"Whoever Pays Has The Final Say"

View Quoted Comment

I agree that ultimately the wedding is about the couple.

View Quoted Comment

The best type of money is money with no strings attached.

Overall, I think it's not nice to "gift" money with strings attached!

My dad is paying for most of our wedding. He isn't the type to dictate what we have. He has let me make all the decisions. But if he asked for something, I would def say yes. If someone is paying, they have a say. But they should be considerate to the bride and grooms wishes if they are decent people lol

I think they should have a little leeway in input. A few guests that are important to them even if the couple doesn't know them or know them well. Not saying 40 or 50 but like 6-10. Also if there is a ridiculous amount of money being spent on one thing or the other. For example the bride wants to spent half the budget on a dress or wants 4 outfit changes. Or the groom HAS to drive up in a Ferarri.

We paid for about 75% of daughter & SIL's wedding. His dad paid about 20%, and the B&G paid about 5%. Right after they got engaged, we told them what we were able to contribute and that they could do with it what they wanted -- traditional wedding, elope & awesome honeymoon, or put it toward a down payment on their first home. They chose the wedding. FOG offered to pay for a particular vendor and a small lump sum -- he just wrote them a check. Daughter and I are very close, so we did much of the planning together, but I believe she felt like it was nearly always completely her decision. We have a large family, who daughter (and SIL) are close to, so they were all on the guest list, but husband and I only asked for 3 friend couples (who are also very close to daughter). The groom's parents' lists were less than 10 people -- family & friends.

My parents are paying for most of the wedding, and FH's parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner. Both of our parents think that since it's our wedding, we should be the one to pick out whatever we want within their budgets. If I found a vendor I liked at a good price, I gave my mom their details including the cost info, and she just paid for it. I think the payers should have the final say on the costs of things, but the couple getting married should be able to pick what fits their vision.

View Quoted Comment

I agree with you.

View Quoted Comment

It's awesome that your dad is helping out.

View Quoted Comment

I completely understand your perspective.

View Quoted Comment

Thank you for sharing your experience.

View Quoted Comment

I agree with you, most people have an idea of what they want their wedding to be like and I don't think anyone should take that away from them, even the person/people helping to pay. Of course, if someone else is paying you must be considerate but that doesn't mean you should completely leave your vision behind.

I want to answer this before reading the thread as I may have a bit of perspective on this, lol! First time: His parents wanted to help pay but their conditions were to give out drink tickets at the reception. My mother was horrified and stepped in to pay for open bar.

Now - I am the mom of two college aged sons. My take? I will contribute X amount to each son's wedding, if they choose to get married. There are no stipulations, no conditions, they can use it for whatever they want otherwise to me, it is not a gift. I have planned two weddings of my own and I have zero interest in helping with any more, truthfully. I will wear beige and be quiet, lol. They can pay off a Visa bill for all I care!

My second wedding was paid for by us as we were 52. We purposefully chose to pay for it ourselves as again, we were 52 and I wanted no input from anyone. You can't plan a wedding by committee, someone's feelings will get hurt.

View Quoted Comment

I appreciate your take on helping your sons pay for their wedding, giving a monetary gift without stipulations.

So what are you going to do? Take the help and let your in-laws pick your venue OR pay for it yourself and pick the venue you want?

View Quoted Comment

Thank you for your kind words. They are 20 and 21 so let's hope this conversation does not come up for about ten years, lol!!!!

Got it, thank you for clarifying.

View Quoted Comment

Let's hope not.

In my opinion, I feel like if you truly want to help, that's great! But it's still my special day! You shouldn't be contributing money solely to control or manipulate the entire wedding. Those who are offering monetary help should keep in mind the couple's vision of the wedding. If the couple wants a wedding of only 60 guests but the contributor wants to add 100 more to the list (of random people to the couple) I think that is wrong! Just plain wrong. The contributors have ample opportunities to have family/co-worker/friend reunion and why should your wedding be the backdrop for that? How I see it, is that you shouldn't half give a gift. There should be a compromise and understanding between the contributor and the couple to be wed. Sure, if they are footing the catering bill, for example, then the contributor should be able to add such and such meal or extra food, or alternative foods if they'd like. No biggie. But these decisions should be made alongside the couple. That's just my perception of it.

View Quoted Comment

I agree with your opinion.