new family together. Not only with our future children (that won't be for a while!), but with each other as well.

We've both come from good, loving families and we can't wait to start ours together.

We want to work together towards the same goals as a unit.

While we don't agree on everything, we agree with each other on the important things.

I've always known that I wanted to get married someday. But it wasn't until I met FH that I knew I wanted to create an entirely new family with someone. I always loved my family and never wanted to leave, but now I realise that together, FH and I can create something even better. That thought excites me so much.

What is it that's causing these doubts? Is it marriage itself, or your FH?

The only time I've ever had doubts was for a week when I was sick in bed with a high fever and taking antibiotics. Both of those things have caused me to be somewhat delusional and get angry and upset easily, so I know that the doubts weren't real--especially since as soon as the fever left and I was off of the antibiotics (actually a few days before I finished those), I was back to normal and able to remember all the reasons why I do love him and can't wait to marry him.

If you're having doubts, talk to your FH. If you're going to marry this man, you need to be able to talk to him about anything, no matter how hard it may seem. If he truly wants to marry you, he will understand and help you work through those doubts. If not, you have your answer.

We had been committed to each other for a long time by the time we were married and we wanted to make that commitment public and have all the legal protections of marriage for our relationship and family.

If you're having doubts I'd really sit down with FH and vocalize them. They need to be addressed before you exchange vows.

I have a really stable high paying career all lined up and my FH is, well, a wanderer. He has a college degree but isn't utilizing it right now because he wants to be a college basketball coach - which is a real possibility because he currently works as a head assistant coach for a girls college. However, he only makes a few thousand a year doing that so he has to work a real job as well. The job he has doesn't offer benefits or anything. So I guess I'm really stressed out by the thought of potentially being the breadwinner FOREVER, and being the only one concerned about having benefits and dental insurance. He is kind of on the boat of if we brush our teeth we don't need to go to the dentist...and I just think that's ridiculous?

Like I said, this needs to be addressed with Fh. There's not much we can do for you.

I may be the odd one out on this but financial stability is extremely important in a marriage IMO. You can love a lot of people, but I don't think marriages survive on love alone. And if he is like that now, getting married won't make that change. He has to want to change on his own. He has to WANT to help provide for the two of you as a family. There is no amount of pleading and communicating and "if you love me you will do this" that will make someone snap out of it. He has to do it on his own. Your concerns are valid and you either need to accept that all financial responsibility lies with you or you have to have that hard conversation now.

Also....I, personally, would not marry someone who did not have a solid career path, goals, and complete dedication to contributing financially. But that is one of my non negotiables of being with me. I am also not the type to encourage someone to "follow his dreams" unless he laid out a solid plan to do it while still earning an income. Hopes and dreams are great, but they don't pay the bills.

Financial stability is super important. You need to talk to FH about this. If he has the potential to be a college coach and you have a stable high paying career unless you can easily transfer and move around one of you will have to give up your career. A college basketball coach will have to move around a ton to climb their career ladder. It doesn't seem like your losing sight of why you wanted to get married, but your just realizing the realities of actually being married and the sacrifices that will come with it.

I agree with PP but I would refrain from saying that coaching isn't a "real job". It can be a full time job if the opportunity arises, and your FH might but hurt it you called it that. Have you discussed if you would be willing to give up your current job if he was offered one that required moving? Or ia he willing to stay part time as an assistant so you could keep your job?

I wanted to formally be a unit with DH and get the legal rights that go with being his wife. I don't want MIL making his serious medical decisions-- *I* want to be the one to do that, and I don't want my mom or dad making mine-- I want DH to.

I admit, I also wanted the dress. I LOVE fancy/frilly clothes, and a wedding dress is the epitome of lace and frills!!

I must say that although I currently have no doubt about marriage or my relationship, I had similar concerns a few years ago earlier in our relationship. This is definitely something that you need to talk out with him. I also recommend the book «when she makes more: 10 rules for breadwinning women». It truly helped me and made having those conversation with FH easier...We're now in a great place in our relationship and looking forward for what's to come. Best of luck to you!

I was married to a man that made half of what I do/did for 15 years. He seemed ok with it and never did anything to move forward or improve his position or skills. THAT part was the hardest...the lack of desire to improve, being ok with contributing a lot less and relying on me and my drive to get us through.

FH and I both have college degrees, we both look for ways to advance ourselves, he is adamant that he contributes equally. I find that sexy as hell. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves, is it about the money or is it about drive or ambition. One I can live with less of, the other I cannot (and be happy, anyway). It is important to know if he will be complacent or if he has goals.