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Just Said Yes June 2019

Who should pay for most of wedding?

b, on July 29, 2017 at 12:50 PM Posted in Planning 0 56
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Hi, Mother of the Groom here, Our Son and his lovely fiancee are planning a wedding. Brides family lives on the West Coast, Grooms family lives on the East Coast. Because the grooms side has the most people, the couple has decided to have the wedding on the East Coast, where the family of the Groom live. The family of the Bride will be flying out for the wedding.

My question: Since the wedding is going to be near us and not near the Bride's family, do we have to pay for most of it? We really cannot afford to foot the whole bill. How do we bring this up with her parents without ruffling feathers?

56 Comments

Latest activity by SpringBride2018, on August 1, 2017 at 11:23 AM
  • OG Kathryn
    Champion May 2016
    OG Kathryn ·
    • Flag

    No your son and his fiancé need to pay for their wedding. If you can help, great! But its not required and its their wedding.

    • Reply
  • 033118
    Super March 2018
    033118 ·
    • Flag

    The bride and groom are responsible for hosting the wedding, without the expectation of family contribution. Although, I'm sure any contribution would be very appreciated.

    • Reply
  • Deanna
    VIP October 2018
    Deanna ·
    • Flag

    I second @OGKathryn. My parents and Fiances parents can't foot any bills so we are busting our own butts working 2 jobs to pay for our wedding and that is completely fine by us. Talk to the bride's parents and see if you guys can work something out together or if not, then it's up to the couple to figure it out.

    • Reply
  • karen
    Master October 2017
    karen ·
    • Flag

    Neither parent has any obligation, but if I were you, I would gently talk to your son, and suggest he talk to his bride. It is nice that they are having the wedding where you and your family can more easily attend. You should not make any demands on them. No trying to add to guest list (biggest problem on this board). No insisting that kids be invited.

    • Reply
  • WED18
    July 1993
    WED18 ·
    • Flag

    Now days the couple usually pays for all or most of the wedding. We currently have 2 daughters planning weddings for next year. We gave a flat amount to each that we could afford without regard as to how the guest list shakes out between the families.

    • Reply
  • Lindsey
    VIP June 2018
    Lindsey ·
    • Flag

    Bride and groom pays

    • Reply
  • Future Mrs. D.
    Super October 2017
    Future Mrs. D. ·
    • Flag

    I think you tell the couple what you can comfortably afford. Let them work the budget from there. In our case, both our sets of parents paid our college tuition so we could be debt free and have good jobs so we are paying for the entire wedding. Whatever they choose to give us for wedding gifts, we consider a huge bonus.

    • Reply
  • S
    Dedicated May 2018
    SpringBride ·
    • Flag

    My FH and I are paying. We gave our parents a maximum number of guests that we can afford to pay for based on the venues price, and if the parents insist on inviting more guests and kids, then our parents will be contributing to pay for those extra people.

    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Super April 2020
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    Bride and groom pay.

    • Reply
  • Charda
    Expert August 2017
    Charda ·
    • Flag

    Me and FH are paying for own wedding

    • Reply
  • B
    Just Said Yes June 2019
    b ·
    • Flag

    Wow, it seems the general consensus is to let the couple pay, and to contribute what we can, (which we intend to do). Thanks for the input, everyone. It is greatly appreciated.

    • Reply
  • MnmsMonique
    Super June 2018
    MnmsMonique ·
    • Flag

    I don't think you have to talk to the bride's parents about this. Let your son know what you can afford to give and let them figure it out from there. If she wants her parents to contribute she should discuss with them.

    • Reply
  • JDSquared
    VIP August 2017
    JDSquared ·
    • Flag

    Bride and groom are responsible. We are paying for our own. If you'd like to contribute then that's wonderful but, it's not required.

    • Reply
  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
    • Flag

    Your son and his future spouse should be paying for the wedding. If you'd like you can provide a contribution let them know so they can consider it in their budget. My mom did this for me and it was hugely helpful because we were able to book a caterer we didn't think we could afford. My father kept his financial assistance a "secret" hoping to surprise me which turned into more of a headache than a help because he was booking "secret" vendors for which we had already booked lower cost vendors.

    • Reply
  • Rena
    Expert October 2017
    Rena ·
    • Flag

    Another vote for your son and his FW. If you can help great but other than that your not responsible for anything.

    • Reply
  • NinjaBride
    Super June 2018
    NinjaBride ·
    • Flag

    Contribute what you'd like/ what you're comfortable with. What the other family decides to contribute is none of your business.

    • Reply
  • Emily
    Master May 2014
    Emily ·
    • Flag

    Times have changed. There is no longer a requirement for the couple's parents to pay for the wedding. Many couples pay for their own weddings. But please don't put unreasonable guest list demands on them. Large guest lists are what drive wedding costs way up.

    And please don't talk to the bride's parents. That would be so awkward. Let the couple handle communication with parents.

    • Reply
  • Morgan
    Dedicated November 2018
    Morgan ·
    • Flag

    I've never heard about the groom and bride paying for their own wedding until I joined WW.

    My parents are paying for my wedding (set budget) and my FMIL insisted that she pays for flowers and rehearsal dinner. I'm very thankful that they are doing so. But FH and I are setting money aside to help with extras.

    I think you should talk with your son and future daughter in law and let them know what you guys can afford

    • Reply
  • N
    Dedicated August 2018
    Ngodez ·
    • Flag

    What you should know is that couples pay for their wedding but both brides family and grooms family will still contribute in someway. If you want to help them out then is up to you.

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Barton
    VIP July 2017
    Mrs. Barton ·
    • Flag

    My DH and I paid for our wedding. His side graciously offered to help pay for the decor and cake. If you can help, by all means do if your son accepts the offer.

    • Reply

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